What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

After reconsidering, as other suggest, bin him off.

If you are still with him, donate some money to a charity in their names and give them a slip in their Christmas cards.

They sound horrific

"...I find them quite socially inept..."
What is he, your bit of rough !?
You sound terribly arrogant and flaunting your perceived social status (coffee machines and rocking horses) obviously makes these more down to earth people uncomfortable
If you are not used to wealth and sister being happy means more than the value of an i-pad i would say he is a diamond
He deserves better
Get over yourself before he realises his family values mean more than you do
If you can consider dumping him so flippantly then let him go so he can find someone who cares more about people than moaning on about how her gracious bounty was not appreciated

Firstly, I'd dump him, he sounds like a mummy's boy. Imagine the expectations if you're married?

If that's not an option realistically, get the mother a cheap top, the sister some cheap soaps and say you're taking your cues on what's appropriate from their gifts to you. Tbh I wouldn't bother buying for the adults once they've got children you're expected to buy for.

I think you have much bigger problems then some repeat of Christmas drama. You sound kind and thoughtful, your gifts were not OTt if you knew the price but it was a bit odd to give gifts at all after just one year. But your boyfriend does not sound like he is supportive or loving towards you. I would get out of the relationship ASAP so you can find a decent man. They exist! You should not settle for this:

1. Telling you the crap things his rude and ungrateful mother said about your gifts.
2. Not telling you he defended you to this rude mom, and not telling her she was out of line and he isn’t going to support that kind of talk about his sweet kind gf

3 instead he is 100% supporting his mother over you.

1. Giving away your expensive and thoughtful gift for him. Even considering doing this is very mean and disrespectful to you.
2. Giving it away even after you told him you’d rather have it yourself if he doesn’t want it. !!! wtf??
3. Giving it away because his rude mommy asked him to.
4. Pestering you about gifts for his family. And these gifts are not reciprocated with your own family.
5. Implying a box of candy wouldn’t be good enough. Very obsessed with material things maybe?

9.Being so insensitive after all the shit he stirred last year by repeating rude mommy’s words. After all that he should be suggesting that you do joint gifts. 10. Refusing to do joint gifts when you specifically asked him to, given how upset you were by last Christmas. And who doesn’t do joint gifts if there are gifts at all.

Honestly can’t you see this guy is a self centered user who is not kind to you in the slightest? And a mommy’s boy to a rude mommy. Who had the nerve to give you a tiny crop top? Who does that? So a potential mil who is not on your side. And he will always take her side.

What virtues can he possibly have to outweigh this?

There are much better men out there and you are a kind thoughtful person who deserves someone who will be good to you. And have your back. And value any gift you give him. He is not valuing you at all it seems. He deserved to be dumped.

Good luck!

My closest friend always says this about relationships, ‘if you want to know how it ends up, go back to the start’. Never a truer word spoken here. I’d like to be generous and say the BF just cares deeply about his family. But I don’t think that’s what’s going on here. He clearly holds his mother’s values in high esteem. Thinks nothing of telling you what they think, but doesn’t stand up for you to them. I’m quite a fair person and have put up with my fair share of CF’s in my time, and I think life is too short to be wasting time on people that are overly invested in themselves. Consider it ‘warning shots fired’ 🤭😬

Think you may have gone a bit overboard last year. Strange about the crop top though. Ask bf what he thinks you should give; just not bother; give cards with £10 voucher. Your bf is out of order giving his ipad away, why didn't he give niece his old one to play games on. Think I would chuck him, no respect for you and family sounds like hard work.

Your never going to win with these people,no matter what you do unfortunately,what happened to joint presents?you have to evaluate your relationship?is it worth going through this again?tbh he sounds pathetic!!!

Honestly? I would either A: be ditching the bf, because it's clear he is totally under his mum's control. You are now in a long term relationship you deserve some support too.

Or B: I would not be seeing his family at Christmas and not accepting not buying any gifts for them at all, only bf.

The whole lot of them sound pathetic and selfish. Why the hell should he give his gift to his niece? That would piss me right off.

My answer to him would be, “you want to stay in a relationship with me then you buy for your family, I’ll buy for mine, and that’s that”.

I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'.

Is your MIL Mrs Doyle?

Tell him you are happy to have him as a boyfriend but not his whole family. That you are cool if he wants to spend Christmas with them but if he stays with you it is just the two of you/Immediate kids and no one else, no presents for anyone else, either. Comprenez? It is not up for debate.

If he submits keep it like that. life is too short to get sucked into these mind games unless you like playing them. Many people do as is obvious from the boards.

@Itsme93

Stop giving grownups presents? If you feel that this inappropriate tell everyone that you are giving money instead to charity

Box of biscuits each. The Fox's ones.

This will never end in a happy marriage for you - dump him!! He sounds like a total prick - and do it before Christmas 🎄

@B9ddy you are the only person to say this. How is a £40 coffee machine and rocking horse less than £20 'arrogant' and 'flaunting her social status'?

Xmas at your house must be fun! I bet you accept graciously.. Not!

Monadiva
I accept any gift or none at all with kindness and a gracious spirit
I certainly would not go on social media to complain about gifts given or teceived
These people are obviously family not money oriented

Mondiva being the only person to say something just means i have a different perspective and am not a sheep

What an ass.
I'd be questioning if the relationship is worth continuing , coz this is how every Christmas will run from now on. As will all future gift expectations.
If you don't boot him into the stratosphere in the meantime, let a charity benefit. Oxfam goat was suggested previously, I believe you also get pigs.

Anyone else think @B9ddy is the boyfriend's mum?!

I was in a relationship when I was 17 and I bought he separate presents for his family, and his family was fucking huge, they were all grateful though which was nice but looking back now I think it was so odd to do that. I’d honestly end it he sounds like a class prick anyway.

I think you might be right @Hatefireworks88

buy them all insulting /tacky presents, things you know they hate including your boyfriend.

damn rude people. their behaviour is disgusting. they obvs don't think much of you do give you something the wrong size and that a teenager would wear.

fight fire with fire or get rid

They sound awful, and so does he tbh.

You've clearly got the measure of him cos you're asking if you should dump him lol.

No lol. Just dump him! You definitely have a bf problem! His family sound like a nightmare so if you stick with him you'll end up marrying into that family. No thank you!