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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with this gift

156 replies

FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 16:51

DH has been away for the best part of a week. Technically a work trip, but was being hosted on a jolly.

On the way out he messaged from the airport to ask if I wanted anything from duty free. I said no thanks, then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything as we have just bought a house and are a bit broke at the moment.

He’s just returned, and got the kids to throw a bag at me - my present of some perfume from duty free. I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this. I still have an unopened perfume that he gave me a year ago, now I have two.

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there. Not a flashy afterthought from the airport on the way back. It’s like he didn’t put any effort at all into finding something I might like, but threw money at something at the very end. I honestly would rather have had nothing.

So AIBU for really not wanting this gift? U is for ungrateful.

OP posts:
MovinOnUp · 30/10/2019 20:07

If it was bought from the joint account, It's not really a gift is it?

MirkwoodMiss · 30/10/2019 20:08

No are most definitely NOT being unreasonable. You are both a bit skint after buying the house and he fritters money on perfume that you don't wear. Which could have gone toward something way more practical. To ask you and go ahead and do it anyway is just annoying. If anyone on here has ever had to struggle financially, they would feel the same.

VirginWoolf · 30/10/2019 20:08

Why does everyone need a gift every time someone goes away?

smemorata · 30/10/2019 20:11

Yanbu. I still have a bottle of unopened Chanel no5 that dh bought me in similar circumstances 3 years ago. My parting words when he set off were "please dont buy me anything but especially not perfume!!"

Sotoes · 30/10/2019 20:14

I'm surprised how many posters would be delighted to receive an unwanted gift paid for with money from their joint account. I would absolutely rather have nothing, just like the OP.

Aunaturalmama · 30/10/2019 20:26

Be thankful he got you a gift. Maybe he doesn’t like your perfume or is tired of smelling it and only it forever?
Are you maybe jealous he went on a fun work trip?

Carriemac · 30/10/2019 20:27

it was a shit thoughtless afterthought and you should be allowed to feel pissed off

Aunaturalmama · 30/10/2019 20:28

Being pissed for a random GIFT as in not a holiday not your birthday etc is the most selfish thing a person can do. Be silently ungrateful sure but keep it to yourself

Imonlymoominafterall · 30/10/2019 20:31

Flip this:
OP offers to buy DH aftershave at duty free.
DH : no thank you I don't need any
DH : and also we really can't afford it, please don't buy me anything
OP buys it anyway then whinges to MN that he wasn't grateful.
OP gets arse handed to her.

SHE SAID NO GIFTS especially when it's the world's least original present ever. (Especially when it's not even the one she wears).

No you are not BU

WYP2018 · 30/10/2019 20:45

People are being snippy in their replies here, but I think unless we know the context of your relationship it’s tough to know if Yabu. Is her generally a thoughtful and loving husband? Or is he a bit shit and this gift sums up his attitude to you?

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 30/10/2019 20:46

YABU. You didn't want a present, he got you a present, now you're pissed off because it's not the present you wanted

This, I mean WTF lol
Make your mind up!

Josette77 · 30/10/2019 20:47

I would take it as a hint he's wanting you to try a new scent. I think wearing it occasionally to make him happy is a nice thing. Not the end of the world.

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/10/2019 20:52

NRFT - do we know what perfume it was yet?

beingsunny · 30/10/2019 20:58

I think you're being a little ungrateful, my DP bought me back the shortbread biscuits from his hotel room last week Confused

RhiWrites · 30/10/2019 21:04

Sell it and the other one.

And please ignore the “my DH gave me a used tissue for my birthday” brigade. Just because they’ve been trained to be grateful for the tiniest pretence of effort doesn’t mean you have to be.

ButFleecesarewarm · 30/10/2019 21:08

I get you op. DH flies a lot for work and jollies dressed up as work.
My gifts have ranged from unusual perfume to the traditional Far Eastern delight of Toblerone Hmm
Now I just text with exact instructions, we're both relieved.

Pinkblueberry · 30/10/2019 21:08

I don’t think being ungrateful is the issue really - I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being ungrateful or not appreciating something you said you didn’t want. But pissed off by a fairly inoffensive/average kind of present? That I don’t understand. If that’s not being spoilt then I don’t know what is.

Inebriati · 30/10/2019 21:20

What if you had paid for half of it, though, as OP did? Does that count as spoilt?

dontgobaconmyheart · 30/10/2019 21:24

It would be fine for him to spend the money if it would be something you wanted though Confused

You're not BU to not want it but the rest is ridiculous IMO. If youd have liked something brought back of local interest why not ask him to do that if there was time to do so rather than say you want nothing and then complain when you get a gift that is too commercial to be thoughtful enough, whatever that means.

It's objectively a waste of money (if it's joint money) but I can't see how it's worth getting upset or falling out over, it's a token gesture from a trip abroad.

As an aside why keep perfume for two years unwanted? Just do the decent thing and gift it to a womens shelter or similar so that someone who may not get any might make the use or enjoyment of it.

Longdistance · 30/10/2019 21:29

When my dh goes away on work trips I get fuck all 🤷🏼‍♀️

I could bust my arse at work all week, sort the kids and juggle the fuck out of life and still not get anything when he’s been on a jolly away with work putting golf balls around a green and drinking beer whilst ‘networking’.

longtimelurkerhelen · 30/10/2019 21:32

Fuck all this YABU shit. You specifically asked that he not get you anything. He then

  1. Ignored explicit request
  2. Wasted money
  3. Bought it from joint money
  4. Got a perfum that you won't use.

Sell it on eBay, put money back into your own account. Make sure he knows you are doing this and he might listen next time. but make sure you are suitably greatful that you have a house AND a husband Grin

This would really piss me off.

user1573334 · 30/10/2019 21:46

I knew as soon as I read your post title you would have some posters saying you are being ungreatful no matter what. A lot of people seem to have a massive issue if anyone expresses dislike of a thoughtless or crap gift, and I really can't get my head around that attitude.

Love language thing is bollocks. I thought those whose love language was gift giving were the ones who took joy in gifting thoughtful gifts. This was not a thoughtful gift.

Did you ask him why he ignored your message?

FaveNumberIs2 · 30/10/2019 21:47

Yabu in my opinion.

BanditoShipman · 30/10/2019 22:16

Op be glad you have a neck to squirt the perfume on. Think about poor Anne Boleyn, she was beheaded Hmm

Of course YANBU, it was thoughtless, last minute and was half your money!

PP : try having higher standards!!

BanditoShipman · 30/10/2019 22:18

Longdistance then sort your shit out, just because your partner is utterly selfish doesn’t mean op should be grateful she got a crap gift from her own money that she had specifically asked him not to buy!

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