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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
GoldenFlaps · 31/10/2019 18:31

Typical fucking OW - wanting stuff they've got no right to Angry

Not that it matters, but in what way does she think the will wasn't followed to the letter?

FredaFrogspawn · 31/10/2019 18:32

You have a right to be very angry indeed with such a greedy person upsetting the family.

Guavaf1sh · 31/10/2019 18:32

Agree with poster who said husband should divorce her!

Nomorepies · 31/10/2019 18:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

IfIShouldFallFromGraceWithGod · 31/10/2019 18:37

Who the hell is the 1%
Please explain

Unwrittenrule · 31/10/2019 18:38

Christ, the brass neck on some people! Really it's the BIL who's responsible for the rift in the family though, he should have closed her (utterly ridiculous) suggestion down before anyone else knew anything about it. He would have made his bed in my family and we would be leaving him and his bonkers wife to it.

Sewrainbow · 31/10/2019 18:38

I'm surprised non9ne hasn't laughed in her face cf!!

hotdogwoof · 31/10/2019 18:39

She can want it, it doesn't mean she will get it.

beethebee · 31/10/2019 18:40

Wow this is bonkers!

I think CF's DH's siblings need to give him a slap sit him down and explain to him how much his bananas wife is hurting the family.

Zaphodsotherhead · 31/10/2019 18:40

My jaw actually dropped reading this.

I've known some bonkers and entitled people in my years (I've even married one or two), but this is just...wow.

I'd LOVE to know how she justifies believing that she's entitled to any of this money, and why she thinks SHE and HER children should benefit to any degree. If she really thought the will wasn't properly administered (which it clearly was), then her DH ought to be the beneficiary, and it would be up to him what happened to the money, which might not then be spent on HER children!

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2019 18:41

This stupid woman’s reasoning makes no sense. Does she understand how the will worked? Your dhs cousin chose to then split 4 ways and gift x amount to his cousins. Even if she were around, the cousin had every right not to give money to a blood relative, let alone some random ow and her kids.

It sounds as if you / your dh are vulnerable right now. Can anyone stand up to this woman?

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 31/10/2019 18:41

The inheritance was followed. The cousin got the house and decided to sell and split his money. She cannot demand anything. CF indeed!!

This. With knobs on.

The cousin and his wife very generously chose to share their inheritance - they were under no legal obligation to do so. The money they gave to the others was a gift. She has no right to demand anything.

Shouldhavedoneitsooner · 31/10/2019 18:41

She is totally unreasonable of course but just for clarity... the inheritance seems to have skipped a generation to the grandchildren. Did all of your FIL’s generation have children? Was the Uncle childless? If he was the only one who didn’t get a share by default, then I could see that perhaps it could be perceived as he missed out.

dontgobaconmyheart · 31/10/2019 18:41

What she 'wants' is neither here not there is it though, so ultimately that surely is not an issue- it is nothing to do with her and she is obviously short some brain cells if she thinks she has a legal claim on behalf of DC who are not even related to a will distributed long past.

How your cousin distributed HIS legally acquired income is entirely up to him, she has no claim to that, he was in no way obligated to even share it out whatsoever when he did so, what he legally did was GIFT you all his own money, the inheritence was not split.

I appreciate they are upset OP and a falling out is not nice but they are adults and ultimately they are giving it more credence than necessary when they should have simply pointed out that the idea was laughable, she will get nowhere with it. 'Going on the warpath' though tempting only creates more drama- families fall out, and they are going to have to find a way to deal with the fact that theirs has. The family has hardly been torn apart if you all agree its ridiculous and her DH is as much to blame as her if he is not outwardly disagreeing with it, he too, is an adult.

I think in all honesty you would be doing them the bigger favour by reassuring them she is misinformed about her rights so there is nothing to worry about there, and then continuing normal life rather than stepping in to defend them or taking it upon yourself to 'deal' with her. There isn't actually anything you can do about it, it would only boil down to extra angst. Everyone will think she is a dick after this anyway.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 31/10/2019 18:42

I can see your cousin and his wife being bullied mercilessly by her until he, at least, hands over money. Because when you think about it it wasn't the will that was at 'fault' add that have the house to him, it was purely his decision to split the money as he did. I'm surprised she's not realized this.

He needs to know that he has the support of all of you and he's not to try to sort this out by himself, even if she does try to blend him at some point in the future. What he did was incredibly generous and he's done absolutely nothing wrong.

I wonder what her reaction would have been had he kept the house and not split his inheritance between the cousins at all?

Angie1510 · 31/10/2019 18:42

Has nobody ever told her,that “I want,doesn’t get”? She needs to get a grip seriously. Feel so sorry for your MIL.

plightofthealbatross · 31/10/2019 18:42

I think any family member she complains to or demands money from on this should very clearly and loudly to fuck the hell off.

Repeat as necessary.

Otherwise, no one should engage with her on the conversation, other than to tell her to fuck the hell off.

HollowTalk · 31/10/2019 18:43

I'm confused - who is the SIL?

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/10/2019 18:44

The 1% can be accounted for mostly by human error. A proportion of people don’t know you can switch votes.

Tartyflette · 31/10/2019 18:44

The YABU vote could have been in error. (Deffo wasn't me!)
One pct of 140 votes is less than two votes, isn't it?

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 31/10/2019 18:44

How did she even find out about the arrangements anyway?

Did the idiot cousin tell her? What possessed him to do something as stupid as that?

A gift can't be demanded back even by the giver - certainly not by the giver's other half.

Tartyflette · 31/10/2019 18:45

Oops. Cross post and see the votes now total 170.

Sparklesocks · 31/10/2019 18:45

Does she not understand how inheritance works...? Once it’s out and split...it’s out and split...

Winterdaysarehere · 31/10/2019 18:46

Tell her to send links to solicitors. Let them laugh at her..

AlternativePerspective · 31/10/2019 18:50

I’l admit this confused me slightly when I read it, but to just put it simply, there were four cousins initially, and subsequently one of the uncles who didn’t have his own children got together with an OW whose children technically would fall under the cousin banner but obviously don’t - for logical reasons....

So it sounds as if this woman is viewing her children as cousins along with the other four hence why she is demanding the money be split six ways....?

TBH she is bloody cheeky, but I disagree that she is tearing a family apart. She demands, everyone else says no. The end. If the uncle doesn’t want to come round after that then that is his choice. But assuming the rest of the family are all on one side this can only cause as much upset as people allow it to.