What do I do about MIL this Xmas after last year's drama??

[Itsme93]

Hey all,
I've currently got the boyf of 2 years asking me what I'm going to get his parents for Xmas.
I wouldn't usually mind as I love Xmas & buying presents however last year I had a few problems....

1. I bought his parents a fancy coffee machine as they love coffee but strangely enough they never bought themselves one so I thought, great gift. A few days after Xmas, the boyf said his mother was not happy because I 'showed her up'. I asked him how? Apparently my present was too grand as she had only bought me a size 8 crop top (which I think was a recycled present as its definitely not my style and I'm a size 12 - before anyone jumps on this about accidental wrong sizing, his mum is fully aware I'm not a size 8 nor would I ever wear a crop top!) I said it was fab etc thanks so much on the day though.
2. instead of buying his sister, I bought gifts for her little girl instead. Apparently MIL was not impressed by that and that I should have got his sister something.
3. one of the gifts I got his neice was a rocking horse which the little girl loved and Xmas day wouldn't get off it. MIL was not happy that my gift overshadowed hers and said 'I wish this gift had been from me'.
4. last Xmas I bought boyf an updated ipad as his had broken, within 6 weeks he gave it to his sister because the mother said the neice would like it to play games on. I wasn't impressed and said I'd rather have it back. Boyf still gave it to the niece

I rarely see any of his family, find them quite socially inept however I am happy to get them something. I told boyf for him to sort it out this year but he wants to do it seperately and with already asking me what I'm getting them all, he's obviously got expectations which has actually p*ssed me right off.

Do I finish with him lol I really feel like he's part of the problem and I'm fed up of these expectations of me having to impress his family like I'm not good enough, as that's how I feel.... Or do I act like nothing and just do vouchers?

Lulualla Fri 01-Nov-19 17:49:26
This is where I'm going to be a snog. Dolce gusto, where your coffee is made from nasty tasting pods and fake frothed milk isn't a fancy coffee. It's a budget coffee maker.
..........
That's made my day :-).

@GreenTulips I don't know if you're insinuating that I'm young or if you think that's funny... Is MN only for older people?

Get your bf to write your name on his gifts ..from you both easy peasy problem solved!

I suspect people were imagining something like my first picture when you said a rocking horse, but maybe it was actually something more like the second photo?! In which case, you weren’t being very extravagant really.

I was rolling my eyes a bit about you making this much fuss two years into a relationship, then I realised I’d drunk the MN koolaid regarding relationship lengths! DH and I had just had DS by the time we’d been together two years... mind you, his family aren’t toxic. Unless you REALLY like this guy, I’d dump him and find someone with a functional family.

You're OK, itsme, and I hope you and boyfriend are going to part company. Certainly don't go to them for Christmas!

I have been with DH 7 years and have never bought a separate gift for his family. Does he still live with them, and is he normally so grabby? Does he normally do what mammy tells him? Very sexy.

I would bin him off altogether tbh.

Primark pyjamas for the lot of them then have done! You will get it all for next to nothing ...and who doesnt love pyjamas? Well obviously not from primark but they would do for that shower of shite you have inherited for inlaws!!!!

"The coffee machine was on special offer £40 in makro and the rocking horse was £16 on Groupon?"
You did make it sound like some super duper coffee maker and I'd conjured up a vision of one of those huge lovely old-fashioned rocking horses which must be super-expensive.
If his mum felt shown up by what you bought, then it is a good idea to cut down. Be guided by what they bought you?

As he won' be buying your parents anything then I really don't think you should buy for his family. He should buy for his family and just add your name onto the gift tag.

£20 pp is still loads of money compared to last years miniature crop top and old lady soap. If the aim is not to embarrass them with your generosity.

I’d buy everyone a box of Malteasers. Maybe if feeling generous add on top for FIL - a bottle of booze or, MIL -pods for the coffee machine, Niece hair clips (remember she had the iPad so don’t go mad), Sister - hand cream, bf - add booze you like (again remember iPad incident, so buy stuff you like and then drink it).

Get BF a Barbie doll - regifting made easy

What do you see in him? Is he nice, caring, supportive and loving apart from this issue? You’re really not selling him as a nice guy, future partner here. In fact I don’t think you could give him away right now....

Your gifts last year were far too extravagant, well over the top.
This year give a shared gift with your boyfriend and stop spending ridiculous amounts on people.
If bf isn't happy with that then bin him, he sounds rubbish anyway, he should not have been giving away an expensive iPad, that is so disrespectful.

@StarlingsInSummer one like this from Groupon... Thought it was cute and a good deal

1 - your bf is an arse. He gives nowhere near the thought to your family as he's expecting you to give to his and is very very grabby.

2 - your bf's mum (not your MIL btw) is a grabby person

3 - you're over thinking this massively and letting it become an unnecessary drama.

Either tell your bf (and his family) that as your gifts caused so many issues last year there's too much pressure on you this year so you're not doing gifts. Tell them you don't want anything from them either.

If you really must get something, tell them you're not buying anything then give them some biscuits or a hamper or something.

OR see your grabby bf for what he is and end things.

Do you live with him? I think his expectation that you will buy presents for his family is shocking, and how incredibly rude of him to give away your gift of an iPad to him.

What are his good points ?

He should be managing ALL of this - both buying a joint present to give to his family and advising his family what to give to you.

Surely if you are a couple a gift would come from both of you? Why doesn't he put your name on whatever he's bought and you put your name on whatever gifts you buy your family?

PS - I've been with DH for 16 years and apart from the first year when I bought very small presents for his family we've always bought joint presents for both families. Buying them separately is just madness imo

Do people really buy joint presents when they're only boyfriend and girlfriend? I'd not do that until living together, and until then I'd just buy something small as a gesture.

He and his family are being a bit grabby. He wants you to buy for his mum and sister and niece (anyone else?) And he just gets you something? Even if it is expensive he doesn't get to dictate that. I'd just bin off buying them anything or visiting them for that matter.

Dont know what to buy the sniffy mother and sister but boyfriend deserves only something like some socks. Can’t believe he gave the iPad away!! They’re several hundred quid!!

Get flowers. Until my mil became my mil I used to just get them all a family present of a nice bunch of flowers, and either prosecco or chicks. One year I made a Christmas cake. Now she is my MIL it's up to DH to sort her gift from both of us.

This can't be real.

OP - you're a mug. Your 'D'P ...? Really? This is the best you can do?

Bin the twat off, and this problem is solved.

And in case it's not blindingly obvious to you - it doesn't matter WHAT you get the shower of gobshites, it will be wrong. Too fancy, too cheap, too grand. 🙄

So don't get them anything.

Your presents do sound very generous. Your DP is being a bit weird though by telling you all this.

Oh he's a cheeky bastard telling you to get his sister a present. It obviously bothered him the whinging from his mother last year when you didn't get her anything. Can he not cope with getting told off from Mammy. The nerve of them all!!

Really odd to give separate gifts. Do you buy extravagant presents for your own family? What does he buy your family?