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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

POLL.. To ask you if you'd tell your DH/DP, if you came into £5,000 (eg, lotto win/inheritance.)

111 replies

LavendarGreen · 30/10/2019 18:37

Just that really?

If you won £5,000 on a scratchcard or the lottery, or had an inheritance, would you keep it from your DH/DP, and squirrel it away?

OR would you let them know?

YANBU - NO I wouldn't tell them, I would keep it to myself that I had got the money..

YABU - YES I'd tell them.

Just curious, as it was a conversation I had with some friends earlier today......

If you WOULDN'T tell them, please can you say why.... Also, if you don't intend to tell them, what would you do with the money?

Just curious.

Thanks all Smile

OP posts:
Xenia · 30/10/2019 18:40

It depends on your family. fcor us as we have a fairly high income it would not have been something big _ have earned that from various one offs over the years - some mumsnetters joined the women who earn £1000 a day thread I was on a while back.

For others £5k may be a big sum and life changing. Even then is it really a good idea to hide something from a partner? We both always had joint accounts, I did both our tax returns etc. Also for those on benefits don't you have to know what savings the family has?

if people divorce then all this money goes in the pot anyway and you can be jailed for contempt if you lie so generally not at all wise to hide stuff at that stage due to legal obligations to disclose everything.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 30/10/2019 18:40

I‘d tell DP. We‘d spend some and save some. But I know a relative of mine won big on the horses once and didn’t tell her husband. He generally handled the household finances In a sensible but unimaginative way and she welcomed the chance to do a little frivolous spending now and then.

CAG12 · 30/10/2019 18:41

Surely it entirely depends on the relationship dynamics you have with your other half?

Original poster
LavendarGreen · 30/10/2019 18:41

I am sure I selected 'enable voting.'

Don't know why it didn't come up. Sad

OP posts:
Fastandfree · 30/10/2019 18:42

Yes definitely. I'd put 4k into our savings, we'd have a lovely meal out and then the rest would top up the joint account.

Chottie · 30/10/2019 18:42

Yes of course, any money coming into our household is family money. :)

peachgreen · 30/10/2019 18:43

Yes of course. And we'd decide what to do with it together as it would be family money.

Chloe84 · 30/10/2019 18:43

YANBU. A woman should always have some savings that no one else knows about. This advice has served well for many women.

Shayisgreat · 30/10/2019 18:44

I'd be delighted and he'd be the first person I'd want to tell.

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 18:44

How would you feel if the situation were reversed and the dh his £5k from his wife?

bluebeck · 30/10/2019 18:44

God no I wouldn't tell them.

I am old enough and wise enough to know it needed to go into my "secret emergency fund" Wink

PumpkinPieAlibi · 30/10/2019 18:46

I don't understand this.

The people who condone keeping it a secret are also the ones who would be livid if a man did the same.

Why the double standard on here?

shouldhavecalleditoatabix · 30/10/2019 18:47

I'd tell DP about it and he'd be very pleased for me. Then wouldn't ask for or expect a penny. I would use it to pay off a loan and perhaps put some in our savings. He wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Original poster
LavendarGreen · 30/10/2019 18:47

OOOH! the poll is showing now.

As you were. Smile

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 30/10/2019 18:49

Why would you NOT? Hmm How odd!

fussychica · 30/10/2019 18:50

All our money is shared so we would both know about any influx of cash and it would go into topping up the pot. If we decided to spend it that would be a joint decision too.

TeenPlusTwenties · 30/10/2019 18:50

Absolutely I'd tell.
DH and I tell each other when we win £25 on the premium bonds.

Mrsbclinton · 30/10/2019 18:54

Yes of course I would. He would be the first person I would tell.

All our finances are joint and I would imagine we we use it for a family holiday or something for the house.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 30/10/2019 18:55

I'd be delighted and he'd be the first person I'd want to tell.
Same. I'd feel sad if my first thought was "I'll hide this and spend it all on myself"

bluebeck · 30/10/2019 18:55

The people who condone keeping it a secret are also the ones who would be livid if a man did the same.

or the people condoning it have seen far too many instances of men doing this kind of shit and being left with sod all when the man fucks off with someone else.......

Have a look at the relationships board and then come back and say you don't think a Secret Emergency Fund is a good idea for most women.................

MsAwesomeDragon · 30/10/2019 18:56

Yes I'd tell him. It would go into my savings, but I'd tell him about it. My savings are waiting for dd2 to start having showers instead of baths, then we're having the bathroom done. An extra £5000 would go a long way towards that.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 30/10/2019 18:57

Yes I would. But then I'm in healthy, trusting relationship.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 30/10/2019 19:03

I wouldnt tell...but I would squirrel it away for a rainy day should we all as a family need it .

Original poster
LavendarGreen · 30/10/2019 19:16

Thanks folks!!! Grin

OP posts:
mamandematribu · 30/10/2019 19:16

I would tell because she has always been generous with the family plus that would be a welcome amount of money at a tough time.