To think this comment from DP was disgusting?

[DarkGreenMini]

I've been with DP for 6 years. Slowly over the years he has been showing a different side to him, that he is racist. For the first year he never said or did anything racist then slowly after that he would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.
It has become clear though that he has very racist views, learned from his family (who I don't see often so didn't know this about them).
We have had arguments over his views and comments in the past and he has said that it's just how he was brought up but that he won't make comments any more.
What makes no sense is my parents were immigrants so I don't understand why he would even have gotten involved with me if he is so against immigrants.
Anyway, today I told him that our DS had made a friend who doesn't speak much English but that they get on so well even though DS is speech delayed.
DP sarcastically said 'great' and muttered something about needing to see the parents 'first'. He then said to DS 'where's your foreign friend?'
I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.
I'm utterly disgusted by his comment and his racism.
He obviously hid this very well at the start of our relationship but this last year he's been like a different person with his attitude to anyone from a different country.
I'm honestly considering ending our relationship because I can't tolerate racism.

it doesn't matter if the OP leaves him or not, he can still pass his views onto the child. He could do this 50% of the time and OP wouldn't be there to counteract them

This is more than just about him passing his views on to their child. He is being racially abusive to the OP!!!!!!!!!!
that is MORE than enough reason for her to end the relationship.

Ergh how disgusting of him-my dh is xenophobic shall we say of the english ever so slightly you know we took over their country twwenty million years ago and hes never got over it

i usually tell him to fuck off

Oh i wasnt saying jus tell him to shutup btw-i dont take much offence but hes directing his racism directly at you

This is the first time I'm saying this on mumsnet but sorry to say that would be a deal breaker for me.

I absolutely couldn't be associated with an attitude like that. I would be so out of there, especially as he seems to be trying to incite racism in your young son!! Absolute deal breaker, no way.

I am frankly shocked at people saying they would put up with it tbh!

God, some posters have such low standards.

Can anybody tell me an end to Justaboy's comment which isnt likely to be some pathetic Faragesque manbaby's justification of racism?

No, no nothing to do with Farages witterings its just that racisim is a worldwide problem, is there anywhere in the world where someone hasnt got it in for another somewhere just becase they were born elsewhere or a differing skin colour?.

Its not even a simple black/brown/yellow/white skin thing you can be the same skin colour and it still exists look at say Ireland, the middle east far east, africa, india, north and south america?, where do you want to stop?

I read earlier that there has bene a "race emergency" declared in the city of Dresden where the Nazi's are rising fast again!

I oftern wonder if this somwhere will once day end the human race pardon the word, add in religion and belifs all in looks pretty grim.

Has it got better over time?, i doubt it. Lets look at Brexit out here not far from the city the i live in, talk to most anyone and the only reason they want Brexit is to "keep them bloody furringers out" they know bugger all about any other reason:(

All in so very sad,

Yuck. I'm dreaming of a day where people simply don't procreate with racists like it's some sort of nasty, genetic disease that needs breeding out.

Get your DC out OP. You're right, they don't need to be hearing that shit.

We all have inbuilt biases and stereotyping is shortcuts our brains use for all kinds of things. We have to realise we ALL have these inbuilt mechanisms, but allowing them to dictate how we treat others is absurd.

Racism in this day and age is rightly looked on with disgust, your DP needs to admit he has had a problem (most likely an anger issue) and work on it. If he won’t, you should leave for yourself and your son

DTMFA.

What a messed up man to have such hate for his own partner and children given that you are also (like most of us) from mixed heritage.

Its people like you who have made this country great, op, and that's why fuckwits like him are jealous.

Thank you for all your replies. I've read them all and it's nice to see the majority won't tolerate racism. It's a very hard situation to be in as PP have said, DP could always imprint his awful views on DS whether I'm with him or not. I will be teaching DS that views like that are wrong and there are no two ways about it.

As a “foreign” person myself, I just wanted to add that I am so relieved most people here would not tolerate racism, or are absolutely appalled and disgusted by it. Thank you all!

What if his hatred of foreigners becomes physical, what will you do then? It's similar to the domestic abuse pattern, first verbal abuse, coersive control, irrational hatred and then violence. It doesn't take long for the name calling to include violence with the insults just like da. Just like domestic violence the kids who are exposed to this shit are at risk of becoming the abusers.

To all those racism apologists, would you accept your partner calling you a c&#t & punching you? Yet you're telling the op it's no big deal and to stay in a racially abusive situation. These are two different types of abuse and it seems one is socially acceptable then the other. You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.

I would ditch him, go and tell a solicitor everything, tell them you're both being racially abused & don't feel safe anymore. Make sure that he only gets supervised contact only if at all.

darkgreenmini

He sounds like a horrible person and like he is very different in his world view to you.

I think if you met him now, expressing those views, you wouldn’t even want to share a meal with him, never mind a bed and a marriage.

Even without the racist element of this one comment you’ve quoted to us, it sounds like he doesn’t hold you in high regard, speaks down to you.

It makes me wonder how he treats you in general??

Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for holding to your standards.

Not sure racism is the right word unless the antipathy is on the grounds of race as opposed to nationality.
His comments are really unpleasant and especially the one directed to you. 'It's how I was brought up' is no excuse.
Not sure I would be immediately leaving on these grounds alone but if it's part of a bigger picture, maybe. It definitely needs challenging.

My ex husband did this. For the first five years, nothing. Then racist comments would find their way in. And it only got worse. He was once very drunk and very racist in front of a black couple. I was mortified. It's not something I could just ignore. And it stopped any thoughts of a baby with him. OP, if this doesn't feel right, then yes, I would say it's a deal breaker.

bathsh3ba how is rabid xenophobia any less bad than racism? There's no point nitpicking about the nature of OP's 'D'P and his comments. His views and comments are bot unacceptable.

Lots of anger being directed here at those of us who say that the DHs comments were not racist. Nothing the OP related was racism.

The words “foreign” and “immigrant” relate to all races. Therefore any dislike of foreign things/people in general or immigration levels/laws/policies cannot by itself be racist.
I am not minimising, but calling out exaggeration on the part of the OP. If I saw any real evidence of racism, Id be with the condemnation crowd.
And yes, being called a racist when you are not saying anything racist is going to provoke a nasty reaction from most. Similar to how sveral angry posters here have called me a racist simply for pointing out the OP has given zero evidence of actual racism. If he is a racist, then she’d have some real evidence of that surely?
Some ethnic slur he might have used? (Which a few posters have dropped in their posts..for all their anti-racism it’s interesting they are not above dropping those kinds of racist slurs about online almost gleefully).
Some comment about race even?

I find it a bit racist to assume that foreign and immigrant refer exclusively to nonwhite races. Foreigners and immigrants come in all races from all nations not just nonwhite ones. Too, we have millions of ethnic minority locals who are first and foremost French (or in your case British) they are not foreign and not immigrants. To perpetuate this mental divide of foreign/immigrant= nonwhite races is a racist pattern of thought. Which most posters here are guilty of so doing.

My daughter had a friend from a young age, but every attempt to invite over or to arrange a play date, was met from both parents with, I speak no English and walking away, my daughter was told by the girl, her mum and dad wouldn't allow her round white pigs houses, the husband was in control of the household, I could neve runderstand why the wife stayed with him with a attitude like that, I certainly wouldn't. But I don't think the ops opening warrants leaving a relationship, but I would watch out, and act on if it carries on

yeah...sure you would.

Honestly, the mental gymnastic people play to justify their racism, rather than just not be a racist.

Nationality is tied into race and ethnicity. Yes you are a racist if you hate immigrants.

And as for PlanDe's confused mess..who you trying to kid?

I don't think the OP said she wasn't white, she said her parents were immigrants, they could well have come here from a European country. It doesn't change anything - her husband has previously said racist things and was very disrespectful and insulting to her.

I'd be making my plans to leave. If I had the means I'd do it immediately.

If he tries to reason you into staying, just tell him Leave means Leave.

@Patroclus
Nationality is tied into race and ethnicity. Yes you are a racist if you hate immigrants.

No nationality is not tied to race. Name me a single nation that has only one race. There aren’t any. It’s racist to assume that say, every Nigerian is black, or every Icelandic is white or every Indian is Asian. Every nation is multi-ethnic. Most importantly, the UK is multiethnic and all it’s immigrants are multi-ethnic, therefore it is impossible to be racist about immigration in the context of the U.K.

And the OPs DH doesn’t hate immigrants because he married one. At worst, he is critical of immigration in general. His nasty comment to his wife was in direct response to her calling him a racist in front of their child when he said nothing racist. Are you favour of spouses arguing and hurling hurtful insults at each other in front of their kids?

To the person saying I have exaggerated my OP because I didn't quote any racist remarks my DP has made, I did say that over the last year or so he has made racist remarks. And by racist I mean racist. I've not quoted them specifically as they are racial slurs and hurtful. As I said before, he never said anything like this at the beginning of our relationship, then over the years things would slip out that I'd call him out on and he'd pass off as a poor attempt at humour and that he had grown up around people saying those sorts of things. But lately he has been making many racist and xenophobic remarks and then what he said to me the other night that started my OP.