What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

He got my mum flowers however he knows my parents are very 'don't buy us anything, save ur money' however my parents always get him vouchers etc. His birthday was in June and he told me to tell my mum not to get him anything because his mum will then have to buy me something so cleaethere'd been a conversation. I found it all very pathetic of his mum and him. I said how about we don't do gifts at all and he looked dissapointed

I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.

Ffs

Finish with him now. No way should he have told you all that stuff that his mum said. In future he will expect you to sort all us family gifts out and I dont wives/ partners should do that.

I do think the gifts were very extravagant for people you dont know well and early on in a relationship. A rocking horse for a child not related to you I think that's actually quite presumptuous and over the top. What if the parents don't want one or haven't the space? What if they feel guilty about not being able to reciprocate?

That is probably how the mil feels, embarrassed by an extravagant gift and she can't reciprocate. Gifts can make people u comfortable even if you dont expect anything on return.

Why don’t you buy his Mum a size 8 crop top?

Why don’t you buy his Mum a size 8 crop top?

Perfection

Just tell him to buy the presents jointly from you both

What did he get for your family?

I think your gifts were lovely, thoughtful and well-meaning, but FAR too extravagant for people you barely know. There is a reason why Boots sells nice gift sets at Christmas, so if you feel you MUST buy everyone things again this tear, i would buy nice smellies and things like that, and have done with it. Personally i would tell your boyfriend that you're not putting up with this nonsense any more.

How is the relationship otherwise?
What are his reasons for not wanting to do presents together?
Don't do vouchers just get them some chocolates or flowers if you feel you have to get them something.
Fuck them after last years reaction.

You sound very mismatched op. How old are you? Think to the future.....do you want this trauma every year for the next 30? You don't sound like you like your partner much either.

Fgs.
You were an idiot last year.
Don't be an idiot this year. Tell him or them that you are spending 20 quid per person. Anything that they would like?
You got it wrong

His family, he buys from both of you.
What did he personally buy your family last year?
The presents you bought did seem overly generous, but you were led to think you were also getting a big present so I understand. Giving your gift to him away was mean.
Definitely let him sort the gifts out.

No a nice set of granny thermals for his mum, you could custom crop them (so she couldn’t return them!😱) A small box of chocs or soap for his sister. What about a nice craft set for his niece - no need to punish the child. Perhaps something with LOTS of glitter

Honestly? Do you have to see them this Christmas? You’ve only been together for a couple of years. If you do have to get them something, get something small.

I’m wondering if you are incredibly well off. I would find being given a coffee maker quite stressful. The rocking horse was very generous but I have to admit that my first thought was whether they have room for it.

Longer term, it sounds as though you aren’t that compatible. Imagine every bloody Christmas and birthday having to have a load of drama about presents for your boyfriend’s family.

You come across as a bit of a show off TBH. I'd have got my BF of 1 years parents a simple gift, perhaps a nice bottle of whiskey and some expensive biscuits, and I'd have asked his sister what she would like for her DD.

I wouldn't be buying them anything at all. It's up to him if he wants to buy his family presents. Tell him not to buy your family any gifts and then you're even. If he still expects you to buy gifts for his family, I'd bin him.

Are you very rich OP? Those are extravagant gifts (and too showy for people you don’t really know much) but perhaps it’s a chocolate box equivalent for you. Your boyfriend sounds grabby and his mother sounds rude & ungrateful.

Relationship review in order. Get everyone a chocolate box and £10 coffee shop voucher if you’re feeling generous.

I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I'd have binned him then, once I'd made it clear I expected to get the ipad back.

If you do think it's a laugh to stay with this tosser, I'd have some fun with him by suggesting you go shopping together for presents for parents. Just to make sure you spend the same, lol.

You definitely went way overboard with last years presents OP. If these presents are from you and not you and your BF I would stick to Wine, Chocolates and / or flowers. If they are from both of you leave it up to him - they are his bloody family.

And going on what his mum said about your birthday she wont be going all out on you this year and if she does, well that can be payback for last year. I know - I am a cynical old wagon

I would have binned him after he gave his iPad away. What has he got going for him that you put up with that?

He seems a bit (lot) read and said by his family. That was so rude and ungrateful giving his Sister the Ipad you had just bought him. Does he see you as a cash cow?

I would ditch him, the family dynamics are never going to improve by the looks of it?

I’ve been with my husband 23 years. I’ve never bought a present for his side 🤷‍♀️ same as he’s never bought for my side. All gifts are marked from both of us tho.

He and his ghastly family would have been long gone by now.
He gave your gift to him away.

OP, focus on why your standards are so low.

Are these people you want to be involved with long term?

Honestly that should be your focus. 💐

When we were dating a long time ago we did not buy families presents. After we married there were joint presents for the parents .
If your relationship is otherwise good . I would tell him that you don't buy gifts for each others families. .
If you want to be polite then some flowers otherwise something from Anne Summers.
Or give his mum the top she gave you .
If things are not great beteween you , cut your loses

You went a bit overboard on last year's presents. But it seems that your bf and his mum are now greedily regarding you as some sort of Santa cash cow.

He seems very focussed on what you are buying materially - and it is strange that you are not doing joint presents.

How is the rest of the relationship? His grasping and greedy attitude would be a big turn off for me.