To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

[gwackywacky]

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

You sound boring. I have fun with my friends regardless of where we are or what we are doing.

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate) erm... der??? Why would someone whose wife has just given birth want to do an escape room with his friend and his friends girlfriend??

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland They actively want to come to ours!!!

If they’ve just had a baby, they’re unlikely to want to sit on until 2 or 3am this time.

Given that you “don’t interact” with his friends generally, this is a once-off, right? It doesn’t sound like a major imposition. Part of being in a couple is spending time with each other’s friends - not all your time, but occasional evenings, yes.

And fwiw, it would be a lot more of a “man’s world” if F was actually prepared to spend Saturday night doing an escape room while his exhausted wife sat at home with their newborn. It sounds like he’s got his priorities right.

I think you have FOMO like me. One night won't kill you (maybe a piece of you) but its fine.

2/3am jesus🙄 Make your own plans and go out.

@Alicia9999 Um, duh, try reading my post rather than getting your itchy little fingers raring to start typing away? He told me "F said he wants to hang out". HE. Not THEY.

You are being selfish and sound about 12 with the petulant 'Get me out of here!' It's one weekend. Your DP obviously wants you to make an effort to get to know his friends. If that's too much effort to make occasionally then I think your relationship may have a problem because you and your DP obviously have different views about socialising with friends and integrating your social lives.

@AppropriateAdult Yeah you're totally right, I know it. Good username! I'll just crack on with it

I do this with my friends, we love it. Film nights, board games, general catching up, usually ending up with trawling through YouTube for ridiculous music videos from our youth. Everyone brings a bottle and some snacks, or we make pizzas. It's much cheaper than the pub, cosier, good conversation.
Different strokes for different folks. I suspect the issue is that you don't enjoy the company of his friends (which is fine!). If you got on well, you'd be happy to hang out, but it can be a bit awkward if you don't know people well.

I don’t think OP’s proposing that his wife or baby come to the escape room. Her DP did say ‘F ‘ wants to hang out, implying it’s just him.

I think this would depend on whether your DP makes an effort to socialise with you and your friends outside of your home or other people’s homes?

Surely there is a compromise, whereby once a month you go out with him and your friends, once a month you socialise at a house with him and his friends, once weekend a month you’re at work etc?

YABU to want to suggest an escape room to a couple with a new baby!

If you don't want to be there, make your own plans!

Or, suggest you go to their house and then you can leave at a reasonable time. Perhaps have dinner out with DP, then head to their house and agree with DP you'll leave at X time.

You are being selfish and sound about 12 with the petulant 'Get me out of here!' It's one weekend.

The Op meant get me out of here in reference to the house. Given that she works from home surely you can appreciate her desire to go out somewhere on the weekend instead of being cooped up staring at the same 4 walls? I don't think that makes her selfish at all.

YANBU OP, it sounds tedious in the extreme.

I would probably suck it up this once, but that would be the end of it for me and I'd be making that clear to your DP.

I love all the suggestions that you should have grown out of wanting to leave the house in your 30s!

You sound like a teenager.

The baby might be a good sleeper now, by the time they come round it could be a whole different story. And even a good sleeping tiny baby will be up and down during the night - surely they will be wanting to go home and get some sleep before 2/3am?

I am just boggling at this, all my children were shocking sleepers and I really wasn't up for socialising at all, so maybe I am projecting.

But yes, if it's one of 'those' groups, where, if you go out and leave them to it the rumours circulate that you are on the verge of splitting up...yep, you just have to suck it up. Could you have some 'work' that's essential to do, just so you don't have to sit there and look at the baby all night? Sit in another room with your headphones and a podcast?

I love all the suggestions that you should have grown out of wanting to leave the house in your 30s!

Me too. What's so wrong about wanting to go outside and do something when you've been working in your house all week.

Smile I work from home. That doesn't mean I talk or react like a teen if someone wants to come over to my house.

they sound Boring as Hell...

Go out with your mates.

YANBU- it sounds really boring.

Maybe when this happens if you have enough notice to arrange something with someone, stay around for an hour or two to show willing and so you're shown your face and they can't moan too much, then go out with some other friend.

I don't think there's anything abnormal about wanting to go to a pub or summat, whatever one's age, and especially when only in your 30s- quite the opposite.

Get one of your friends to phone you at 7pm. Go, "Oh my GOD what??? Don't worry - I'm on my way..."

Ta-daaaa! (No need to thank me.)

I don’t think your being selfish at all. They are his friends not yours and yet you’ve to spend a night looking at them and making nice talk about a baby that your not invested in. I’d rather pull my eyeballs out.
My ex husband had a couple friend like this years ago, they always stayed hours until 1-2 am even with the baby. It was such a bore.
No advice just know how you feel, I hated it too

I think YABU. It's one night. Just suck it up and host them. I guarantee they won't want to sit there until 3am with a new baby. They'll probably leave by 10!

Why can't your DP go to theirs?

@Sicario Excellent ruse.