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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
Daddystilllost · 31/10/2019 20:22

@MrOnionsBumperRoller clodhoppingly thick fuck

Love this! Will be adopting this expression

Walnutwhipster · 31/10/2019 20:24

I'd tell her to fuck off and waste her money seeing how far she gets with a solicitor. I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that appointment. CF of the highest order.

Frank77 · 31/10/2019 20:26

This is so bizarre and makes absolutely no sense!

I’m wondering if she’s knowingly being so outrageous and cheeky so that she alienates her OH from his family? I.e his family rightfully calls her out, he defends her and ends up falling out with everyone?

She’d have to be pretty sure he’s under her thumb for that to work though!

Otherwise she’s a CF of the very highest order and thick to boot.

Frouby · 31/10/2019 20:28

Ask her if she has ever had a bonus, a win, a divorce settlement. Ask her what her salary is then ask if that's being split 4 ways as well cos sharings caring in families isnt it?

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 31/10/2019 20:37

@Whiskers14
Thank god for your post! I was so confused trying to work this one out! 🤦‍♀️ I get it now!

The CF thinks that her husband (the son of the deceased) should have received some of the inheritance instead the grandson split the house between the grandkids of the deceased? (Which was very nice of him!)

Cloverbeauty · 31/10/2019 20:37

Ooh I know, tell the cheeky cow that you will all give her what is leftover from the money that you guys saved.

Then hand over £1 each. Tell her to use it wisely on her kids education.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 31/10/2019 20:42

And this children is what happens when you marry the OW. I wouldn’t be able to resist suggesting that she should have found a richer man to have an affair with.

Whiskers14 · 31/10/2019 20:47

posteritwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted It took me a while to work it out! 😂

Poppinjay · 31/10/2019 20:56

If she was around as an OW for a while, is it possible that the children were fathered by the uncle and therefore are the DGC of the deceased?

StCharlotte · 31/10/2019 20:58

I was going to ask for a diagram!

I work in probate. This doesn't surprise me.

MrsToothyBitch · 31/10/2019 21:00

She's batshit and greedy to boot. You also only mention the house in your OP, DrVonPatak. If the late DGF also left some cash, presumably his son- DUnc got some? Therefore this silly woman really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Maybbabi · 31/10/2019 21:01

Your poor MIL. Her SIL is crazy. Your DH’s cousin was the sole beneficiary. He decided to gift his sister and two cousins each a quarter of what he inherited. End of story. It was his asset/money to do as he wished. This lady has no claim over it, nor is it the family’s money to be shared equally.

She’s essentially asking for a handout. If you can’t afford private school, send them to a state school. Simples. The whole situation is so ridiculous it’s almost hilarious.

MiddleClassProblem · 31/10/2019 21:02

If she was around as an OW for a while, is it possible that the children were fathered by the uncle and therefore are the DGC of the deceased?

I’m not sure how this would make a difference if everything was left to one cousin who then in turn decided to split it.

If another grandchild was born after a grandparent died and the will had be split, they wouldn’t have any claim either, would they?

I have no idea but I know she can’t/shouldn’t get her mitts on it

Poppinjay · 31/10/2019 21:06

I’m not sure how this would make a difference if everything was left to one cousin who then in turn decided to split it.

It wouldn't mean she has any more right to the money but it might explain why she feels so strongly that her DC have a right to benefit from the legacy.

Even if they are, she's still a CF.

Babybel90 · 31/10/2019 21:08

I’d tell her to take legal advice but these CFs never listen and twist the solicitors words because they never believe they’re in the wrong.

Ignore, the money’s been spent and once it’s gone it’s gone.

Cornishclio · 31/10/2019 21:09

This woman does not have a leg to stand on legally. She, nor her DC had anything to do with the GF or supposedly the BIL although even if they were in a relationship at the time it would not have mattered. The cousin was left the house (quite rightly if he did the bulk of the caring) and even though he could have kept it himself he split it between his sister and cousins so all DGC got a quarter share. Presumably your PIL and the BIL were ok about this at the time?

Regardless of the reasons why she thinks the money should be resplit to include her DC there is absolutely no legal reason why this should be the case and your MIL and FIL would do well to either distance themselves from his DB as apparently his own DC have already done or just refuse to get involved as it is something which is done and dusted 6 years ago. She would be laughed out of court.

I am not sure why your MIL is so worried about it though. Sounds like a rift between the entitled CF and BIL would be in everyones interests.

Lucifer666 · 31/10/2019 21:20

Wow this is not only Cheeky Fuckery of the highest order but absolutely batshit crazy!
This woman should be awarded Cheeky Fucker of the year 2019!

OP if she won't let it drop, which I don't think she will if she's demanded this tell her to fuck off! Your poor MiL no wonder she's upset family dramas as the worst use this to go NC/LC cos as the sahing goes "out of sight out of mind"

Butterymuffin · 31/10/2019 21:25

Five words: 'See you in court, bitch'. Then not another word to her, ever.

Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 21:25

Fuck my old boots!

She doesn't have a leg to stand on (I'm not mocking the afflicted, honest).

user1486131602 · 31/10/2019 21:39

Move the family Christmas somewhere else this year, with MIL help!
Whole family send ONE card to said nutter explaining that the costs of the lawyers for her requested split of an already settled estate can only allow for one postage stamp. And no Christmas 8nvite or presents...all sign it and send. See what she says to that!
Or :
Could you all club together and buy her a ticket to timbucktu....one way?

ExcitedForFuture · 31/10/2019 21:40

I don't think I've ever heard of anything more ludicrous in my life!!!

bananaskinsnomnom · 31/10/2019 21:49

Rally round the MiL - she obviously needs reassurance in this whole situation.

Are you all physically near each other? Gather up as many of you as possible (not OW and the husband with no backbone) one evening and make sure that all of you know the situation, all of you are ready to stand your ground and you all know that the answer is no and she can try Court if she wants but it’s not happening. MIL knows you are all still there for her and each other.

Then confront the husband together and lay it flat to him and tell him bluntly that he needs to stand up with his family. Sure, it may well be a big fall out. But only one (or two) are at fault for this.

Mulhollandmagoo · 31/10/2019 21:49

as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too

The will was followed, the house was left to your husband's cousin! It was then his cousin who decided to sell up and divvy out the profit! So not only is she being disgustingly cheeky, she's also being plain stupid!! I think a united front is required here from you all as a family to shimmy this woman back into her place, which to be fair doesn't sound like a problem as you all sound really tight knit, don't allow this woman to ruin that!!

It's not fair that your PIL are having to deal with this now as it will be hauling up the horrible memories of the time your FIL's father passed!

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 31/10/2019 21:58

How dare she? Who the hell is she to dictate? I would be telling her to do one from the family as a whole.Do not put up with it OP..get on that war path and tell her whats what.

BluePheasant · 31/10/2019 22:03

That is outstanding cheeky fuckery. As others have said ignore, ignore, ignore. It's not even worth getting into a discussion with her about. "No CF, that won't be happening" is all that needs to be said.

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