To think this comment from DP was disgusting?

[DarkGreenMini]

I've been with DP for 6 years. Slowly over the years he has been showing a different side to him, that he is racist. For the first year he never said or did anything racist then slowly after that he would make racist comments that I would call him out on and he'd apologise saying it's just bad humour.
It has become clear though that he has very racist views, learned from his family (who I don't see often so didn't know this about them).
We have had arguments over his views and comments in the past and he has said that it's just how he was brought up but that he won't make comments any more.
What makes no sense is my parents were immigrants so I don't understand why he would even have gotten involved with me if he is so against immigrants.
Anyway, today I told him that our DS had made a friend who doesn't speak much English but that they get on so well even though DS is speech delayed.
DP sarcastically said 'great' and muttered something about needing to see the parents 'first'. He then said to DS 'where's your foreign friend?'
I instantly said to him not to say anything like that to DS as he doesn't need to learn racist behaviour from him, to which he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.
I'm utterly disgusted by his comment and his racism.
He obviously hid this very well at the start of our relationship but this last year he's been like a different person with his attitude to anyone from a different country.
I'm honestly considering ending our relationship because I can't tolerate racism.

He'd be gone if it were me.

Different strokes and all that?!?! Yes, let's all just brush the racism and hatred under the carpet.... cause it's just a different opinion, as though it's just a preference between rich tea or digestive biscuits...

People would just put up with this?!

These views and this sort of bigotry turn my stomach and I wouldn't be able to look at my DP in the same way again. Especially in your situation when his comments and prejudice impact directly on your family!

I would (for the first time I'm saying this) have to say it'd be a deal breaker for me and I wouldn't want him imprinting my son with the same vile and bigoted opinions.

he replied 'It's people like you who have made this country shit'

if that is how your DP thinks of you, then if I were you, I would not want to be with him. Actually, it doesn't really matter what he said it about, it is the fact that he said it at all ........ but in this context as it is about race and because your family are immigrants, then I honestly don't see how you can have a future together, or understand why he has wanted to be with you for the past 6 years.

I would just put up with it. It’s not that big a deal

Racism isn’t a big deal? OK then. Quite apart from the fact that that is offensive nonsense, it clearly is to the OP or she wouldn’t have posted.

It would be a deal breaker for me too OP, I can’t stand unkindness and that’s what that is at its basest level. He sounds ignorant and bigoted. And ’inheriting’ racism is no excuse.

It’s not just a question of the OP overlooking. She runs a high risk that her partner will pass on his attitudes to their child if she stays.

Unfortunately, even if she leaves and her (ex) partner still has access, this may happen anyway.

@Greatnorthwoods you would ‘overlook’ behaviour that is actively rude and contemptuous to you, your family and your heritage, that indicates deep-rooted ignorance and that will potentially damage your child’s social development and friendships?
Gosh - if none of that is noteworthy to you your bar must be set very low

Brexit brings them out even on MN it seems.

soyy, it didn't post so I added a bit more, then it posted the original comment...

I went on to say:

it is really hard to break up your family, but only you know what you can tolerate and it may get worse.

Fucking hell, people can overlook racism... really.

I know, right? So many LTB's on here for the most bullshit of reasons, yet being a nasty fucking racist is apparently just dandy. What the actual fuck? OP should have added that her DP has a hobby, or uses a fucking loo brush, people on here don't seem to be willing to fucking overlook that kind of shit

Wow,who knew that racism is no longer ‘a big deal’ on here?

Err, no OP, I don’t think you are being unreasonable, because I happen to think racists don’t male good partners, or fathers!

Oh, especially when you’re of another race to them, and they are showing their racist hatred in daily life! Imagine how confused your son will grow up, what will his cultural identity be? Is he ‘one of us’? Or ‘one of them’? Or will it depend on how much his father likes him at the time? Ugh.

At least if you’re not with that man anymore, you can keep a strong and healthy home where there is no racial hatred or identity confusion, for your child to grow up in and to feel safe and nurtured in. Even if his fathers contact time is less than pleasant when it comes to this stuff.

If he can't at least learn to shut up about it, it would definitely be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't want my kids picking up his racist views.

My DH family are immigrants. But they were still pretty freakin racist. I tolerated it from them (for some reason?!), but if DH even HINTS at a bad joke/comment anywhere near our children, he gets it with both barrels. Would it be a deal breaker for me? I think if I really felt in his heart he was genuinely racist, then yes...it probably would.

Racism isn't wrong just because of the impact on people of colour.

It's wrong because it's based in insecurity and hatred, an inability to recognise the humanity in others. It goes hand in hand with sexism, homophobia and other kinds of bigotry.

I wouldn't be able to be with or raise children with such a small person OP.

I think a racist partner is a bloody huge deal. This comment isn't an isolated incident and is an escalation of previous, also aimed directly at the OP by someone who is supposed to love her. I can't see how there would be any way to recover from that. OP's P has made it clear that he despises her.

Clearly there's a rush to this thread of people who think that racism should be overlooked, though.

Racism is one thing, but the ' 'It's people like you who have made this country shit' and gave me the most nasty look.'

I can only interpret as a comment about the OP and her family. That goes beyond relatively abstract racism, to personal abuse. It shows he has contempt for the OP on grounds of race. It doesn't sound from his expression like he was joking. :/

How can PP's think this is relatively ok?

vile racists on this post

Yanbu. Do you know where those vile little bullies and racists learn this from? Parents like your dp. the probability of your child learning and repeating this is great. What if he starts referring to his friend as his foreign friend? I would have no two thoughts about dumping him. most disgusting is that he is insulting his own child!!

No, YANBU!! Those comments are disgusting. Even if he promises to not say anything similar in future and sticks to it, what I wouldn’t be able to get past is the mental attitude / thought process that gave rise to those sorts of comments in the first place. And it doesn’t sound like he intends to change those! He just won’t say them out loud any more because that makes it all ok...! I’d be seriously reconsidering my relationship to someone like that. Especially for the upbringing of DC.

It's funny someone mention foreign doctors.

I've lost count of the time of been asked, "Can I see an English GP," when booking patient appointments. If I was in pain, I'd see an Alien if he/she was qualified.

People are fucking weird.

I can't believe some of the bloody comments on here. Try being made to feel the outsider every bloody time because some arrogant, ignorant tw*t thinks it's not that big a deal. You're definitely right to be concerned at your partner's words/behaviour OP- it isn't on. I don't talk to some friends because they're equally racist.

It's not just a few comments though is it? It's actively insulting his partner, her family, and by extension his child.

For no reason other than their heritage.

That's a damn deal breaker for me.

How can this not be considered a big deal? How can racism ever not be considered a big deal?

That would be it, because it reveals how unpleasant he is and I couldn't be with a nasty, unpleasant man.
The only people who would be ok with this are people who share the same views.

I am just so upset because this is not the man I fell in love with. It also makes me question everything as I don't understand why someone with these views would want to be in a relationship and have a child with someone who's family are immigrants if they so clearly feel hatred towards immigrants.
When these comments first started surfacing I thought it was perhaps a really poor attempt at humour and would stop after I told him how inappropriate it was. But this last year it has become so apparent that these are things he really means.
When I question him on why he doesn't like 'foreigners' he just says 'I don't know, I just don't like them and I'm entitled to my opinion'.
As for my DS's friend, he was fine with the friend when he thought they were English.
I don't want to break my family up, that's not something I would consider easily or it there wasn't a damn good reason, but this is something that has changed our whole relationship. How can I be with someone that likely thinks those things about me?