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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with this gift

156 replies

FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 16:51

DH has been away for the best part of a week. Technically a work trip, but was being hosted on a jolly.

On the way out he messaged from the airport to ask if I wanted anything from duty free. I said no thanks, then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything as we have just bought a house and are a bit broke at the moment.

He’s just returned, and got the kids to throw a bag at me - my present of some perfume from duty free. I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this. I still have an unopened perfume that he gave me a year ago, now I have two.

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there. Not a flashy afterthought from the airport on the way back. It’s like he didn’t put any effort at all into finding something I might like, but threw money at something at the very end. I honestly would rather have had nothing.

So AIBU for really not wanting this gift? U is for ungrateful.

OP posts:

lovelyjubilly · 30/10/2019 22:27

Yabu. My dh never buys me anything.

Witchwobbleknees · 30/10/2019 22:46

For somebody who's primary Love Language is giving "It’s less about the gift and more about the thought that comes from the gift which communicates emotional love." they take real care choosing wrapping and presenting gifts not grabbing something last minute from duty free.

Ellisandra · 30/10/2019 23:03

Why are you worried about offending him selling it on?
You didn’t want it.
You told him not to get it.
Fuck how he’ll feel - he didn’t care about your feelings.

chicken12 · 30/10/2019 23:20

get a grip

Lovely13 · 30/10/2019 23:54

But he bought thoughtful gifts for your kids. He sounds ok. And a random pres for you. Stop it.

Kiwiinkits · 31/10/2019 00:25

Yabu

luckylorca · 31/10/2019 02:58

Maybe he got your perfume confused with the one for his mistress?!

😁

(Sorry. Bad joke.) At least he got you something though. Maybe he’s bored of your old perfume?...

outherealone · 31/10/2019 03:02

You do sound spoilt tbf. Give the perfumes away with good grace to somebody who can’t afford decent proper perfume.

BlackCatSleeping · 31/10/2019 04:11

I would be pissed off at the wasted money too.

I’d definitely eBay it!

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/10/2019 04:47

You do sound spoilt tbf.

Spoilt? When her DH has used joint money to buy her something she asked him not to? That is a very odd definition of spoilt.

Monty27 · 31/10/2019 05:35

OP you should have tolD him you would have liked something from the country he's in. A painting or whatever. You can't diss what he brought you. Despite your protestations he wanted to get you a gift. It's perfume. That's nice

Rubyupbeat · 31/10/2019 05:59

Sell it and donate the money to a good cause, one that, receiving the wrong present is the least of their problems.
Can't get over the blinkered spoilt selfishness of our society.

itsmecathycomehome · 31/10/2019 05:59

I expect he listened when you said that you didn't want anything, but then felt guilty - or embarrassed in front of his colleagues - when he got to the airport, so panic-bought a fragrance he liked.

You could interpret this as him ignoring your request, choosing something generic and thoughtless, wasting money on something you don't want.

Or you could interpret it as him choosing thoughtful gifts for the kids in his free time, and then thinking 'sod it, it won't break the bank and I want to get her something because I've missed her...it's not her usual perfume but I've always hated that and this smells lovely.'

Honestly, life is short so why not see the positives in this? At the very least, you were on his mind as he bought it. £100 wont leave you destitute. There are worse things than wearing an unfamiliar perfume.

FaveNumberIs2 · 31/10/2019 06:25

Why is everyone jumping on the "joint money" thing? If both their wages go into a joint account and one wants to buy the other a gift, then where else is the money coming from? Would you be saying the same thing if it was op that had bought her oh a gift from the "joint money" pot?

All mine and my dh's wage money goes into a joint account, the only money that doesn't, is any birthday cheques from my dad, (for dh too) which go into a separate account so the money doesn't get swallowed by bills, but never in 25 years have either of us been pissed off with a gift bought from "joint" money. That's just absurd.

FaveNumberIs2 · 31/10/2019 06:28

@itsmecathycomehome and I totally agree with you.

It's getting rather hurtful to think that most Mumsnetters immediately jump on the bandwagon of "he's a twat, regift it, tell him he's useless" etc etc.

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/10/2019 07:04

Why is everyone jumping on the "joint money" thing? If both their wages go into a joint account and one wants to buy the other a gift, then where else is the money coming from?

It could come from the individual spending money the OP has already mentioned they have.

Guavaf1sh · 31/10/2019 07:19

You sound spoilt

FaveNumberIs2 · 31/10/2019 07:52

@BoomBoomsCousin I obviously missed that one.

Still think op is being a little ungrateful.

SmallSerpent · 31/10/2019 07:55

YABU, I wish my husband would buy me perfume. At least he bought you something, mine never gets me anything.

Cindefuckingrella · 31/10/2019 07:58

I’m with you OP, this would (and has) pissed me off too.

itsmecathycomehome · 31/10/2019 08:05

I can't imagine being pissed off by a gift.

Imagine if op had gone away on a work trip, bought her dh a gift (ok he had told her not to get anything and it wasn't his usual fragrance) and he'd told her he was pissed off and regifting it.

She'd be told he was an ingrate and not to bother getting him anything next time.

Everafter1 · 31/10/2019 08:06

then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there

This is a bit contradictory. It seems you wanted a gift, just not the one he got. You could've told him you would've loved something from the country he was visiting instead. Being pissed off is a bit unreasonable.

I agree, it's wasteful getting gifts you can't use but sounds like he was just trying to do something nice for you.

Snugglemonster84 · 31/10/2019 08:06

My husband does things like this

longestlurkerever · 31/10/2019 08:31

Fuck how he’ll feel - he didn’t care about your feelings.

I genuinely can't wrap my head around this as a response to a less than ideal gift.

ToftyAC · 31/10/2019 09:19

I can count on one hand the number of gifts my DP has given to me over the years. However, I’m totally with you on this one OP. I would also be a bit pissed off if I were in your position.

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