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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 31/10/2019 18:02

That is... bizarre to say the least.

Reallynowdear · 31/10/2019 18:04

Christ that's bonkers, your poor PIL.

She sounds awful.

misspiggy19 · 31/10/2019 18:04

Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways

^She can want that all she wants. Not going to happen is it? She can’t do anything legally. Crazy woman

pallisers · 31/10/2019 18:06

She's not thoughtless - she is greedy and stupid. She hasn't a leg to stand on.

Tell your MIL to just ignore her.

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:08

She's vile, but mostly because of the state she brought my PILs into (I'm the exception to the rule in that I'd do anything for them, as they were always amazing to me). I was always pointedly on my best behaviour around her, as the whole OW situation was none of my business, even when some other relationships were strained, but this ends now!

OP posts:
Howyiz · 31/10/2019 18:10

Why are they even entertaining this nonsense?

Knittedfairies · 31/10/2019 18:10

I want doesn't get. The woman is barmy.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/10/2019 18:11

The inheritance was followed. The cousin got the house and decided to sell and split his money. She cannot demand anything. CF indeed!!

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:11

And yes, we know that, technically, she can't do anything, but to tear the family apart like this, that's what sent everyone steaming through the ears!

OP posts:
CanuckBC · 31/10/2019 18:12

She is cray cray! She wasn’t part of the family. Her kids didn’t even know the man who passed away!!! It definitely wasn’t in the will for what happened to happen.

Legally, no me to stand on. Morally and ethically, no leg to stand on.

The fact the first cousin who inherited the home sold and passed on the money was so generous it’s amazing!

What a stunned cow.

I don’t know how to answer your poll. She is a stunned entitled bitch of epic proportions. And yes, after 6 years all of the moneys would be gone, FFS.

GreenTulips · 31/10/2019 18:12

Nope

House was willed to cousin

They decided to split their money how they saw fit.

Nothing to do with anyone else

Down get sucked in - you do not owe them any explanation or sympathy

Knittedfairies · 31/10/2019 18:12

P.S. Your husband's cousin is a gem!

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 31/10/2019 18:13

She needs to fuck off, her DH needs to grow a spine and divorce her.

Veterinari · 31/10/2019 18:13

They just need to ignore! She and her DC aren’t even related to the grandfather that died and weren’t around when he was alive so are not entitled to anything. She can demand all she likes but it won’t happen

Cocolapew · 31/10/2019 18:14

Absolutely bonkers, what on earth is she thinking Confused

Lunafortheloveogod · 31/10/2019 18:15

And I want a real life unicorn to ride to Asda n back everyday...

Neither of us will get it. The money’s spent, split by the cousin on his own free will. Have you told PIL’s that it’s legally not possible so theres nothing to worry about.. and obviously they can just go ahead with Christmas without the family nut.

hairyheadphones · 31/10/2019 18:16

She’s so rude, I can’t even understand how she thinks it’s reasonable.

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:17

She's not, she's just demanding, as per usual and her DH is letting her do what she pleases, as per even more usual.

OP posts:
user1471449295 · 31/10/2019 18:18

She hasn’t a leg to stand on. Just ignore. Get everyone to sit ignore her

ClemDanFanGoul · 31/10/2019 18:18

Can you all not just laugh at the crazy twat and ignore her, giving her attention for this behaviour will only fuel it.

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 18:21

What she's asking for defies basic logic & common decency, someone needs to have strong words, Lord knows why her husband hasn't told her to stop embarrassing him/herself

The money is spent FFS, and the man had naught to do with her.

Seriously, is she quite well?

Worriedmum1511 · 31/10/2019 18:22

I would just keep repeating "if you feel this has been done illegally then feel free to take it to court. Until then we will not be discussing it" and know.if they pursued court they would be laughed out.

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 18:24

They wouldn't be laughed out of court, they'd be laughed off the phoneline/office of any decent solicitor after some plain speaking

She is a grabby chancer

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:26

I'd love to know who the one YABU vote was Confused

OP posts:
FavouriteSoul · 31/10/2019 18:27

She's making a complete twat of herself and what she is asking for makes absolutely no sense at all.