To think this comment from DP was disgusting?

[DarkGreenMini]

I've been with DP for 6 years. Slowly over the years he has been showing a different side to him, that he is racist. For the first year he never said or did anything racist then slowly after that he would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.
It has become clear though that he has very racist views, learned from his family (who I don't see often so didn't know this about them).
We have had arguments over his views and comments in the past and he has said that it's just how he was brought up but that he won't make comments any more.
What makes no sense is my parents were immigrants so I don't understand why he would even have gotten involved with me if he is so against immigrants.
Anyway, today I told him that our DS had made a friend who doesn't speak much English but that they get on so well even though DS is speech delayed.
DP sarcastically said 'great' and muttered something about needing to see the parents 'first'. He then said to DS 'where's your foreign friend?'
I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.
I'm utterly disgusted by his comment and his racism.
He obviously hid this very well at the start of our relationship but this last year he's been like a different person with his attitude to anyone from a different country.
I'm honestly considering ending our relationship because I can't tolerate racism.

I wouldn't want my children learning that it's acceptable to be racist. It's not.

If would make me feel sick to be associated with someone like that. Some people have low standards or can relate to your DP. You clearly don't/can't and rightly so.

EagleVision

hear hear. I'm pretty shocked that people are coming on telling the OP to turn a blind eye to this.

You're basically saying you will tolerate your children being brought up to think racism and verbal abuse are OK.

For me this would be a dealbreaker. Your views are so different and his hate is actually now being directed towards you! He'd be out on his ear.

Your DS throughout his life will come into contact with people with views like your DP’s and you won’t be there to cut those people out

I think you’re overreacting. Different strokes and all that

Fucking hell, people can overlook racism... really.

louiselou

eh? but we're talking about the DS's dad! that's not just "people", its one of the two key influences in the kid's life.

I can't stop my kid coming into contact with racists but I can damn well sure she doesn't live with one.

Your logic is warped.

He sounds awful so yes you should end it.

I’m horrified some people think they’d just shrug their shoulders at such a comment.

An ex of mine once said something extremely racist. I questioned him on it and finished with him as a result.

It has been a deal breaker for me.

all the racist telling OP its no big deal ! FFS!! Racism is totally and utterly abhorrent.
Says a hell of a lot about this country that people are prepared to admit this. Utterly shameful. Leave the fucker OP.

I guess, the people who can overlook racism are ok with homophobia and misogyny too.

I hope your parents havent heard his comments before.

Thing is though, breaking up won't necessarily stop DS being exposed to racism. It will give (ex)DP chunks of completely alone time with DS.

I’d wouldn’t hesitate to end my 10 year marriage over this OP. You need to break that cycle otherwise your child will end up just like him or worse.

I couldnt live with a racist. Too fundamentally different to ever work. Absolute deal breaker.

I would definitely end a relationship over this. Racism and misogyny are usually linked IME, and misogyny is one of the biggest predictors of domestic violence so even from a selfish point of view I would be ending it.

Can't believe people saying they would leave it! Would you want your child to grow up a racist? I despair. The swing to the right in this country is fucking frightening. This is literally how fascism happens.

I'm a child of immigrants and if my OH ever said anything like that to me, it would be the end of our relationship. I would not be able to carry on with the relationship, with a person who held that kind of view. And what kind of opinions will he be passing on to your kid OP? Would you want your kid to grow up being so hateful of "others"?

It's absolutely shocking that some posters would not be bothered by that kind of comment - is your self worth so entrenched in being part of a couple, in a relationship, that you would ignore such fundamental differences? Or do you just think, it doesn't apply to me so it's not worth the hassle?

Sounds like this is just a sample of his racist/ ignorant views. I

So OP should stay in a relationship with the racist twat, then DNA?

That's a vile attitude to have towards anyone. I've gradually realised that some close members of my family are racist (or perhaps they have gradually become more racist, homophobic, xenophobic etc; it's difficult to say with certainty). TBH their bigoted attitude is a big part of the reason I'm pretty low contact with them - I don't want DD thinking it's ok or normal. I grew up thinking it was, & some of the expressions they used, attitudes they had etc, would potentially be considered hate crimes today if they expressed them in public. Like I said, they've got much worse since I was a child, but have learned to be discreet about their nasty attitudes.

My ex was racist, really vile nasty racist and meant it. That is one of the many, many reasons why he is an ex.

It took a few years for his hideous views to surface as well.

'A few comments'?

He's being openly racist towards his partner & her family.

The problem you will have OP is that your DS is still ging to spend a lot if time with his DF so is still going to be hearing these views. Ending your marriage isn't going to prevent that. Personally I wouldn't want to live with someone like that, but please don't think ending your relationship will protect DS from his influence.

I am not surprised by the comments actually. They Probably share the same views hence why they don’t think it’s a big deal.

@DarkGreenMini Have you not realised that by "people like you" he may be referring to your parent's being immigrants? Either way - gone! Shows a staggering lack of intelligence.

I bet he wouldn't be racist towards a 'foreign ' surgeon saving his or a family member's life?!

Remind him that without the help of 'foreigners' we wouldn't have won ww2 and would likely all be German now (not inferring any disrespect towards Germany\Germans!!)

He is not only a racist, but he is racist towards YOU, his DP!! Nope, you really need to think about booting his arse out. You don't the prick influencing your DS. Can't believe some of the advice here to just ignore it. I couldn't.