To think this comment from DP was disgusting?

[DarkGreenMini]

I've been with DP for 6 years. Slowly over the years he has been showing a different side to him, that he is racist. For the first year he never said or did anything racist then slowly after that he would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.
It has become clear though that he has very racist views, learned from his family (who I don't see often so didn't know this about them).
We have had arguments over his views and comments in the past and he has said that it's just how he was brought up but that he won't make comments any more.
What makes no sense is my parents were immigrants so I don't understand why he would even have gotten involved with me if he is so against immigrants.
Anyway, today I told him that our DS had made a friend who doesn't speak much English but that they get on so well even though DS is speech delayed.
DP sarcastically said 'great' and muttered something about needing to see the parents 'first'. He then said to DS 'where's your foreign friend?'
I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.
I'm utterly disgusted by his comment and his racism.
He obviously hid this very well at the start of our relationship but this last year he's been like a different person with his attitude to anyone from a different country.
I'm honestly considering ending our relationship because I can't tolerate racism.

Just another great consequence of brexit - legitimised racism!

You should not tolerate this shit from him.

I broke up with someone for exactly this. I don't want to be around people who think like this, and I certainly wouldn't want my child picking it up.

Can't imagine myself in this position as I'm married to an immigrant who settled here to be with me so don't think I could ever hear similar from my spouse, but I've cut out family members and friends for holding similar views, it's incompatible with my life (and that of any decent person), for your child's sake, don't let him cause your child to internalise racism. Run.

How can anyone say this is ok?? I wouldn’t put up with that.

I couldn’t be with someone like this. If my dh hid this part of his personality he wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with. Dealbreaker for me.

*He would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.^

So you knew enough in the beginning but for some reason, you stuck your head in the sand and had a baby with him. He was always this guy.

I was very surprised to see anyone vote YABU, I would have thought that this, of any vote on this site, would have been 0% YABU and 100% YANBU. Clearly there are some very racist people with very low standards. OP, it goes without saying for any decent warm-blooded rational human being that YANBU. Racism should be a deal-breaker for any human being. Except of course, for the obvious racists. I would seriously consider the impact his influence on your DC could have. To be brought up by someone like him is a toxic influence. As someone once said; the standard you walk past is the standard you accept. Get your son away from him, please.

@Greatnorthwoods I would have thought racism would have been a dealbreaker for any decent human being. Especially if a DC is involved, all the more reason to remove the DC from the father's influence. Racism is very dangerous, insidious and evil. It speaks volumes about the person who would accept it or tolerate it. The standards we walk past, are the standards we accept.

Can anyone tell me of any country and or race that is not racist?..

Putting aside race for the moment...he has just blamed you for making an entire country shit. Unless you are a privately educated rich white male, he is wrong and stupid. Seriously though, whatever minority you belong to (and even if you are in a majority group) this kind of thing is not ok...and to his own partner is just bizarre. So even if he had never been racist, this is an awful comment in itself. But the racism thing would have been it for me, even if he was fine with me personally

@Northernparent68 Why couldn't he say 'where's your friend?'? Why mention 'foreign'? Would you say to someone 'where is your black (or Asian or Indian) friend'? Racism is usually couched in 'humour'. It's a cover.

IN my opinion it’s people like him who have made this country shit

@Ifyoulikepinacolidas It seems it is not just 'a few comments'. And comments can do far more damage than anything else. Especially when children learn and copy their parents. Maybe you don't consider bringing up children right to be a worthy goal, but I think those of us with morals and principles do.

@louiselou1991 So in other words, just.....accept it, because 'well, he'll hear it anyway'? Really? What sort of logic is that? Just swear in front of your child because 'they learn it anyway'. Just shoplift in front of your child because 'well, all kids shoplift anyway'. Heard of the head in the oven herd mentality? JUST because he will come across people with those beliefs, does not mean one should throw in the towel and not even bother. All the more reason to model good behaviour!!

Sorry OP, this must be horrible for you.
Unless you are ok with hearing the same crap coming from your DC mouth in a few years then it's probably wiser to leave him.

Racism has to be called out, every time, but living with a racist would be so exhausting and dispiriting that there is no way I would be prepared to make the effort to try and talk him round on a daily/hourly basis. I'd walk away and find a better man.

Can anybody tell me an end to Justaboy's comment which isnt likely to be some pathetic Faragesque manbaby's justification of racism?

Serious question: if the OP's partner was making comments about how a woman deserves to be raped if she flirts with a man, how many posters would tell her to shrug it off? How many posters would say, "It's no big deal, everyone has different views, your son's going to meet people with these opinions no matter what..."

Are you sure you haven't been watching hollyoaks 😂😂

I don't think it is healthy for your child to grow up seeing their father belittle and abuse their mother.

I'm mixed race and some posts from PPs really anger me - it is not "a few comments". These are outbursts that have arisen from deeply ingrained racism. Every one of these comments cuts and wounds ethnic minorities and eventually translates into treating minorities as "less than".

OP, your son is also the product of a migrant heritage - please don't let him internalise the racism. Break the cycle by leaving your partner.

@Backinthecloset123 It is more than clear that the OP has tried to reason with him over the years. He is getting worse. Not better. Some people are simply a lost cause and will not change.

A further problem you have is, when you split up, and you should, I would, you have no control over the opinions he fills your child's head with in his contact time in your absence

He probably doesnt see you in the light of being an immigrant. Recently he may have been listening to media reports of n h s tourism, no social accommodation because of foreigners, constant alleged assylum seekers etc etc and it may just have got to him

Every one of these comments cuts and wounds ethnic minorities and eventually translates into treating minorities as "less than".

Exactly. I really can't believe that those posters actually posted that it was fine, that was really upsetting. Even more surprising considering how quickly this site jumps to defend the rights of women (rightly so) yet can shrug it off when it's another minority being attacked.

I've seen it on here quite a lot if I'm being honest, they're just usually not so brazen about it.

It seems the right wing tabloids have 'got to' a lot of people in this country. It isn't an excuse. You can choose not to read that crap.