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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Speechless CF

187 replies

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 17:59

Warning, this will be long, as I don't want to drip feed.

Took MIL (a VERY sensible and kind person) for Halloween sweets top-up and had a cup of coffee as she seemed unusually out of sorts. I knew something was going on, as she didn't say anything about Christmas yet and usually she's majorly in Polar Express mode by now, but I thought I'll let her come out with it herself.

Turns out her SIL, FIL's brother's second wife is throwing tantrums about the will of FIL's father, who died in 2013. The story goes: he had dementia for quite some time and was mostly cared for by my DH's cousin and his wife and the cousin was the apple of the old gentleman's eye, first grandson etc. Everyone pitched in, of course, but the general consensus was that the pair took the brunt of it. When the grandfather passed away, he left the house to the pair, which nobody had any objection to.

To cousin's credit, he and his wife decided to sell the house and split the proceedings four ways between the 4 cousins. After all the taxes and expenses, it was just about enough for a 4 deposits for very modest help to buys up north, one of which was later sold for a move to Australia. Of course, everyone was very grateful.

Just after the funeral, the aunt and uncle announced the divorce. At the time nobody knew, but there was an OW around. There was some dust blown up about it, but as I met DH shortly afterwards, I wasn't much acquainted with the details.

Fast forward 6 years and the uncle and the stepaunt live with her 2 children, older of which is about to start secondary school next year. Apparently, now she wants all the inheritance pulled back together and split 6 ways so her DC can go to a private school. This is despite the local secondary being one of the best in the region. PILs tried to explain that even 6 years ago the amount split 4 ways would maybe be enough for one year in the nearby mediocre private school and that the DC are better off in the state one anyhow. But no, she wants the inheritance PLUS our paid mortgages split 6 ways.

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

This is despite the cousin having 3 young dc himself now, his sister having bought a house in Australia with it, BIL and his wife expecting their first in spring and DH and myself facing paying for private IVF soon, once his leukaemia doctor gives the green light.

Nope, she's having none of the reasonings, her DH is stuck between the rock and the hard place and MIL is in a state over the rift in the family (this alone would be enough to send me on a warpath). I keep telling her that her SIL hasn't a leg to stand on as the DC weren't his DGC, but she's quite upset about it all, quite understandably so.

Sorry, I know this wasn't strictly an AIBU, but I needed to vent. I'm outraged. How can people be so thoughtless???

OP posts:
bpirockin · 31/10/2019 18:50

Jeez, even if she was with the generous cousin after the event, she'd still be out of order, let alone the Uncle. Her children have absolutely no right to inherit a dime from someone they are unrelated to. Money-grabbing nasty bint. I hope that the rest of the family get together and tell her where she can shove her ridiculous 'demands'.

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 18:50

It is a bit confusing @HollowTalk

I understand it as the OP's FIL being one of 4 cousins, one of the cousins is his brother.

One cousin inherited their grandfathers estate and split it 4 ways, it was then spent

The woman who thinks she has a claim to this money, is OP's PILs new sister in law, who has two DC who aren't FILs brothers children but apparently deserve a private education courtesy of his late grandfathers defunct estate.

Have I got that correct @DrVonPatak ?

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:51

@Shouldhavedoneitsooner

The will was specifically left to the grandson as he was the carer to GF for most of his adult life. Nobody thought anything of it then, ie neither of the sons thought it was anything less than fair. The grandson, DHs cousin then decided to share his inheritance with his sister an his 2 cousins, if it makes sense?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/10/2019 18:51

I had to read that twice because her demands made so little sense that I thought it must be me ... but no, they really don't make any sense

Another vote here for encouraging her to take it to a solicitor; it'll make an entertaining story when they all get together at dinners, etc.

Queenoftheashes · 31/10/2019 18:52

Yanbu obviously

That said I’m being thick and having trouble visualising the family tree and route of inheritance. Any chance of a diagram?

VanyaHargreeves · 31/10/2019 18:53

Oh no, I've got it wrong,

The grandfather was FILs father and the money was split between the OPs DH and his cousins.

The SIL is the second wife of the OP's DH's uncle

AcrossthePond55 · 31/10/2019 18:53

As my own lovely late MiL used to say; "Want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets filled first". Obvs she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on.

Wait....are you saying that this woman wasn't even married to FiL's brother at the time of the death? That's double bonkers!

As far as the rift in the family, SiL caused it and I don't blame FiL one iota for refusing to have that woman in his house. MiL will just have to get used to it as her DH is right in banning her from his house. Whether or not he chooses to issue an invite to his brother (solo) is up to him.

DrVonPatak · 31/10/2019 18:53

My in laws new sister in law then waltzes in after the GF died, and 6 years after the whole affair wants the will redistributed, plus everything us, the 4 couples invested in our mortgages, to send her dc to a private school. Neither her nor her dc ever met the GF.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 18:54

PIL, normally a very calm and sensible man, threw a fit and declared he's not having them under his roof until she comes to her senses. She had the brass neck to suggest that, as the will wasn't followed to the letter, her DC should have their share too.

That is quite appalling! The woman is a gold digger. Don't let her get her hands on anything and encourage PIL to.......LTB. Poor soul.

Abouttoblow · 31/10/2019 18:54

Did the DH of the crazy one have children who inherited?

TooSweetToBeSour · 31/10/2019 18:55

The uncle/FILs brother needs to bring her into line. This is his problem to sort out, and he’s the only one who should feel any responsibility for causing a rift. He needs to grow up and tell his new wife to pipe down or fuck off

AlternativePerspective · 31/10/2019 18:57

Did the DH of the crazy one have children who inherited? o I really hope so, that would just rub it in even more when the SIL thinks about her batshit requests... Grin.

Shouldhavedoneitsooner · 31/10/2019 18:58

Is the cousin the uncle’s son?
I’m not thinking she has is right in any way by the way -just trying to understand how she could possibly come to thinking that this might be fair. The cousin did a very nice thing but if one of the grandfather’s children didn’t get anything when the others’ did through their kids, I can see a little warped logic. However, children unrelated and not known to the grandfather have absolutely nothing to do with the family situation.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 31/10/2019 18:59

Perfect scenario to go NC/LC with here and every conversation with her should just be "Take this to court"
Let her spent her money on legal fees

1Morewineplease · 31/10/2019 18:59

If she feels so strongly then she could consult a solicitor and see what he/she says. I’m not a legal eagle but I expect that they’d show her the door.

Pepperpot99 · 31/10/2019 19:01

Everyone ought to laugh very loudly in her face and say "haha, that's a good one, imagine asking for money from people you never even knew!!" then keep on chuckling.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 31/10/2019 19:02

Around here (reasonably 'up north' ) solicitors fees are £250 per hour for this sort of thing. Let the clodhoppingly thick fuck drop a few thousand on this and sit back and smirk. And as for MIL, this greedy trollop is the yang to your ying of Lovely DILlyness, life gives with one hand while taking with the other.

Apackoflips · 31/10/2019 19:02

Ridiculous.But I have heard a similar story where the not entitled one relentlessly bullied the main inheritor so much so that the MI paid her own inheritance to them to keep the peace.
I try not to think about that too much as even though I dont know them too well it makes my blood boil.
Can the family not insist that SIL contacts them only via a solicitor? And not engage with her or her DH until this has been resolved?

HuggedTrees · 31/10/2019 19:02

She such a cheeky cow that if she causes a family rift and you never see her again is that such a bad thing?

XXcstatic · 31/10/2019 19:03

Obviously I agree with PPs about the CF-ery of the SIL.

But... looking at this from the POV of her husband, am I right in thinking that none of the cousins who eventually split the inheritance, thanks to the kindness of Cousin 1 (the carer) were his children? If that is right, I imagine he may feel aggrieved that his father's inheritance was split between his father's grandchildren, but nothing went to his family because he had no children. Of course, he hasn't got any right to the money but it is emotionally very difficult to be excluded from a parent's will, even for a good reason.

NB I am NOT defending the CFuckery. But I wonder whether the cray-cray SIL is actually expressing the views of her DH, who is still hurt that he didn't inherit from his father.

QuarterMileAtATime · 31/10/2019 19:04

Crazy this would even occur to her as a suggestion. She clearly thinks her husband should have benefited from his father’s will, so is trying to find a way to make that happen.
I see 100% YANBU on mine!

SoupDragon · 31/10/2019 19:05

I can see why you're speechless. It's unbelievable that someone would think their children deserve money from someone they never met and aren't related to! Where do these people get their ideas from??

QuarterMileAtATime · 31/10/2019 19:07

Cross-posted with Xxcstatic Smile

SoupDragon · 31/10/2019 19:07

I imagine he may feel aggrieved that his father's inheritance was split between his father's grandchildren, but nothing went to his family because he had no children

Except the OP says everyone was happy that the person who bore the brunt of the care got the house. The money from that was never going to him.

makingmammaries · 31/10/2019 19:08

I want the mansion that the Soviets expropriated from my DH’s grandmother, too. Not that I ever knew the lady. But realistically... come on. This is not a ‘rift’ in the family, OP, because there can be nobody on her side except her spineless DH. That couple will just have to be left out in the cold until they come to their senses.