What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

Hi all,
No, I didn't spend Xmas day with them, I was with my own family. I was keen to know if they liked their gifts as I felt I put some thought into them so boyfriend fedback to me what they said, perhaps too much detail! Boyfriend's mum was apparently tearful about the niece liking my present more than hers

I only referred to boyfriend's mum as MIL as I was being lazy typing 'boyfriend's mum' all the time

I got for the niece and not for the sister because in my family we usually just buy the kids plus I've had more involvement with the neice than his sister, boyfriend knew this but didn't say anything and believe me he is the type to!

Boyfriend, or shall I say ex boyfriend was fully aware what I bought them all last Xmas because he kept asking 'have u got them something yet?' and asking what I bought which he was with me when I got the coffee machine and he assured me they'd love it.

He led me to believe they had really gone out of their way to get me something amazing in the lead up to Xmas however I really don't believe he knew exactly what, I think the fact his mum said she was going to buy me something perhaps made him very happy like I was being accepted by the wench and he got carried away with himself then put alot of pressure on me to make sure I reciprocated the gesture which perhaps I took as the gift needed to be grand when just the gesture from his mum is what he thought was grand, not the actual present.

However saying that he is very materialistic and gave me a list of what he wanted last Xmas. Yes, I know what you will all say but he had been very generous to me that whole first year and really randomly spoilt me for no reason so I was happy to spoil him back.

Yes there are other factors to our relationship as to why I don't want to stay with him, mainly the moaning. For example, he went straight to football from work one night last week and I forgot he had plans so I called him twice while his phone was in the locker. I just thought he was busy so waited for a call back, which he did and he was really annoyed that I forgot he had football 'because its like u don't care, I don't forget things u tell me' etc etc. He really whinges about the most stupid stuff and I'm quite laid back and care free so we definitely are not a match made in heaven.

I also found out his mum has access to his bank account a month ago as she rang him while we were together asking him what something was that had come out of his account for £120 (nothing to do with me) and wanted an explanation..... He's 27 years old... These things have slowly put me off and this pressure about Xmas is the final straw!!!

Well done for dumping him and his family. Never mind the fact they are all so ungrateful and materialistic, the bit about your takeaway did it for me. Disgusting!

Regift the size 8 crop top to MIL and dump him :)

He should be the one buying for his family not you, just bow out gracefully. He has massivle dumped this on you

Well done OP. Christmas is stressful enough without someone else's weird family making it worse! Spend time with your own family and have a great time without giving your idiot boyfriend a second thought!

Fucking hell that's insane about his bank account. You are well rid.

How are you doing though? X

Definitely the right thing to dump his arse-you can treat yourself with the money you save-can you imagine being tied to him and his family for the foreseeable

Good to heard you have dumped the man-child. Make sure to block him so he cannot continue his whinging nonsense or try to talk you into taking him back. He is truly pathetic and his family are vile. You would have a lifetime of misery if you stayed with him.

I hope you’re feeling relieved and happier Itsme93 and not too upset.

My "close encounter of the vegan kind" definitely isn't bollocks, thank you, it happened. Names, dates, times and locations are available on request (although as that would be breaching GDPR it would probably be safer, from a potential litigation perspective, to leave the first one out or just call them Ms. V.)

I did love the comment upthread about "plain pasta it is, girls". That so made me chuckle and I might have to use a similar comeback in future. (Though doesn't some pasta have egg in it?)

Hi OP, hope you are feeling better now its done.
I kind of feel like your ex-bf needs to get out of his Mums house. Find a place of his own and re-direct all his mail (as I’m betting it was his bank statement she was reading when she called him). She has way too much control. He might start to see the crazy ways once he’s away from it.
All the best for you for the Christmas season

I'm glad you got rid of him. Hope you're ok

Just RTFT and want to congratulate you on dodging such a massive bullet there OP!

Sounds like your (thankfully now ex), boyfriend was love-bombing you at the start of the relationship hoping it would be enough to make you stick around and put up with his pathetic self and fucking weird family forever more. NOPE!!

Lesson well and truly learned.

For gifts, I was going to suggest that you regift the crop top to SIL and give the rest of them socks.

Seriously though, well done for ditching him, it sounds like he isn't the sort to cut the apron strings. For what it's worth, the only account my parents have ever had access to is the Building Society account I had as a child. They sound nuts, run far away.

Ooops, have just realised I posted my comment on entirely the wrong thread. I think it must be coffee time!

OP, I am so sorry you're having this experience; in my family we came to a compromise some years ago which was that, until the kids were grown up, we'd buy for them (but only small token presents, maybe a selection box or whatever) and put a little bit of money into a bank account for them; OR we'd buy them one item from their Christmas list (again, not the big presents). And if we did buy for grown-ups, it had to be something consumable, like chocolate, or coffee, or a nice liqueur. I do know of families where they do Secret Santa for the grown ups for just this kind of reason, so everyone is set a limit, everyone pulls a name from the hat, everyone buys, and gets, a gift of about the same value.

I think YANBU. Both his family and him seem like too much hard work.

I don't think your presents are extravagant; you can clearly afford it so what's the issue?

His family swing from being ungrateful to demanding and your OH sounds lazy and selfish. You're obviously having 2nd thoughts and you know how you feel better than us.

Do what you need to do girl.

Congrats on your new freedom and may your next boyfriend be the loving generous and civilised man you deserve. Your latest notes about his family make it clear that their grabbing is at a pathological extreme. Eating your leftovers you were coming back to! Three chairs/- no need for guests. No cutlery, can’t feed anyone else. And his mom sounds like she would be the mil from hell. Thank goodness you didn’t waste anymore time with those weirdos.

Well done for dumping him.
Life is too short for that.

I think its bizarre that after 2 years together as a couple you're still buying gifts separately for his family, who btw sound like ungrateful twats. And for your boyf to give your expensive gift away to his niece is disrespectful. Why not treat yourself for Christmas and give them coal and/or dog crap instead.

So bizarre about his bank account. You are definitely better off out of this relationship. He has not cut the ties to his mum’s apron strings.

Wrendale do lovely mugs so you can get MIL and FIL one each and then add some Whitards fancy coffee or hot chocolate and a fancy packet of biscuits.
If your buying for the Niece I personally wouldn't buy for the SIL as it can get so expensive especially as years go buy and the families grow. Frozen 2 jewellery and some Frozen PJs would go down well I'm sure. Good luck, hope it all works out x

Oops sorry just read you have separated. Have a good future and all the best x

I think you're well rid OP, here's to a nice stress free Christmas with your family toasting what a bullet you've dodged

MIL probably felt your presents were overshadowing hers, but they seemed more expensive than they actually were. I’d have assumed much more than £16 for the rocking horse.
Definitely should be joint presents from the both of you going forward. Decide on gifts together.
Awful of SIL to sell an iPad that was actually your gift to DP. I’d be asking her directly why she thought she had any business doing that.

You are well rid of the whole nasty lot of them. This Christmas debacle just shows you what kind of people they really are...not even the little bit nice.
You deserve better @Itsme93
Don't settle for this type of crap in your life
You're young and sound like a really nice person.
Go with your gut feeling in future if something seems off about a person then listen to yourself.
In the meantime have a lovely Christmas with your decent family and don't give him any more headspace