What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

There's no way I would agree to choosing presents for my in laws. I get on well with them but I wouldn't expect my husband to choose presents for my family so why should I choose them for his?

Just refuse to do it.

Bloody hell OP Those are pretty extravagant Xmas presents!

I think your bf’s mum sounds rude and ungracious, but I also think you haven’t gauged the situation correctly. Why on earth would you buy so much for people you barely see? Do you need the approval?

Bin the pathetic twat.

Just give them a box of Quality Street and remove all the purple ones.

They sound like quite expensive presents.
Were you out of sync with other spending in the family?
Do you need to give separate presents - can't you give joint ones?

I wouldn't bother continuing this relationship tbh.

Christ. I'm amazed the relationship survived last Christmas. What an obnoxious and grabby family.

The first question is whether your relationship is otherwise great and if your DP has enough redeeming qualities that you're willing to overlook the issues in your OP. If it is then I would tell BF that any gifts to his family will be from the both of you and he will be required to choose and wrap them. Tell him how much you're willing to put towards them but make sure you don't pay more than 50%. He sounds like the kind of CF who wouldn't mind you paying for the whole thing.

From your OP I wouldn't fancy a lifetime if issues with this family so consider your position carefully.

I think it's odd to do presents from each of you separately? DH and I give joint presents - he's in charge of picking the ones for his family and I do it for mine (obviously we chat about ideas!) We've always done that since before we were married and it's consistent with how gifts are done in both our families.

A) I would finish with him since you seem to have very different ideas about things
B) I would finish with him becasue he expects you to do all the "family" work. They are his family you don't really need to be involved. (Imagine in five years time when you find you have all the "family" jobs
C) I would finish with him because he reposted back the things his mother said rather than say direct to her that he wouldn't hear any bitching about you and that she should be grateful for her lovely gifts.

What nonsense, if you have to buy get something like nice set of shower gels for mil and sister after all it doesn't look as if they are going to any effort for you - then a reasonable but smallish gift for niece

After two years I would be expecting presents to be from both of you and as they are his parents, he should be sorting it. Sounds like you buy lovely, generous presents and he taking advantage of this (and you!). Really fucking rude of him to give the Ipad away btw. Horrible of him.

Your presents do sound a bit OTT. Are your boyfriend's family equally as well off as you? I'd certainly be thrown by such expensive gifts.
While I would never say anything to you, I'd probably have felt the same way as his mum, if I couldn't afford the sort of gifts you gave, particularly to her granddaughter.

But yep, this time he chooses the gifts and they come from you as a couple.

Fuck that, run for your life. Stay with this twat and the rest of your life will be a misery with these lunatics. His mother is a nightmare.

I did tell him 'they'll get what they're given' and he joked 'what? A box of chocolates?'
I was extravagant last year because the run up to Xmas he made it sound like I was getting something amazing from them 'my mums buying your Xmas present today', 'what have u got them?' as in 'u better get them something' and I panic bought. I don't give to receive but I got that sh*tty crop top and a box of old lady soap from his sister. So if anything, I felt embarrassed! I'd much rather have bought M&s Xmas bouquet or something

What did he buy for your family?

Ask him what he's getting for your family.

It's his family, so he buys the presents, add your name to the tags, job done.

A rocking horse was just one of the presents you got for the niece of your bf of one year?

All kinds of batshittery going on.

Buy his Mum a Boots No 7 gift pack and turn up squeezed into last year’s crop top..

Chocolates all round this year and save your pennies for those who appreciate your gifts. To bf I'd just say, "Well, my ideas didn't go so well last year so I'm keeping things really simple this year."

What is he getting them? More to the point, what is ge getting your relatives?!

I would get them a box of matchmakers between them. They sound awful.

Honestly I’d ditch him and save yourself years of turmoil. They sound quite deranged and like they have no idr a shred of emotional intelligence.

My 12 year old uses 'boyf'. How old is yours? 13? Because if he's an adult he can't be a 'boyf'.

Those were ridiculous presents after being together for a year

Before me and DP lived together we used to get each other's parents a nice bottle of something, just like a token gift, but the main present is from your bf really.

They sound grabby but at the same time it's odd you bought such an extravagant present for the mum and neice but nothing for the sister

You bought his niece a rocking horse? And nothing for his sister but a coffee machine for his mum? You have a seriously weird approach to presents, do you like flashing your cash or something?