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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
Whatsername7 · 31/10/2019 19:08

I would ask her to formally contest the will. She hasn't got a leg to stand on. The will was followed, the cousin who inherited sold his inheritance and gave his family members cash gifts. She will not get anywhere and will hopefully incur legal costs of her own. She has never met the gf, she has no grounds to contest that the house should have been sold and the proceeds split between 6 gc because the gf didnt have 6 gc. He had 4. If anyone folds and gives money to this crazy bitch they are as mad as she is. She can rant all she wants, there is no way she can win this, not ever.

krustykittens · 31/10/2019 19:10

Her DH didn't inherit from his father because his father chose to leave the money to someone else. He can feel aggrieved all he likes, it makes no never mind to anyone else. Perhaps he should have stepped up and cared for his father? Either way, this is the most deluded, outrageous demand I have ever heard of and I think this woman should be crowned Mumsnet's CF of the 2019. OP, your MIL should put this woman out of her mind and not worry about keeping the peace. That ship has sailed, there will be no appeasing this woman. She is out for everything she can gouge out of your family and doesn't give a shit who she upsets.

Witchinaditch · 31/10/2019 19:11

Well it doesn’t really matter what she wants the will has been executed. She can want till she’s blue in the face she has no league leg t stand on so she needs to get over it.

I also want to win the lottery if the lottery people could make that happen that would be great, thanks.

bobsyourauntie · 31/10/2019 19:11

This woman is batshit and the family need to stand against her. There isn't even a need to discuss it, as it had nothing to do with her and still doesn't. If all the family agree that they will just stonewall her, then maybe she will give up. Obviously her DH should be telling her straight that its not going to happen but a lot of men won't go against their wife.

You haven't answered the point about the generations, if the grandfather left the money to one grandson, how many DC did the GF have? Was it just FIL and his brother?

AhNowTed · 31/10/2019 19:12

Ridiculous carry on. She's mad!

supersop60 · 31/10/2019 19:13

315 votes - all YANBU.
She has absolutely no legal rights here. Let her try and see what happens.
Everyone in the family - just say NO.

HollowTalk · 31/10/2019 19:15

My in laws new sister in law then waltzes in after the GF died, and 6 years after the whole affair wants the will redistributed, plus everything us, the 4 couples invested in our mortgages, to send her dc to a private school. Neither her nor her dc ever met the GF.

This is why I thought I must have misunderstood who she was! Is she crazy? Let her see a solicitor. All of you should just sit tight and let her waste her money.

SaveKevin · 31/10/2019 19:18

This is fucking laughable. Tell her to lawyer up and get her to waste money on letters to you all.

As a previous poster says do check on the kindly cousin who cares for and shared the will.

Your poor mil.

BestestBrownies · 31/10/2019 19:19

She must be a damn good fuck for her DP not to see or care what a nasty, grabby cow she is!

Drum2018 · 31/10/2019 19:20

Time to go NC with this crazy bat as suggested by pp. Everyone in the family needs to shut down any conversation she starts about it. The words fuck off will come in handy.

mantlepiece · 31/10/2019 19:20

Well yes the lady is batshit, crazy and probably a lot of other things.

No she has not got a leg to stand on.

However, I understand the MIL will be very upset about the family upset whatever the rights or wrongs. Yes, the FIL is right to take the stand he has, but that doesn’t alter the fact that MIL faces the possibility of not seeing her son if the new wife digs her heels in.

I do think this woman will make trouble about other things as well, this Is probably just the start!

LoveNote · 31/10/2019 19:21

how has this all come to light?? did she come out with this in person to someone? or over whatsapp or something?

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 19:24

@mantlepiece

No, it's not her son it's her brother in law.

The grandchildren split the inheritance

The uncle didn't inherit a penny

His new wife wants compensation for her children, who are not related to the dead Grandfather and never met him

NakedAndAfraid · 31/10/2019 19:24

Sorry.. CF? From the title 🙈

HighNetGirth · 31/10/2019 19:25

Reminds me of the OW in my extended family who kicked off when her MIL didn’t leave her any of MIL’s jewellery. The MIL she was horrid to for years. Bizarre levels of expectation!

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 19:26

Just to make clear, DGF only had two sons, DH's uncle is the father of the cousin who got the inheritance.

His wife's DC were from two of her previous relationships. He had no issues with the manner in which he inheritance
was ultimately divided.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 31/10/2019 19:27

This one really does call for a Daily Mail sad face (the woman complaining, I mean) - I can only imagine the comments Grin

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 19:31

LOL so she is essentially fuming at her stepsons good fortune which he earned through caring responsibilities and wants to literally time travel & change the past so his father got the money?

Yeah, good luck with that

XXcstatic · 31/10/2019 19:31

Just to make clear, DGF only had two sons, DH's uncle is the father of the cousin who got the inheritance

Oh well, in that case she is just out and out bonkers.

Nanny0gg · 31/10/2019 19:31

So everyone should put a clause in their wills saying that money has to be kept aside in case any of their children divorce and the new spouse/s wants money for their original children?

Okay then.

Shouldhavedoneitsooner · 31/10/2019 19:32

In that case she is totally bonkers and best ignored! I hope the cousin is ok. He did something lovely and now has an evil stepmum

Cloverbeauty · 31/10/2019 19:33

I would just make fun of her insanity.

Like when at a meal altogether, once you've all finished, say to her 'oh hang on shall we all regurgitate that and share it with you?'

Or ask her if she wants a share in all of the Christmas and birthday presents given to everyone over the years since she's missed out.

Just make a joke out of her. She's made it clear she thinks nothing of any of you, and she's not bothered by hurting anyone. She's a joke of a woman. Don't let your family fall out because of her.

TheresWaldo · 31/10/2019 19:33

People go quite mad about inheritance. We were contacted by one of those heir hunter firms as my grandmother's cousin died without a will. When we got down to it, us cousins were entitled to 1/80th of her estate and there was little evidence she was a multi-millionaire or owt. A couple of them stormed off the whatsup group we had to discuss which company to work with when the lack of huge sums was mentioned, as we were being "negative" Grin Haven't heard anything back yet, but i'd be surprised if the heir hunter made back her cost in postage from the commission.

holidayhelpp · 31/10/2019 19:33

This is utterly bizarre. If I were any of you I’d literally ignore her.

billy1966 · 31/10/2019 19:34

If she finds someone to take her case,
the legal bills might soften her cough though.
Silly woman.