To think this comment from DP was disgusting?

[DarkGreenMini]

I've been with DP for 6 years. Slowly over the years he has been showing a different side to him, that he is racist. For the first year he never said or did anything racist then slowly after that he would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.
It has become clear though that he has very racist views, learned from his family (who I don't see often so didn't know this about them).
We have had arguments over his views and comments in the past and he has said that it's just how he was brought up but that he won't make comments any more.
What makes no sense is my parents were immigrants so I don't understand why he would even have gotten involved with me if he is so against immigrants.
Anyway, today I told him that our DS had made a friend who doesn't speak much English but that they get on so well even though DS is speech delayed.
DP sarcastically said 'great' and muttered something about needing to see the parents 'first'. He then said to DS 'where's your foreign friend?'
I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.
I'm utterly disgusted by his comment and his racism.
He obviously hid this very well at the start of our relationship but this last year he's been like a different person with his attitude to anyone from a different country.
I'm honestly considering ending our relationship because I can't tolerate racism.

@DarkGreenMini

How can I be with someone that likely thinks those things about me?

It probably makes him feel really superior to you. Prick.

I couldn’t put up with it. However I think it would have come up pretty early on with me as I openly despise racism.

I notice the racist posters havent come back to defend their views

Nope. And others are just quietly voting. It was 4% when I wrote pp. It's 6% now😳

6 % of people here who think that this should be tolerated. Fascinating

OP, please don't put up with that. I was in a similar situation, years ago (early 20s).

He upped the ante, steadily. He would make insulting comments about people from my race, but, of course, I was the exception .

It was a complete headfook. When, I would challenge him, he would say: how can I be racist I'm dating you. Like that was as a get out of jail card?

You don't need to feel less than.

Good luck.

Crikey, mumsnet users at their worst tonight then

That’s definitely be a deal breaker for me, I couldn’t look at him the same

Btw @Ifyoulikepinacolidas Pina Coladas is a 'foreign' drink

OP, bet your DP would eat a curry happily though eh?

"I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look."
Right, the racism is bad enough but now he's escalated - to regarding his wife as the cause of all his ills. That might sound a bit of a stretch, but I don't think it is. 'People like you' means you're not really an individual in his eyes, you're just past of some vague mass of people - people he doesn't like or trust. Or love .

I'd be planning my exit from this relationship ASAP.

I think you have a good reason to reconsider this relationship OP. He's progressively become more racist, not less. It will get worse, how will he behave if DS wanted to bring his friend over? Would you subject the child to your partner and his racism? The way he spoke to you, the mother of his child and the loaded meaning of his words was pretty gross to be honest.

'past of' = 'part of'
(must learn to proofread before posting)

It's awful for you OP but I'm another who couldn't stay with a racist, and his comments ARE racist and anyone who can't see the issue is part of the problem

Would be a deal breaker for me.

Wouldn't want to be spending any time at all with someone with racist views let alone sharing my home and the rest of my life with them.

Can anyone with thinks this is ok, or not that big of a deal please come back and explain why? Genuinely, why this would be OK?

Racism is a dealbreaker for me. And there’s usually hidden sexism and homophobia or other prejudiced/entitled beliefs thrown in - even if they are hidden. It stems from an attitude of superiority.
I couldn’t tolerate that.

oabiti
"If you stay with him, he will always have a green light to put you down, whether directly or indirectly. I hope that's not one of the perverse reasons he got with you."

^^ This 100%. He's gone from not seeming racist, to openly racist, to openly insulting you. Escalating. He has no reason to not continue escalating.

Different strokes and all that

Nope, sorry. "Different strokes" doesn't apply to racism. Racism is unacceptable, always. It is completely and unequivocally wrong. When people like you defend racists by spouting bullshit about them being 'entitled to their opinion' and "different strokes and all that" what you are actually saying is that you think hating someone because of the colour of their skin is a legitimate point of view. It isn't. The only people who believe that it is a legitimate point of view are racists.

OP have you noticed if anything has changed in terms of his internet use at all? Does he have any new friends who seem a bit off? There is so much far-right propaganda online now, different groups springing up all the time (I know because I work with young people who are vulnerable to radicalisation) so if he's talking to people with these views online, reading racist content etc it might explain why this has only surfaced recently.

YANBU-I am horrified that some people think that being racist is no big deal. It is really chilling. @Ifyoulikepinacolidas-do you realise that "just views" like that enabled the Holocaust? Racist hate is not a matter of personal opinion, like preferring Coke over Pepsi, it's a matter of life and death, and the kind of world we want our children to live in.

Find it hard to believe that this racist behaviour has only recently surfaced tbh. People don’t just suddenly develop racist behaviour; it’s something that would have been very apparent early in the relationship. The post just doesn’t ring true.

I'm staggered at racist MNers daring to come onto a thread and out themselves like they have.

Shameful. Utterly, utterly shameful.

I'd be long gone. I'm of mixed blood; an ex told me in bed one night he thought I was great but he wanted someone his own colour because 'people look at you and think I'm with a foreigner.' He was out the door before he knew it.

Jeez.....how can you bear to look at him. He’s a stomach-turning racist pig.

I couldn’t be with him.

• he is racist which is unacceptable.
• he is disrespectful of you as a person and as his partner.
• he’s not the person you initially thought him to be.
• he will be a poor example to your ds.
• he will not change, he will think it is accepted behaviour.
• if you stay with him and accept his behaviour, your self esteem and confidence will be negatively impacted. You will feel terrible.

Imagine thinking that it's more important not to "break up a home and family" than live with a partner who has such abhorrent racist views towards innocent people. How pathetic.

It's people like you who have made this country shit

What, people like you eg loony liberals or people like you eg immigrants? So he’s teaching your ds to disrespect your heritage and that of his new best friend? I absolute would not tolerate him teaching your ds racist views. I think a serious chat is needed. He can hold whatever views he chooses, expressing them to an impressionable child and a wife who is an immigrant is a whole different ball game. I’m not sure I could have a relationship with someone so diametrically opposed to my views.

Sounds fascist. LTB.