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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

261 replies

gwackywacky · 29/10/2019 13:42

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/10/2019 17:21

Will the blokes be getting stoned op?

Agree with pp's, it doesn't sound like your compatible long term. Go out or stay in and go to bed when you want

billy1966 · 29/10/2019 17:22

OP, YANBU

I think he is.
That would not be my idea of a good night unless it was with a very close friend of MINE.

When I didn't have children I had absolutely zero interest in being around them.

Certainly wouldn't have done it for a Saturday night.

You both like very different things. If he's living this life now do you really thing you will be compatible long term.

If I were you I would start laying down some boundaries or you are going to get swallowed up in his boring life.

Fine if ye all had babies and were in the same place but ye are not.

Get out and about while you can!

Horehound · 29/10/2019 17:24

You again?

ReanimatedSGB · 29/10/2019 17:26

Are they smug vegans as well as middle-class stoners, OP? Is your house going to reek of farts as well as weed?

shiningstar2 · 29/10/2019 17:31

I do get you op not wanting to stay in at weekends if you have no family commitments yourself and if your social group wouldn't / didn't do the same for you if/when the position was reversed. Also I am thinking its a kind of wife work thing. He may feel a bit bereft not having you around in a couples together scenario ...and that's nice ....but it may be that he wants u there to do the wife work ...fetch the drinks do the ordering for takeaways or actually provide the food. Talk about babies to the wife while he talks footie/rugby/golf/cycling to his mattes. Might be wrong on this one but I have seen it happen.

Horehound · 29/10/2019 17:35

This is the dorito, stinky t shirt and partner who stands too close to her when doing make up poster.

It's strange just how many idiotic threads she's started since joining in October..

Pretty sure she's veeting her hairy hands as we speak!

GreenTulips · 29/10/2019 17:38

It’s pretty obvious they would probably be meeting as a pair and quite possible with their child.

Why? I’m married and rarely socialise with DH and his friends, he goes to the casino or plays golf, I’m not interested and meet friends for a chat, food or cinema. I hate being dumped with the ‘wife’ just because our husbands are friends.

A couple is no less a couple than those tied together permanently

ThreeLittleDots · 29/10/2019 17:38

Told someone with morning sickness to look into cannabis...

GreenTulips · 29/10/2019 17:39

Are you one of those people who no longer refer to ‘Dave’ but ‘The Smiths’?

MyGoodTimes · 29/10/2019 17:51

It sounds like your relationship has run it's course.

FWIW I would make an effort this time as it doesn't happen often.

vegvegveg · 29/10/2019 18:04

Stoners are soooooo boring, I'm with you OP it sounds dreary! I love going out and socialising and like you, if I've been in the house working all day I am desperate to get out on a Friday night! And I'm a mum, and I'm mid 30s (gasp!) Shock

ilovetofu · 29/10/2019 18:07

Why on earth would someone with a new baby want to sit in your living room until 2 or 3am?!?! Very odd.

HarrietsHat · 29/10/2019 18:08

If you just don't get this 'couple thing', don't want to have a relationship with his friends, don't want to look at their baby (after all, you've seen it once, right?), don't want to spend the night in, then don't do it. This isn't a one-off, this is the way they are, so it is a problem that will keep coming up. Sounds to me like you are incompatible.

You expected that the guy would go out to an escape room with you and your DP and leave his partner and new baby at home rather than finding some way for you all to socialise together without leaving her out. Sounds to me like they are at a very different life stage to you.

ilovetofu · 29/10/2019 18:14

LTB Biscuit

Sparkletastic · 29/10/2019 18:14

DP and his friends sound tedious.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 29/10/2019 18:15

Oh I'd scream. I don't want to spend time with children at all - especially not in my free time or in my own house. Absolutely not. Either make other plans for yourself or tell your DP to go to them.

AllDaySnacker · 29/10/2019 18:24

Wouldn’t they be knackered and dying to go home?! If you have to make your excuses and leave after a bit of socialising, I think that’s perfectly acceptable! After all, you’d already have welcomed them into your home and gushed a bit about the new baby.

feelingsinister · 29/10/2019 18:24

I can see why it might be boring to stay in all the time but it's one night.

I like doing both and have a really good laugh when I go to friends/they come here.

We drink, play games, eat, chat. Obviously we like each other though, that's not going to be fun if you don't like his friends.

We do that more with our friends with children because it's easier and I like their kids so it's no hardship to hang out with them. Babies are no hassle and toddlers are funny. My close friends are like family and so are their children. I can't imagine seeing my friends child as a random baby but I guess they're his friends not yours.

Doobigetta · 29/10/2019 18:32

Seems to me, OP, that if you need to show willing and spend an evening with these people occasionally, in your own home is the least painful way to do it. If you’ve been left out of the conversation for a bit you can just start reading or something, and they probably won’t even notice. And there’s no reason why when you get tired you can’t say, so sorry, I’m going to have to leave you to it as I’m falling asleep (probably wait until after 11 to do this though)

Have to say I’m really amused by your attitude towards the baby- you went to see it in hospital, why would you want to see it again? Parents tend not to really engage with that perspective, I’ve noticed.

StCharlotte · 29/10/2019 19:19

Tell them you've started smoking. Indoors. Wink

EmmiJay · 29/10/2019 19:30

'Stoners'...'stoned' 🤣🤣

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 29/10/2019 20:15

Probably not unreasonable. I enjoy having friends over and going over to see them, but baby talk is dull for those who don’t have kids and stoner talk is even duller. It would be different if you were going to play games or if they were livelier company.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 29/10/2019 22:51

chat of how Maria from work has gone mad and got a fringe, and while it is noice, she will never find a husband now that she is 28 with a fringe, you know.

I love Maria with the fringe Grin

Willow2017 · 29/10/2019 23:46

So op has to

  1. sit and listen to them all reminiscing about stuff she wasn't involved in all night.
  2. make polite small talk if they stop long enough to include her.
  3. watch F get stoned
  4. sit quietly reading a Book in her own living room
  5. go to bed at 10pm on a Saturday night if she doesn't like it!
  6. needs to make friends with these people so she can keep her boring dp who wants nothing to ever change but for her to fall in with his life plans (I.e stay in forever) as a sperm bank.
  7. and probably organise ood drinks etc and be the hostess with the mistest to boot.

And who invites themselves plus a baby to someone else's house for hours and hours anyway?
Jesus wept she is 30 not 130! Talk about conditioning women to be 'nice' doormats all the time
Wtaf?

This is her home too. There's nothing to stop her going out so she misses any of the above.

She doesn't have to.sit in silence all night in her own home.
Her dp is mad to think he doesn't have to have anything to do with her friends but can force his on her.

I would leg it now op this is only going to get worse!