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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off with this gift

156 replies

FenceFuckery · 29/10/2019 16:51

DH has been away for the best part of a week. Technically a work trip, but was being hosted on a jolly.

On the way out he messaged from the airport to ask if I wanted anything from duty free. I said no thanks, then followed up with another message asking him not to buy anything as we have just bought a house and are a bit broke at the moment.

He’s just returned, and got the kids to throw a bag at me - my present of some perfume from duty free. I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this. I still have an unopened perfume that he gave me a year ago, now I have two.

He went to a really interesting country that I’ve not been to, and would have loved something from there. Not a flashy afterthought from the airport on the way back. It’s like he didn’t put any effort at all into finding something I might like, but threw money at something at the very end. I honestly would rather have had nothing.

So AIBU for really not wanting this gift? U is for ungrateful.

OP posts:

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 18:17

Be glad you have a husband and a home ...

true, you could be starving in Yemen right now, you should be so grateful you haven't got £100 to waste!

FFS

BlueSuffragette · 30/10/2019 18:21

Maybe you could wear the gifted perfume for work and save your favourite for more special times. I think you are being little unkind.

Pinkblueberry · 30/10/2019 18:22

YABU. I can understand not being impressed with a gift you don’t like but pissed off?? Actually angry about being given a present? You sound spoilt as anything. I also don’t understand the money angle - you say you’re skint but it would have been ok if it was a special present from the country he was visiting that you would have liked. Also wearing the same perfume all the time is a bit naff - live a little.

purplepalace · 30/10/2019 18:25

Tbh OP I think you've pissed off about the trip and would've been annoyed by any gift....or no gift.

NightsOfCabiria · 30/10/2019 18:27

I completely get it. It’s the fact that its so thoughtless - he could have bought his assistant or mother the same gift for all the effort and thought that went into buying it.

Is he thoughtless generally? If so, you need to sit him down and have a word before you end up killing him.

Catsandchardonnay · 30/10/2019 18:36

YANBU. It’s a thoughtless gift. Perfume is a very personal gift. I hate most of them and would be really pissed off if DH wasted money on something that wasn’t one of the two I actually like. I’d rather have a Toblerone if it’s got to be an airport gift!

OnceFreshFish · 30/10/2019 18:39

It was a work trip, no time to gift shop. If you don't want the perfume it's one Xmas gift less to buy.

Except it was a jolly on which he had plenty of time to pop into a shop.

OnceFreshFish · 30/10/2019 18:40

I would probably ask him to sell it on ebay and return the money to the joint account.

HauntedPinecone · 30/10/2019 18:44

Be glad you have a husband and a home

😂😂 Absolute classic. Did you type that with a straight face?!

ThePants999 · 30/10/2019 18:44

YANBU. I hate being expected to be grateful just because someone got me something, when if they'd put in any thought at all, they'd have realised that I wouldn't want it. If it's also then from joint money - aaargh.

longestlurkerever · 30/10/2019 18:46

I can't bear this attitude to gifts - demanding "thought" be put in. It's like some weird test of "how much do you love me" that you have to prove through the medium of commerce. I get the joy of spotting something that'd be perfect for someone and surprising them with it but this kind of attitude is a perversion of that. A gift to me is a social nicety and does not warrant angst.

Jack80 · 30/10/2019 18:50

Maybe try the new perfumes that could be work perfumes, it's the thought that counts

Jellybeansincognito · 30/10/2019 19:00

You do sound a bit ungrateful tbh. It’s this that did it for me ‘I have one favorite perfume that I’ve worn for years, I don’t want to change this.’

So you’re ignoring gifts for no good reason really? It does come across a bit spoilt and ungrateful.

Schmedz · 30/10/2019 19:02

YADNBU OP

I don't think you sound 'spoilt' as PPs have suggested - you sound like you're hurt for being ignored (you said not to buy anything when he asked) and possibly hurt that the gift doesn't seem to indicate any understanding of or care for what you do and don't like - a gift of unwanted perfume really does stink of getting you something for the sake of it (because it's expected? because that's what 'you do' after a trip away?) rather than any particular desire to do something nice for you (no pun intended).

Method of delivery hardly seemed particularly caring either...

Have you explained how you feel abut things to your DH?

Daffodil2018 · 30/10/2019 19:03

I cannot imagine a world where I would be anything other than pleased with a surprise bottle of perfume from my DH.

It really is the thought that counts. If you don't like it, quietly regift it and move on.

Schmedz · 30/10/2019 19:06

Daffodil what's thoughtful about ignoring your partner when you ask her if she 'wants anything from duty free' and she says 'no' but then money from a joint account is used to purchase the unwanted expensive item?

Miniloso · 30/10/2019 19:06

Jeez, I’d love to get gifted perfume from anyone, but from my DP would be magic.

You need to get some perspective and a reality check.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/10/2019 19:08

And I know it’s massively ungrateful to be pissed off about it. Hey, it’s a generous gift after all when plenty of people get nothing at all from their partners ever.

How is it a generous gift if it’s something you don’t want, asked him not to get and came out of joint money? Tell him he needs to take the cost of it out of his spending money since it’s totally at odds with what you asked him to do.

nicky7654 · 30/10/2019 19:23

I would have been over the moon. I use everything my husband buys me and am very grateful.

Daffodil2018 · 30/10/2019 19:35

@Schmedz he obviously didn't think it would piss her off! He probably thought she just didn't feel she could ask for something and that she would be delighted to be surprised. Surely it is the intention that matters? And it's only a bottle of perfume, not a car or a pair of diamond earrings.

ThatMuppetShow · 30/10/2019 19:40

I cannot imagine a world where I would be anything other than pleased with a surprise bottle of perfume from my DH.

so you like perfume. 🤷
The OP's DH wasn't giving a gift to you though, it's only thoughtful if it's appropriate and wanted by the recipient.

exaltedwombat · 30/10/2019 19:54

Men don't know how to choose worthless trinkets. He played safe with something (he thought) he KNEW you'd like. Just a gentle 'Thanks! Now I've got a lifetime's supply! How romantic!' would have been fine.

ThePants999 · 30/10/2019 19:54

@Daffodil2018 It really is the thought that counts.

Exactly. And no thought went into this gift whatsoever, therefore it doesn't count.

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/10/2019 19:56

BlastEndedSkrewt A show horn, you say???
That sounds....interesting!

Redshoesandtheblues · 30/10/2019 20:02

Never mind the perfume, did he remember the gin?

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