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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
StormTreader · 01/11/2019 18:00

"You are mistaken GSIL, that was not inheritance, that was finalised and completed according to the will 7 years ago.
That was a spontaneous generous one-off gift from Cousin to your husband, there is no more available to give to your family."

johnlennonsglasses · 01/11/2019 18:06

Jesus she is absolutely bat shit! The uncle needs to bin her.

Bluerussian · 01/11/2019 18:18

Presumably your half of the inheritance is quite a bit; your husband's eldest son will inherit the same.

When you pop your clogs, your son stands to inherit a bit. You might find that your stepson is an excellent and generous older brother too, you never know.

VanyaHargreeves · 01/11/2019 18:59

@StormTreader

The woman demanding the money is the PILs SIL and the Stepmother of the Cousin who inherited whose children are not biological siblings

BlouseAndSkirt · 01/11/2019 19:09

I agree with StressedOut.

This woman will get all her DH's money left to her in his will and she will leave it all to her kids, not your DH's cousin.

I bet she is younger than him?

LetsSlashMummy · 01/11/2019 19:11

She's ridiculous, but the rest of your family sound lovely.

However, you all need to stop entertaining anything related to the topic, don't get drawn into "gotcha," moments over schools - just keep saying "that's for you and their father to decide." She's acting like their schooling is your family's decision/responsibility, which is one step from expecting you to agree to her sense of unfairness/entitlement, just bat it back as if it's nothing to do with you. When she says it's family money ask if her DCs will share money from their family. It's one thing to treat step children well, another thing altogether to apply this retrospectively to people the children never met - insane.

Pantalaimon88 · 01/11/2019 19:57

I agree with LetsSlash - why are you entertaining her with discussions about how far the money would stretch and costs of school fees? You’re basically telling her that the only reason she isn’t getting it is because there wouldn’t be enough for what she wants.

Stop entertaining her batshit nonsense. Just tell her “Debbie, the money has been spent and is no longer available. And even if it was, you and your children would have no entitlement to it whatsoever. Stop this nonsense right now.” And refuse to discuss it any further.

sueelleker · 01/11/2019 20:06

I'd advise her not to hold her breath. I think she should-forever!

MissMarpletheMurderer · 01/11/2019 20:42

Thank you TimeIhadaNameChange it is exactly that. I think the cf has a bigger plan than gf inheritance. Tread carefully OP

StormTreader · 04/11/2019 10:52

@VanyaHargreeves yes? I'm not sure how that changes anything? Apart from making it sound like a logic puzzle.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/11/2019 19:31

Good advice on here-this needs shutting down and quickly

Minionbums · 08/11/2019 08:10

You haven’t mentioned her husband much. Is he the dad of the one who inherited? What is he saying about it all? He’s the one who should have shut her down.

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