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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

261 replies

gwackywacky · 29/10/2019 13:42

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OP posts:
ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 31/10/2019 20:53

You keep this up and your OH may just decide you're too demanding and don't fit in with HIS life. I would put money on it that thought has already crossed his mind.

Bloody hell.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/10/2019 20:57

....see my earlier post 😂

Boysey45 · 31/10/2019 21:01

When your seeing someone its not about fitting in with a mans life surely? Isnt it about getting to know someone, doing things together that you both like and enjoy and seeing where that goes?.
OPs partner sounds like a boring person and so do his mates. You only live once so I'd personally be glad if I was ditched by him.

Tinyandpetite · 31/10/2019 21:35

Slightly off topic, are you in the US? I haven’t heard of escape room here.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 31/10/2019 21:51

@Tinyandpetite they are here too. One of my staff suggested it as a thing for us to do for our Christmas party this year. It wasn't a popular choice!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 31/10/2019 21:52

Can we stop with the childless person on MN shock horror though please. It's getting boring. The OP might be a bit of a twat but most of us aren't.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 31/10/2019 21:53

Actually on reflection, the OP isn't the only twat in this thread.

QueSera · 31/10/2019 22:01

It just seems a bit odd for a childfree person to come on to a specific forum - well-known to be populated by a lot of people with children - to complain about a baby and about a new mum wanting to visit friends.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 31/10/2019 22:07

@QueSera why? Aren't women without children a) allowed onto this hallowed ground and b) allowed to not want to have the company of a child she isn't connected to when she wants to go out? I'm nit defending the OP as she's a bit of a twat but why is it ok for parents to admit to not wanting to be around children (other than their own) but not for someone who doesn't have children to admit it?

Are we just supposed to be grateful that parents allow us to share their space but only as long as we don't have any opinions? Fuck that.

QueSera · 31/10/2019 22:20

Whatever, of course anyone can come on Mumsnet. Just seems odd to me to come on to Mumsnet specifically to complain about a mum and a baby. Obviously you dont need to be grateful if a parent wants to spend time with you, but equally it seems very rude to complain that they do, like they're not worth spending time with.
If you don't want to be around mums and babies, why come on Mumsnet to tell us about it? Just go and do your own baby/mum-free thing.

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 31/10/2019 22:21

This thread was odd to start with but it’s gone very silly with the handwriting over the randomness of a baby and the ring fencing of a forum for mums or rather for mums who behave the way some posters deem acceptable. Very odd indeed.

QueSera · 31/10/2019 22:36

Absolutely no one is ring-fencing. Just saying OP's motivation seems odd, that's all. OP is free to express her odd opinion here, and I am free to comment on it. That's how a forum works. HTH

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 31/10/2019 22:38

And so can posters who aren’t parents, because that’s how a forum works.

HTH.

Delatron · 31/10/2019 22:58

There’s no ringfencing, handwringing or policing of the forum! What an overreaction.

A few posters have merely pointed out it’s an odd place to seek an opinion on this, she’d be better off speaking to her friends. Calling a friend’s baby random is what is strange and not particularly nice. Most parents don’t socialise as much out of the house therefore many of us would think that sounds like a nice night!

No forum police. Just observations. Jesus.

Sagradafamiliar · 31/10/2019 23:06

OP's motivation seems odd

Well yes, they've admitted to being a troll.

QueSera · 31/10/2019 23:09

And so can posters who aren’t parents

Exactly what i said Biscuit

OverByYer · 31/10/2019 23:13

Do people (Adults) really use the phrase ‘hang out’?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/11/2019 01:53

Can I just jump in with regards to the virtue signalling aggressive posters... the clue is in the name MUMSnet. @Localocal point stands. Why in gods name would you go on a predominantly parenting website to make disparaging remarks about a baby and their parents who've done nothing but apparently inconvenience you with their presence unless you were looking to start a dog fight? Hmm

‘Virtue signalling’? Fuck off. A grown adult has decided to ask for advice on a public forum. She should be able to do that without being cross-examined on her motivation. If you disagree with her viewpoint, fine - but why throw a strop because she expressed it in the first place?

Literally everything about your post, including the stupid Hmm face, makes me think you’re beyond thick.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 01/11/2019 01:55

It just seems a bit odd for a childfree person to come on to a specific forum - well-known to be populated by a lot of people with children - to complain about a baby and about a new mum wanting to visit friends

So what are you suggesting? That no one who has ever had a child would ever complain about children, parents or both? Think again.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 01/11/2019 04:55

Do people (Adults) really use the phrase ‘hang out’?

I'm a 55 year old woman and use it all the time.

SuperMumTum · 01/11/2019 05:43

Having someone sit in my living room til 3am sounds awful. I'm happy to stay home with a box set and a takeaway myself and rarely go out which is my choice. But I don't want to have to make conversation with other people. If I want to see my mates we go out. This is a strange way to socialise.

Karwomannghia · 01/11/2019 07:38

Socialising at friends’ houses really isn’t that strange- dinner parties, bbqs, playing games etc. Several people do it and it’s not at all strange.
Also I’d bet the experience is very different now with a baby and they’ll be leaving a lot earlier. Or most likely the man will end up trying to send the new mum home on her own so he can stay and get pissed.

HundredsAndThousandsOfThem · 01/11/2019 09:56

This is a strange way to socialise.

It really isn't strange at all. There's really not a great deal of difference between socialising in a pub or restaurant than at someone's house and when one of you has a baby it's makes much more sense to socialise in a house.

There's nothing wrong with socialising at home or preferring to go out both are perfectly normal choices, if there's a mismatch between your socialising styles you need to find a way to compromise rather than being petty and trying to convince yourself your style is superior in some way.

AS a married couple it's normal (but not compulsory) that you'll at least occasionally socialise with your partner's friends. If you don't enjoy doing this then have a discussion where you agree to limit it to an amount you're both comfortable with. Of course you don't have to stay up till 3am just because your partner is. Just say you're tired and go up to bed to relax and agree on when is a convenient time for him to invite his mates round. It's totally reasonable to not want people round every weekend but he should be able to socialise in his own house sometimes.

YouTheCat · 01/11/2019 10:09

I love staying in and going out but sitting with a bunch of stoned 30 somethings sounds beyond hell.

Go out.

user1491640499 · 01/11/2019 10:48

May I ask what you do working from home which I would love to do and as for sitting at home I would hate that especially till the early hours

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