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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with this gift

156 replies

FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 16:51

DH has been away for the best part of a week. Technically a work trip, but was being hosted on a jolly.

On the way out he messaged from the airport to ask if I wanted anything from duty free. I said no thanks, then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything as we have just bought a house and are a bit broke at the moment.

He’s just returned, and got the kids to throw a bag at me - my present of some perfume from duty free. I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this. I still have an unopened perfume that he gave me a year ago, now I have two.

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there. Not a flashy afterthought from the airport on the way back. It’s like he didn’t put any effort at all into finding something I might like, but threw money at something at the very end. I honestly would rather have had nothing.

So AIBU for really not wanting this gift? U is for ungrateful.

OP posts:
Mamasaurus82 · 29/10/2019 19:47

Yeah, I'd be annoyed he didn't listen. But maybe just regift it and move on...

Youonlyhadonejob · 29/10/2019 19:48

What perfume is it OP ? Also why would he be offended if you sold/re-gifted it? Does he have a detailed spreadsheet showing all the cosmetics and scents you own??

Inebriati · 29/10/2019 19:49

Its not a gift if you paid for it.
Its not thoughtful if its something you didn't want and it was thrown at you.

Why is it on every thread where OP is very clear about what she likes you get a slew of pp going on about how she is ungrateful for getting something that's had zero thought put into it?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/10/2019 19:54

Dh would have prob asked me which perfume I wanted and got me that

Prisonbreak · 29/10/2019 19:55

You sound like hard work.
Don’t buy me anything...
why didn’t I get something better?
Poor guy

FluffyAlpaca19 · 29/10/2019 20:00

Sell the unwanted perfumes on ebay & buy something you want with it.

ThatMuppetShow · 29/10/2019 20:02

You sound like hard work.

what's so hard work about not wanting to see £100 wasted when you are on a tight budget
Even a box of chocolate or local sweets would have been better in this scenario. (or a scarf, a tshirt, I don't know but the husband should know what his wife is into!)

OP, if he got a discount in the duty free, you could try selling it for same or more! Or re-gift it.

Creepster · 29/10/2019 20:05

Your partner still doesn't know what kind of perfume you like.
Your partner asks you a question and then refuses to respect your answer.

I am so sorry. No, you are not being unreasonable to feel the way you do. I am guessing these are not the only ways he disrespects you.

KatyCarrCan · 29/10/2019 20:05

How would he know that you'd sold it? If the other one is still sitting in a cupboard.
fwiw the fact he could get gifts for the DCs, doesn't necessarily mean there would have been something for you. I've been on work trips where I could have picked up gifts for DCs but wasn't near any shops or markets with items for DH.

TatianaLarina · 29/10/2019 20:05

I’d ignore him being offended and sell them both on eBay anyway.

If you do that he probably won’t make the same mistake again.

But if he is pissed off you can explain that buying women random perfumes they don’t wear is a waste of money.

TigerBilly · 29/10/2019 20:09

Would it hurt to wear the perfume that he specifically chose for you as he liked it?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 29/10/2019 20:11

YANBU. I suppose he was trying.

But I too would prefer not to be given a gift than to be given something I categorically asked not to be bought for me, unnecessarily.

plightofthealbatross · 29/10/2019 20:14

Honestly, it sounds like he doesn't really listen to you or take an interest in you.

BillHadersNewWife · 29/10/2019 20:20

I wish I was given perfume to be pissed off about. Hmm You don't have many problems do you OP?

Wearywithteens · 29/10/2019 20:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

nocluewhattodoo · 29/10/2019 20:30

eBay them both, so what if he is offended, he did something inconsiderate not thoughtful. You need the money and they will probably sell quickly and you can get your money back.

This is the sort of thing my 'D'P does, he once bought me a hideous orange sweatshirt which was supposedly Chanel (it most certainly wasn't) from a Pop up shop for £300 when we were pretty skint. At least the perfume has some value for resale, I would get nothing for an old fruit of the loom sweatshirt with a Chanel label sewn in!

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 29/10/2019 20:36

You paid for half of it, sell it and use the money for something you need.

Doggodogington · 29/10/2019 20:53

Just do what I tell my children to do, be polite, say thank you and put it in the cupboard. It’s not that hard.

ThatMuppetShow · 29/10/2019 20:54

Slight digression but what is wrong with having more than one perfume?

Nothing wrong in itself, but it's a personal choice. I have MY perfume- why shouldn't I?

ThatMuppetShow · 29/10/2019 20:57

Just do what I tell my children to do

but what if the "present" was coming from their pocket money?

Original poster
FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 20:58

See that’s where I’m a bit conflicted. I know he was definitely trying to get me something nice. I suspect there may have also been an element of buying me something shiny and expensive in front of his colleagues.

And I know it’s massively ungrateful to be pissed off about it. Hey, it’s a generous gift after all when plenty of people get nothing at all from their partners ever.

OP posts:
Harvestsquirrel1 · 30/10/2019 17:33

He probably couldn’t take the time he would like to browse, as he was on a business trip. He thought of you and got you some perfume. Open it, you may like it :)

B9ddy · 30/10/2019 17:54

Be glad you have a husband and a home ...

Celestine70 · 30/10/2019 17:56

Why won't you wear the perfume? He got you a surprise and you are ungrateful. You didn't want a gift but now complain he got the wrong thing. Sounds like he can't win.

Sotoes · 30/10/2019 18:15

How is it a gift from your husband if he bought it with joint money?

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