Dd11 inappropriate messages?

[MarioSisters]

Well maybe they're not inappropriate which is why I'm asking on here.

I took her phone off her earlier as she had been on it long enough and a message from her friend (friend from school, I don't know her though) which started with the words pussy, so I looked at the texts. Oh my god.

OK I know they get interested in sex etc and wondering what it is. But this girl was basically encouraging dd to masturbate, use objects, telling her to watch porn hub. When dd asked what porn is, her friend said its another word for sex. There were more messages but I don't want to go into detail as you don't know who reads these.

I was shocked and checked her group class messages etc and it does seem this girl is definitely in my daughters class and not some random person on the Internet.

I really don't think I'm being a prude, but welcome to be told its normal exploration etc. I just feel horrified, this isn't how I want dd to explore sexuality and sex.

Also they did suggest sending pics to each other soon. And I have so so many times told dd that things sent are out there forever but apparently that didn't sink in.

Don't get me wrong, although this girl is obviously much more knowledgeable than dd, dd was more than happy being led into the discussion and descriptive herself.

Am I being unreasonable? Is this normal? Shall I buy a farm and live off the land with no communication with the world?

Definitely not normal and would report to safeguarding.

I would be concerned that this other girl had been the victim of abuse. This is not normal behaviour for an 11 year-old girl.

It’sa safe guarding issue and needs reporting to the school. This odd in no way normal for 11 year olds.

Oh thank god! I was worried it was overreacting! Didn't even think about it as a safe guarding issue especially as dd was as into it and descriptive as the other girl (other girl may well be 12or closer to 13 as dd is a summer born and in first year of high school)

I'd be horrified to find texts like those. I think you need to report to the school. She does definitely seem to have far too much knowledge for her age.

I would also consider removing your daughters phone.

Jeez not normal at all. I'd be well pissed off with the other girl. You sure it is a friend ?

Yes I would wonder how this girl was into all this at this age, and assume she'd been a victim of grooming or something.

Not normal. Have a chat with school. They can’t do anything as such but might alert the SG officer.

I know it seems shocking but from things I have heard kids say at school (I’m a teacher), they know far too much for their ages.

You really need to ask if this is normal for 11 year olds? I'm quite surprised ....

Jesus I'm so glad I asked! I'm not good at trusting my judgement

You need to talk to your dd about the messages and try to express that, whilst she hasn't done anything wrong and shouldn't feel shame or embarrassment, you need her to understand that some people have their own motives for this kind of thing, personal discovery is best kept to yourself, and definitely don't send anyone any pictures.

Any chance it could be an adult who is using the friend's phone? That was my first thought.

Oh god I hadn't thought that, urgh I feel sick at the thought

And yes obviously I felt the need to ask, as I said, I'm horrified, just wanted to make sure I'm not overreacting

I would also screenshot the messages and send them to safeguarding before they disappear. May help if there is abuse going on. The school can question child, call parents in, refer onto SS so there's quite a lot they can do.

My first thought was it’s not another 11/12 year old but a Pervy adult

For all you know the friend has been fed this script to send to your DD to get messages back to pass on to whoever is encouraging her to engage this kind of talk. 100% report to school first thing on Monday morning.

Fucking hell I hope it isn't an adult with her phone. Dd gave her address and ss a pic of our house from Google maps

Not normal at all. I’d worry what this child has been exposed to. I’d def report it

Illegal.
I would also come from this perspective when speaking to your DD about sending photos. See if engaging in criminal activity will be enough to make her think twice.

Have you asked DD how she got the girl's number? Did a text come through saying 'hi, this is so and so' or did DD get the number directly from the girl?

It sounds like she is being groomed, either by the girl who has been groomed herself or as PPs say, by an adult using the girl's identity (or coercing the girl to say things).

Definitely contact the school.

Just because its saved under a girls name doesnt mean it is a girl.11 yr olds dont say pussy imo,I honestly think it's someone else shes saved in her phone.

Thanks everyone. Shit. She's normally really good and sensible but its like her hormones override her common sense. God help me when she's 14

Never ok to give RL details like address!