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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with this gift

156 replies

FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 16:51

DH has been away for the best part of a week. Technically a work trip, but was being hosted on a jolly.

On the way out he messaged from the airport to ask if I wanted anything from duty free. I said no thanks, then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything as we have just bought a house and are a bit broke at the moment.

He’s just returned, and got the kids to throw a bag at me - my present of some perfume from duty free. I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this. I still have an unopened perfume that he gave me a year ago, now I have two.

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there. Not a flashy afterthought from the airport on the way back. It’s like he didn’t put any effort at all into finding something I might like, but threw money at something at the very end. I honestly would rather have had nothing.

So AIBU for really not wanting this gift? U is for ungrateful.

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 29/10/2019 17:05

Nope, you're not ungrateful.
My (ex) h went to Belgium and bought me a sat Nav that I didn't want!! I pointed out that I'd have preferred a box of chocolates, some waffles or a diamond more than a fucking sat Nav!!
Sell it on eBay and spend the money on something you want.

underground76 · 29/10/2019 17:20

I think you are being a bit ungrateful, to be honest. It was a work trip, and he wouldn't have had tons of time to browse local shops for something unique and special. If you really don't want the perfume, eBay it unopened.

BeanBag7 · 29/10/2019 17:20

Would you be annoyed if he got you nothing?
If not, I dont think you're being ungrateful. Can the perfume be refitted?

onanothertrain · 29/10/2019 17:21

YABU. You didn't want a present, he got you a present, now you're pissed off because it's not the present you wanted Hmm

Lovemenorca · 29/10/2019 17:23

OP, grow the hell up.

You said you didn’t wanna thrift. You sent a follow up confirming.

He gets you something, you don’t want it and the start whinging that he should have got you something thoughtful. Laughably ridiculous really

BlastEndedSkrewt · 29/10/2019 17:25

I think your being ungrateful - I usually get a show horn, shower cap & mini bottles of shampoo

EscapeTheCastle · 29/10/2019 17:25

Ebay it dude, get some cash for it. Ebay the other one as well. I sold perfume on there and it was snapped up.

GetUpAgain · 29/10/2019 17:27

Do you have joint finances? If so he is fucking useless as well as thoughtless. This would really piss me off.

If you don't have joint finances he is 'only' thoughtless imo.

SnorkMaiden81 · 29/10/2019 17:46

List them both on eBay, perfume sells really well and put the proceeds to something more useful

VenusTiger · 29/10/2019 17:51

You sound a bit childish OP.
And wear the god damn perfume, wearing the same one for years is a bit Hmm.
I have several, different scents for different moods, summer ones, daytime light scents and long wearing night time scents.
Maybe he’s trying to get you to try a different scent.... take a hint.

redexpat · 29/10/2019 18:29

Love languages! It sounds as if his is gift giving - so he shows love by giving any old gift rather than putting any thought into it. I second the suggestion to sell on ebay/fb.

ThatMuppetShow · 29/10/2019 18:35

YANBU

I don't change perfume - I always wear MY perfume, that and only that one. I change everything else, but not that. MY DH knows that.
I would be pretty annoyed if he was suddenly bringing back some random scent from the airport duty free.

ThatMuppetShow · 29/10/2019 18:36

I have several, different scents for different moods, summer ones, daytime light scents and long wearing night time scents.

and not everyone is the same, shocking isn't it.

blackteasplease · 29/10/2019 18:38

Regift! That's a Xmas pressie sorted.

tillytrotter1 · 29/10/2019 18:43

I got a Terry's chocolate oange for my 50th birthday, to add insult to injury it's something I loathe! He's not good at gifts, I once pointed out a book in Waterstones and said If you're buying me a book (we usually do) I don't want that one! Come 25th December, there it was, Oh I knew you'd mentioned it.
I got over it, in fact I was more amused than anything else, I don't let minor things get to me, life's too short.

Zebraaa · 29/10/2019 18:46

YABU. You sound like a spoilt brat.

LtJudyHopps · 29/10/2019 18:51

Even on a work jolly you don’t get time to go shopping for gifts! It is usually hotel > office > airport on repeat. Maybe throw in a restaurant or bar.
If you go out for a meal you go to a restaurant not a shopping centre!
YABU but I get the annoyance that he got something not wanted when asked not to.
Keep it to re-gift to someone at Christmas.

MitziK · 29/10/2019 18:58

It's better than

'Well, I tried once but the shop looked busy, so I didn't go in'.

A shit present is still a present.

Pharlapwasthebest · 29/10/2019 18:59

Yanbu, it was thoughtless, just an empty gesture.

Original poster
FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 19:00

I think it’s more that I explicitly asked him not to spend heaps of money at duty free given our recent (vast) outgoings. we have fully joint finances, albeit with separate spending money. All his duty free shopping was from joint though.

It just seems a waste of money for something that won’t get used, and he’ll be really offended if I regift or sell. He KNOWS I’m really low maintenance with cosmetics and things. I have my favorite products that I use all the time, and update as I find new ones I love.

There was also plenty of downtime on this trip, I saw the itinerary and there were a few half days of free time. He managed to bring the kids back a bunch of interesting toys and things.

I think the pp who said love languages may have hit the nail on the head.

And yes, I am fully aware that I sound like a spoiled brat. I hand on heart, genuinely would have been fine if I got nothing.

OP posts:
Postmanbear · 29/10/2019 19:00

YANBU it’s a complete waste of money

FriedasCarLoad · 29/10/2019 19:03

And wear the god damn perfume, wearing the same one for years is a bit Hmm

Some people have a signature scent (like OP). Nothing Hmm about that! Confused

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/10/2019 19:04

The seasonal my husband is a cheap thoughtless arsehole so you're ungrateful thread has arrived early. Just because you have the lowest possible expectations of your partners doesn't mean the OP has to.

Better no present than an expensive piece of unusable crap.

CSIblonde · 29/10/2019 19:10

It was a work trip, no time to gift shop. If you don't want the perfume it's one Xmas gift less to buy.

ddl1 · 29/10/2019 19:10

I don't think you're ungrateful not to like the gift. Or even to be a bit annoyed at his buying something just for the sake of buying it, after you'd explicitly asked him not to. However, I think you are rather U (unreasonable rather than ungrateful) to expect him to bring you something more interesting that you would have preferred, when you (again!) explicitly asked him not to get anything.