To not want to sit around with a random baby on Saturday night?

[gwackywacky]

So DP's friends all like to stay in. I mean literally. They dont go to pubs, or bars, or activities, or anything really. They just go to each others houses. That's totally their choice, but personally I feel like we're in our 30s and there are people in their 80s with more diversity in their social lives.

Whatever though, I have my friends (who he doesn't interact with) and he has his (same).

So last night DP says to me "F was saying he wanted to hang out on Saturday". I was like "awesome, why don't we go to the new escape room that's opened?" And DP says "gwacky, hello? S has just had the baby?"

(S is F's partner, I hadnt realised that simply using the mans name could be shorthand for two other human beings, but I guess it's a mans world and that's another debate).

So I said "oh okay....." and DP said "so they really want to come to the house".

Okay, I know I'm being unreasonable in a way. But the thing is, I'm away one weekend a month for a course. He knows it drives me insane to be sitting in a fucking living room for 6 or 7 hours (and yes, it will be that long, I know them). I just like socialising out. Why do I have to sit in my house for all of Saturday night and gush over a baby when he could just invite them over on one of the many weekends i am away?!

Am I being selfish? I can take it if I am. Also I have seen the baby before, we went to te maternity ward two or three days after he was born. Oh and another thing is I work from home which suits me fine but by the time the weekend comes around I'm just like GET ME OUT OF HERE.

I wouldn't look forward to it either but I don't see how the staying in Vs going out really makes a difference? How would it be any more entertaining to socialise in a pub than in your living room? It's easier to be in a house with a baby in tow.

IF they stay till 3am surely you can just say you're tired and go to bed at 11pm (eve if you just watch Netflix in bed with headphones).

@Nandocushion Because they expressly asked to come here...

Surely the other couple should offer to host not invite themselves round to your house?
I'd go out OP and I wouldn't be doing loads of visiting his other mates in their houses either. I'm with you it sounds very boring.
Live your life OP doing what you want not being bored off your tits in peoples houses. That's no life for a young person.

Smile I work from home. That doesn't mean I talk or react like a teen if someone wants to come over to my house.

How is she acting like a teen. Her DP originally said his friend wanted to hang out so she suggested they went to an escape the room game. Now it transpires his friend and partner and their baby are coming over on Saturday night so they can all sit at home and chat. I have lots of lovely friends I'd be happy to spend an evening at home watching films and getting a takeaway with. However, an evening just chatting to one couple with nothing else to break up the monotony doesn't sound all that enjoyable. It doesn't mean anyone is acting like a 'teen' if they wish to spend their time actually doing something or going somewhere.

So it’s not a ‘random’ baby then? Do what you will as you are certainly entitled to enjoy your weekend. The way you’ve written your post makes it sound like this staying in when you want to be out is a reoccurring issue though - the fact that you and your partner like to socialise in completely opposite ways seems a bit odd. What do you do for fun when it’s just the two of you?

This wouldn't bother me occasionally. I'd play games (board or video) have drinks and do some pizza or get a take away. So I think if it's not happening that much its no big deal. You do say you don't really share friend so how often is it?

@SmileCheese Thank you Smile! You get it.

I'd have them round but go to bed early. You sound like you don't like them very much, so it'd be a "sorry guys, I'm off to bed now (yawn) night night" at 10pm

It’s just one night though.

I would do the 'no, don't you worry about dragging yourselves and all the baby stuff across town, we'll come to you, it's no trouble!' Then you can go for a couple of hours and announce at 9.30 you're now off to meet your friends in the pub.

You sounds weirdly judgy about their preferred way to socialise. I'd be with them - nicer to actually get to talk to people rather than be distracted by an activity or shouting at each other in a busy bar. Sounds like they're very sociable if they can keep the conversation flowing all night without the scaffolding of an escape room or similar.

Even if this wasn't their usual way, it's the most suitable way to socialise with a young baby.

Just suck it up and try to enjoy their company. It's one night. And they might be desperate to talk about anything but the baby.

(And if they're not, just let them talk about the damn baby. Their lives have been turned upside down and they're still adjusting. You're supposed to be their friends so let them talk it over if they need to.)

Does he make any effort with your friends OP? Would he put himself out to support you by spending time with them or is there an element of his friends are "proper" grown-ups, with a life that you "should" be aspiring too (Although I may be projecting as I had this, he thought my perfectly nice, ordinary friends were beneath him)

Are they stoners?

I would do the 'no, don't you worry about dragging yourselves and all the baby stuff across town, we'll come to you, it's no trouble!' Then you can go for a couple of hours and announce at 9.30 you're now off to meet your friends in the pub.

Way to be supportive of the new parents! That would be so rude.

@MindyStClaire The "scaffolding" of an escape room? You sound weirdly judgey yourself, Mindy. It's about being stimulated by stuff, sounds, visuals, new places. And yes, they sure can keep the conversation rolling all night: primarily reminiscing about their teen years and gossip about people they know. Which is kinda difficult for me to engage with.

Ruder than inviting yourself to someone else's house and assuming they are not allowed to say no or have other plans?

it's important in this crowd to "be seen" as a couple so I guess I'll suck it up and do it.

Important to who? If them - who cares? If important to your DP, then you need to weigh up your relationship against your comfort.

@ThreeLittleDots Yes they are stoners. Although shes breastfeeding (when I went to see her in the ward she immediately launched into a thing about mothers who dont breastfeed etc which got my back up for some reason although I'm not a mother)

I’m with you OP this would be my idea of hell! I like socialising outside the home because when I have had enough I can leave but if they’re at yours you’ll feel like you have to endure it till 3am. There’s nothing wrong with having different friendship groups to your OH like you say you both enjoy different types of socialising. I think your OH is being unreasonable not just doing this on a weekend when you’re away if he knows you don’t enjoy this kind of thing.

To be honest it doesn’t sound like you like them much (and that’s fine, we don’t all have to like everyone), so it’s probably best all round if you go out and leave them to it. You’ll struggle to make it look like you’re enjoying yourself and they’ll probably pick up on it.

Just seen your update- in that case I’d refuse point blank. Are they planning on all getting high with the baby in the corner?

@Watermelondoesntbelonginasalad No, shes breastfeeding so she wont be getting high

You don't like your dp's friends and you both have different ideas about how to enjoy yourselves, I agree that you don't sound very compatible. Though I do understand about wanting out of the house when you work from home.

Some of the comments here though are strange. There's a world of difference between going out and getting rat arsed and sitting in someone's living room making small talk for hours on end Having friends round is generally not a case of making small talk all night.

@Watermelondoesntbelonginasalad That's absolutely it! I like the stimulation of being out and as you say, the control of ending my evening when I want my evening to end.

I am going to take one for the team this weekend as it's the first time the baby will be round, so okay, but I'll be honest it does make me question our compatibility in the long term as there are quite a few very important practical things we clash on. It's such a massive shame though because we do get on so well.

Stoners are boring. Go out and have some fun!