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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

261 replies

gwackywacky · 29/10/2019 13:42

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 30/10/2019 20:00

God I would fucking love this as a social life. Why don't I have friends who want to hang out at home until 3am?? Not getting stoned though preferably.

I realise this is completely unhelpful as a response, sorry :o

TheLittleDogLaughed · 30/10/2019 20:01

Missed the bit about stoners. I'd get the hell out, unless you like getting stoned with them?

Aunaturalmama · 30/10/2019 20:17

You’re being very very selfish. He wants you to meet and hang with his friends, and his friends want to get to know you as well. Maybe he also wants to see how you are around children? Seems like you don’t like them and are a bit self centered which makes sense why you don’t like babies..babies make everything centered around them. So if you wanna hang with his friends who just had a baby they are sort of a package deal. I doubt they will stay long with a new baby though unless they are so fresh that they sleep most of the time.

Aunaturalmama · 30/10/2019 20:18

All and all one of you guys has to give a bit or the relationship of an introvert and extrovert might not last.

SoyDora · 30/10/2019 20:19

I just can’t imagine making such a fuss about one night of my life.

Aunaturalmama · 30/10/2019 20:22

@GreenTulips

You honestly do not hang out with your husbands friends? Ever..? And him either with yours? May I ask how long you have been married?

My husband is my best friend and we love hanging out together. That means me and the kids come with, and he comes with us when we go out. Of course there’s times when we hang alone but that’s rare as we tend to miss each other after a few hours

Bahhhhhumbug · 30/10/2019 20:39

Are all those queuing up to call the OP selfish, missing the bit where she says he has no interest and never socialises with her friends?

Delatron · 30/10/2019 21:14

It’s just one night. Your DP would like his friends to come over as it’s pretty much the only way to see them. Selfish of you to suggest a crazy night out when they’ve got a newborn. And your DP pulled you up on it too.

Now I’m older and yes I guess in my 30s I liked going out more but nobody is asking you to stay in for ever. Just one night to hang out with your DH’a friends who’ve just had a baby.

I reckon 80% of my socialising is done in my house and my friends houses. But we all have kids so cheaper than a babysitter.

BumbleBeee69 · 30/10/2019 22:12

it's not just ONE night though is it.. it's one night of your entire two night weekend.. that's half your free nights, 50% of your weekend gone... on bores.. sod that

Go out with your mates OP.

emmakc1977 · 30/10/2019 22:14

Don’t blame you wanting to go out. I was the same and then I had kids. Now a night out is a military operation and takes massive organising - I expect you’ll be the same once you’re ready have a baby but in the meantime enjoy your freedom and lie ins lol

AmateurSwami · 30/10/2019 22:21

  • Cook for them Let your partner chat to his mate Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her*

Sounds like a fun filled Saturday for op Hmm

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/10/2019 22:29

Oh come on OP you can make them nachos with posh Doritos for when they get the munchies.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 30/10/2019 23:10

Cook for them
Let your partner chat to his mate
Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her

Fuck that. I'm 47 and far too old and tired for escape rooms, but no way would I pit myself out for a boring couple with a random baby that I wasn't interested it. Why shouldn't the OP go out and have some fun? Bloody hell.

shrutefarm · 30/10/2019 23:23

Is your dp a stoner too? Stoners are the most boring people on the planet.

shrutefarm · 30/10/2019 23:26

Cook for them
Let your partner chat to his mate
Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her

Of course. Op is female so naturally she should cook for everyone, serve them and look after someone else's baby. Let the men get stoned and be men eh.

winkywonky · 31/10/2019 00:14

You sound a bit rude to be honest. Yes it’s rough when you have no kids. But when/if you do, I hope
Nobody treats you like the leper you are treating his friends. I don’t think I could stick with a partner as unsupportive as you.

AwkwardFucker · 31/10/2019 01:40

New parents are probably knackered
Cook for them
Let your partner chat to his mate
Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her

What the actual fuck did I just read?

Purpleartichoke · 31/10/2019 01:46

There is the whole idea of to each their own, but honestly OP, your view of a social life sounds awful. It does not bode well for your future either. Of course a man whose partner just had a baby is not going to leave them at home and go out. Well, there are some that would, but their partners will just end up posting on here about the demise of their partnerships.

HeckyPeck · 31/10/2019 05:23

Are all those queuing up to call the OP selfish, missing the bit where she says he has no interest and never socialises with her friends?

People love a pile on nowadays sadly.

siacolouredthesmallone · 31/10/2019 07:32

Wow, the fucking Fertility Police are onto you OP Grin !

Just be careful not to piss away your fertile years if you eventually want to have kids. Have a word with yourself basically. You don’t sound compatible and unless you’re planning to be childless may need to think about when you’d like to grow up.

I'm practically weeping with laughter that you can say that @Mummyoflittledragon straight after telling the OP that her "comment about random baby was bizarre and rude".

I'd say randomly bringing the OP's ovaries into the equation, apropos of nothing at all, is the very definition of bizarre and rude Grin !

OP, I personally like the kind of evenings your partner and his friends have in mind, and often socialize like that with my partner/kids and our friends. But that doesn't stop me from saying that you are not unreasonable at all imho, for all the reasons you've mentioned: the fact that you WFH & want a bit of stimulation outside those walls, the fact that this could have been done on a weekend when you were away, and simply the fact that you don't want to. All good enough reasons. But I'd say maybe suck it up this time (definitely do have a Go To Bed & Watch Netflix plan around 11pm however Wink !) whilst having a conversation with your partner about what to do if this comes up again.

siacolouredthesmallone · 31/10/2019 07:49

@Horehound

Do you think she only joined in October because of the threads under her username? I've been on here since the cheque was cancelled but change usernames all the time....

TheLittleDogLaughed · 31/10/2019 07:56

AwkwardFucker Let your partner chat to his mate
Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her

I was horrified by this too! It’s like something from a 1950s parenting manual. Especially the “check on baby” why do people say it like that? - it’s THE baby or A baby. Really makes my skin crawl.

StCharlotte · 31/10/2019 08:17

Yes they are stoners.

Ohhhhhh! Quite a drip feed in the context of the thread (somehow missed it and about five pages!).

YANBU.

Also YANCompatible. Get rid and find a boyfriend with some imagination.

Delatron · 31/10/2019 08:22

I guess you’ve posted this on a parenting forum so many people will be past the going out clubbing phase and will be used to having babies and the impact that has on a a social life.

Yes you do sound incompatible to your DP.

niugboo · 31/10/2019 08:56

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable for not wanting to spend a Saturday night with his friends and their baby (because to be clear with this attitude you aren’t their friend) but I think your whole approach is unreasonable.

Just to clarify in case I’ve misunderstood. You know they like to socialise in each others homes yet as soon as a meet up is discussed you decide to impose what you enjoy with no regard for others preferences. In addition to that you thought it was appropriate to drag a new father out leaving his partner at home with a new baby alone. Do you even have kids? How would you have felt if in the weeks after your OH shifted the normal social activity that would include you to do something that doesn’t include you to keep his mates girlfriend happy.

You don’t have to want to socialise with them. You don’t have to want to stay home. But you can’t make others do what you want and the dismissive undertone or others in this post speaks volumes.

I’m assuming your relationship is serious in which case you need to figure this out because it’s not going away. Personally I would be asking how compatible we were.