Ex wants kids all Xmas

[VivienScott]

Traditionally we have split xmas day, it’s always worked well. This year Ex’s MIL has found out she has cancer and wants a family Xmas. My ex wants to spend Xmas there with his new wife their kids together (the other woman in our relationship) and take our children from 23 dec to 27th, so all of Xmas. It’s over 400 miles away so no chance of splitting it.
I don’t want to not see my kids over Xmas and be without them. I know his mil is very ill, and his wife is upset, but it’s not my children’s family, kids don’t really want to go as they are made to feel very much like the step children compared to new wife’s kids within her family and my dad is also unwell.
I also don’t think he’d do the same for me if I’m being honest. AIBU to say, it’s not our children’s family, it’s yours, so no?

YAnbu

Also, if mil is very ill, it’s hardly likely to make for a jolly Xmas for your dcs.

YANBU!! The MIL doesn't even sound as though she wants them there, it's the ex who wants his kids there. No way does this trump them seeing their own mum and family over Christmas.

Your dc are old enough to decide where they want to be for Christmas and, for the reasons you've cited, they don't want to spend it with their df. End. Of.

Your ex can see his dc either before he goes to his Mil's house or after. Why not suggest he organises a special New Year's Eve or Day with them where his dc with the ow his new wife are not included or spend minimal time taking his attention from your dc.

OP sounds like you are lucky to have escaped your ex h, he sounds so selfish.

I’d be saying no too. Why should the kids go against their will to a house that they aren’t really welcome aside from doing childcare. Horrible

Oh god no! If it was their actual grandparents then yes, but not hers. How selfish.

Also don't know how long they have been together? And don't mean at all to make this sound mean. But would the MIL even want your kids there? If I was poorly I'd only want people I have known for a long time and trusted.

Hope you manage to sort this out x

Just no 🤷🏻‍♀️

Glad you’ve told him no

Excellent result, op, well done.

Well done saying no. Why should you give up seeing your kids over Xmas so they can travel hundreds of miles to see a family that aren’t theirs. It makes no sense and is purely selfish. Why on earth would somebody put their kids in that position. She’s dying and that’s sad but it’s not your kids problem. They’ll be in a stressful and anxious environment. I’d say it’s a safety issue. You are concerned for their mental wellbeing being placed in that environment. I wouldn’t be happy with my kids going into that. There’s likely to be lots of crying and upset and sadness. Your duty as their mother is to protect their psychological well-being not give in to the unreasonable wants of a giant selfish man child. Stand your ground. Remember that no is a complete sentence.