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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

POLL.. To ask you if you'd tell your DH/DP, if you came into £5,000 (eg, lotto win/inheritance.)

111 replies

LavendarGreen · 30/10/2019 18:37

Just that really?

If you won £5,000 on a scratchcard or the lottery, or had an inheritance, would you keep it from your DH/DP, and squirrel it away?

OR would you let them know?

YANBU - NO I wouldn't tell them, I would keep it to myself that I had got the money..

YABU - YES I'd tell them.

Just curious, as it was a conversation I had with some friends earlier today......

If you WOULDN'T tell them, please can you say why.... Also, if you don't intend to tell them, what would you do with the money?

Just curious.

Thanks all Smile

OP posts:
underground76 · 30/10/2019 20:33

I'd tell him about it. I earn less than he does and contribute less to the household finances and it's almost always him who pays for things like weekends away etc, so I'd absolutely LOVE being able to say 'Guess what, sweetheart? I've got five grand knocking around. What shall we do with it?'

AmIAWeed · 30/10/2019 20:34

I'd tell my husband but it would go to paying off my credit cards.
We keep our money separate but we're both aiming to clear all debt ahead of remortgaging in 2 years and were planning a big extension so whilst it goes on my debt it's towards our overall dream home

Wakeupalready · 30/10/2019 20:40

Yes. DH would be the first person I told.

AliceLittle · 30/10/2019 20:40

DH has no idea about our finances and doesn't want to know so it wouldn't matter if I did or didn't tell him.

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 20:42

Are you happy with that Alice?

BlueChangeling · 30/10/2019 20:43

£500 each to spend on what we wanted. £1000 on a holiday. £3000 in savings.

Soppy as it sounds he's my best friend and the first person I'd want to tell.

Winter2019 · 30/10/2019 20:44

I'd definitely tell and expect him to do the same if he won :)

PurpleDaisies · 30/10/2019 20:47

I just can’t imagine how anyone in a happy relationship thinks “I’d better not tell dh, how can I hide it from him?”

MovinOnUp · 30/10/2019 20:48

If it had happened when I was with the ex, No way would I have told him. The dickhead would have spent it all on booze.

I'd tell my boyfriend though.

OhTheRoses · 30/10/2019 20:51

Yes I'd tell him but as we have separate finances mostly and he has never questioned a penny I've ever spent, nor me him it would be a non issue. Just as he doesn't need to know the detail of what gets spent in Sainsbury or a frock shop and I don't need to know the detail vis some silly golf club purchase.

thecatsthecats · 30/10/2019 20:54

I'd tell him, treat the two of us to our next holiday with about £1000, and would use the rest to bolster my fuck off from work fund, which my husband would totally be on board with.

I wouldn't have married someone I didn't share financial values with.

AliceLittle · 30/10/2019 20:57

@purpledaisies absolutely. There is full transparency - we both know how much each other earns but he is self confessed useless with money. So I budget and give him updates where we are every now and again but all he wants to know is if we're good.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 30/10/2019 21:00

I can't imagine keeping a win that big a secret from DH, why would you not tell your partner?
I'd hate it the other way round if he did that to me, it should work both ways!

TFthatsover · 30/10/2019 21:16

When I had an unexpected windfall recently, DH was the first and only person I told, he was in the shower at the time and I burst in on him in tears. Frightened the life out of him. We've cleared both our credit card balances and have small savings for the first time ever. Can't imagine keeping that from him and if he found out I had, he'd be so upset and hurt.

SerenDippitty · 30/10/2019 21:34

Yes and he would tell me.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 31/10/2019 03:55

Husband yes. Partner no. That simple.

DeeCeeCherry · 31/10/2019 04:22

I wouldn't tell DP. I love him, we are OK financially but I'm not of the mind that you have to discuss money with a man unless essential. We pool money on lots of things albeit we don't live together. £5000 is hardly a life changing sum in this day and age, is it. I'd treat myself, DP & DCs with some of it. That's all.

Shoxfordian · 31/10/2019 05:29

I'd tell my husband and we would probably spend most of it on a holiday. I think if you wouldn't tell him then that indicates a problem or at least an incompatibility in the relationship

LadyLanka · 31/10/2019 07:18

Had a similar situation many years ago, but not a "win". My father retired and wanted to give my brother and me a sum of money equivalent to what he had spent on our sister's wedding. He told us when my then boyfriend was present, so he knew.
On thinking hard about what to do with the money (I do not live in the UK) I decided that it would just disappear into the black hole that was my overdraft at the time, so I asked by father to use it to buy me premium bonds.
Then boyfriend was "unhappy" about my decision - not that it was any of his business - as he had already spent it, in his imagination. However, I pointed out that it was a) my money, b) my decision on what to do with it and c) was intended to fund a wedding at some point (not necessarily to him) and therefore not to be frittered away!
Had the scenario been with my husband we would have discussed what to do with it and he certainly would not have "appropriated" the cash, even in his imagination!
Were a similar scenario to happen today, I would not tell my now boyfriend.

Ragwort · 31/10/2019 07:25

Yes I would and we would agree, together, how to spend it. Boringly we would probably put it into our retirement fund. But if I wanted to spend it on a piece of jewellery for example, my DH would never try to 'stop' me, it's just that we have very similar (frugal) spending habits.
My DH did have an inheritance from his side of the family recently & he put quite a chunk into my pension pot, he bought some new golf clubs for himself rest went into savings. (Dull).

Moreisnnogedag · 31/10/2019 19:27

Actually My DH has a similar attitude to as @AliceLittle partner - when I told him about my pay increment he asked whether it was good or bad as he had no idea as to the details of my pay. I just fill him in every now and then, set a budget, and sort things as need be. He is completely happy to either rein it in or splurge a little depending on what I tell him the budget is like. It turns out I could very easily hide money from him!

TryingAndFailing39 · 01/11/2019 14:27

I’d probably not tell him and book a family holiday and surprise everyone 😊 I’ve secretly saved up and done that and would love to be able to do it again.

SoyDora · 01/11/2019 14:35

Of course I would, just as he would (and has) told me when he’s come into similar amounts of money.
But then I already have a personal savings account (with his knowledge and blessing) that he can’t access.

coffeeandpyjamas · 01/11/2019 14:39

I wouldn’t tell. My DH is terrible with money and if he knew it would just get frittered away. I’d pay off my credit card and save the rest then carry on as normal.

Gillian1980 · 01/11/2019 14:42

Definitely.
It would be family money and we’d decide together how to use it.
FWIW £5k would be a huge amount to us.