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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

261 replies

gwackywacky · 29/10/2019 13:42

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OP posts:
TheLittleDogLaughed · 30/10/2019 17:40

Shouldn’t you just be asking your partner to have them over when you’re not there? Not sure how anyone on here can help with that.

How the hell did you guys get together and what makes it worth while for you?

Cheeseandwin5 · 30/10/2019 17:40

This is a difficult one, at first I didn't think you were BU as they are his friends and if he wants to entertain them, then you shouldn't need to be there unless you wanted to be. but then I noticed your other comments, and it seems to be that this is a once in a blue moon occurrence with your DP has asked you to join him.
I am not too sure if you see your relationship as flatmates but if not sometimes it is OK to ask your partner to be with you and I would be pissed off, if my DP had your attitude.

Celestine70 · 30/10/2019 17:45

This is what couples do. Tolerate the other 's friends. It is only one night. Watch some films. P!at a board game. Drink wine. You sound selfish.

crustycrab · 30/10/2019 17:52

Ah, potheads. So that's why lazy arse just sat playing on his PlayStation while you mashed the fairly hard avocado.

Sounds like a right winner

nuxe1984 · 30/10/2019 17:59

You're meant to be a couple. That means doing things with each others friends (as well as doing your own stuff) even if you don't think they're the most exciting people in the world.

You sound very self-centred - it isn't always about you, you know! Would it really hurt you to spend an evening indoors with these friends? Have something to eat, have a few drinks, maybe watch a film … if you need to get out, do something earlier in the day.

B9ddy · 30/10/2019 18:02

Random baby ...do you mean you or their child?
Get over yourself
New parents are probably knackered
Cook for them
Let your partner chat to his mate
Let her have a glass of wine and a rest while you check on baby for her
Go on ...it might make you a bit less self absorbed

Djimino · 30/10/2019 18:07

Yes they are stoners

Stoners never seem to realise how boring they are. I avoid them when I can.

bossyrossy · 30/10/2019 18:24

Could it be a financial thing? Clubs and pubs cost money, drinking at home is much cheaper. Young couples with mortgages or high rents are not likely to have cash to splash but still want to spend evenings with friends.

ChickenyChick · 30/10/2019 18:26

You sound very hostile about parents and babies OP Hmm

Just go and do your own thing with your own friends

Chathamhouserules · 30/10/2019 18:29

If the conversation flows and we're all having a laugh then staying in is fine. Probably wouldn't want to do it all the time. And it's rude if they talk about things they know will exclude you.

Jack80 · 30/10/2019 18:39

Could you not have a games and take away night

Nearly47 · 30/10/2019 18:39

It's just one day. If you ever have a baby you will understand why they prefer to visit at home. Book something with your friends Friday evening so you won't feel so traped when they visit on Saturday.

Nettie1964 · 30/10/2019 18:53

Sorry nut u sound like Carrie/Sam in sex and the city. Loads of people like house parties as they get into their 30s and have kids. You sound really incompatible tbh. Escape room😁you'll be clubbing with yr friends daughter's in 20 years.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 30/10/2019 18:57

Just dont get this couple thing. Why cant he have them over when I'm not here?

He wants a social life that includes you, his DP. That's pretty normal to be honest. I regularly socialise without my DH and am happy to do so but I would be hurt if he never made an effort with my friends. I think making an effort with one another's friends is something most people expect in relationships and not unreasonable. I also wouldn't like to be told that my friends weren't allowed to visit unless my DH wasn't here.

I agree with pp, you sound fundamentally incompatible.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 30/10/2019 19:01

Sorry but you sound very entrenched in your own needs and not at all thinking about your partner. When you're with someone you do things together sometimes, particularly if their friends have partners that you can get on with.

In the past, I've enjoyed partying with the best of them but actually hanging out at a friend's house with a takeaway on a Saturday night is just as good now. Sometimes I'm driving so I'm not even drinking. My friends are great company and we all have a laugh together. I love spending time with my friends and don't need the stimulation of being out to enjoy their company. I really resent the implication that we're somehow staid and boring because we can have fun just hanging out wherever we may be.

If making this concession for your partner is the massive deal you're making it out to be, I really don't think you're cut out for each other. There's lots of reasons why people don't go out - anxiety in crowds, money, kids. If you've got your own friends that you go out with, then I don't see how the occasional couples evening is so terrible. Obviously likewise, your partner shouldn't be complaining when you go out and do your own thing that he's not interested in. This isn't about women being conditioned to "be nice", it's about wanting to do things with your partner and not having to be out doing exhilarating activities constantly. I'll be honest, that just sounds bloody exhausting!

Pursefirst · 30/10/2019 19:01

Jesus Christ, some of the replies on this thread.....babies are largely only interesting to their parents/grandparents/siblings. As for cooking for them and checking on the baby for them? ODFOD.

Pursefirst · 30/10/2019 19:02

And before the handmaidens weigh in, her DP's friend only wants to come over to their place so that they can get high! RTFT.

AmateurSwami · 30/10/2019 19:11

Argh I used to be in a friendship group like this. It’s stifling

AmateurSwami · 30/10/2019 19:12

Does your dp doscialise with your friends and their partners? Or expect you to just befriend all his friends

HeckyPeck · 30/10/2019 19:13

Her dp is mad to think he doesn't have to have anything to do with her friends but can force his on her.

That’s what I was thinking.

I’d go out. He can’t be arsed with your friends so why should you bother with his? (Who sound really boring by the way!)

HelloDulling · 30/10/2019 19:20

Stoners and escape rooms. Jeez, you all sound like you need to grow up.

Iksu · 30/10/2019 19:29

I just don’t get why people who don’t like babies post on a parenting forum. Aren’t there other places where you can find people? Why whinge about children on MUMSNET for god’s sake!

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 30/10/2019 19:36

I just don’t get why people who don’t like babies post on a parenting forum. Aren’t there other places where you can find people? Why whinge about children on MUMSNET for god’s sake!

Some people have babies but still find them boring. Who made you the MN posting police?

winniestone37 · 30/10/2019 19:44

This seems to be more to do with you not liking his friends.

AskMeHow · 30/10/2019 19:56

Ah, they're stoners, it all becomes clear.

I used to have a bf who would socialise with his friends this way. Every weekend they would congregate at someone's house. It wasn't until we split up I realised how utterly bored I was at these gatherings - they were all friends from school so chat and gossip about people I didn't know etc.

I'm with you OP. Fundamentally I think you and your DP are incompatible. You don't gel with his friends, he gets annoyed if you socialise separately, you find these evenings tedious. Just call it quits tbh.

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