To think that women going on holiday to places like Tunisia should be warned

[Moomin8]

By holidays reps About these men who are waiters / bar staff / animation workers looking to get money from older (or younger) western women by this 'Bezness' culture?

My friend is 40 and met a Tunisian guy who is 24 - he was working in the Tui hotel resort she was holidaying in. He's just asked her to marry him and she's considering moving her two little dds to Tunisia. Cue photos of diamond encrusted gold engagement ring. She has only spent about 3 separate weeks with him!

She will want to believe he's different I guess. But really, what I hear is that these men are sometimes players of a very long game, will keep up the act for 3 years or more to get what they want (a visa, or money / access to wife's possessions so that he can then afford to go back to Tunisia and pay the dowry for his 'real' wife).

I don't think people are aware of just how these people operate. My friend is a vulnerable person. My heart sank when she announced the engagement 🤦🏻‍♀️

third world country

Unless you are privy to information that there are 3 literal different worlds then you could at least afford respect to the countries you speak of by addressing them by name. This 'first' world country is rife with child poverty, austerity causing women to have sex for £5 a pop, unaffordable housing, a far-right government. So don't think just because Ocado does deliveries on Sunday mornings we are living in luxury.

People who fall for it tell themselves it’s different because they want to believe it. No amount of warning could prevent it in my opinion

Absolutely accurate. It’s pointless warning these clueless women.

They just don't see themselves as wealthy so they don't "get" the motivation.

Exactly. There are additionally plenty of British people married to EU nationals where the relationship works well. Which might stop someone from considering that the balance isn't the same everywhere else in the world for economic / cultural and religious reasons for starters.

I went to Tunisia this year and got chatted up by the barman at the hotel. I'm not older either, I'm 29. He then asked to add me on facebook, I said no.

Your friend needs to get a bit of common sense to be honest. If you're silly enough to let a young foreign waiter fleece you then that's on you.

But unfortunately I think some women mistakenly think that marrying a man from a third world country is no more risky than marrying an Italian guy or a German guy etc.

I mean, I'd also not believe it was true love if a 40-something friend of mine came back from Italy and announced that a handsome but dirt poor twenty something had proposed marriage after three weeks and they were going to live happily ever after.

I would feel more sorry for her DDs to be honest. She has a choice, they don't. I would not want to bring up children in Tunisia.

Your friend is an idiot

So don't think just because Ocado does deliveries on Sunday mornings we are living in luxury.

What?? FYI I don't think the U.K. is a particularly desirable place to live. Especially at the moment. I hate this government as much as the next person. It's simply disingenuous to not recognise that all countries have different problems though.

People can be warned, but if they are so inclined, they will always be "the exception".

It's true for men and women.

I guess she has been swept off her feel in a holiday romance setting.

Very apt analogy.

In what way is your friend a vulnerable adult?

If I explain fully it could be very outing for her. She doesn't have learning difficulties though.

What?? FYI I don't think the U.K. is a particularly desirable place to live.

Compared to many many places on earth it is an extremely desirable place to live. Hence all the people risking their lives to come here.

@Moomin8
I think that if women were warned before hand it would put them on their guard. Once they've head all the sweet nothings sense goes out of the window.

A woman who falls for this wouldn’t head a warning. Her man is always different.

If a warning would work, then she would be as sensible To not fall for it, and not need the warning, see?

If a women is that utterly stupid then she deserves it. No one needs to warn women about anything. You are beyond help If you need someone to tell you this. No sympathy.

Sadly, there's no cure for stupid. Your friend is daft as a brush.

FYI I don't think the U.K. is a particularly desirable place to live.

Even at the poverty level, it's much more desirable than many places on Earth.

I mean, I'd also not believe it was true love if a 40-something friend of mine came back from Italy and announced that a handsome but dirt poor twenty something had proposed marriage after three weeks and they were going to live happily ever after.

Yes but that doesn't happen does it? And there isn't a word to describe that dynamic. I suppose the reason why has to do with the fact that freedom of movement allows EU citizens to work where they want (I am not in favour of Brexit but that's another thread)

This has being going on for years. In the 80's I was travelling around Turkey and staying with Dutch/Turkish friends who had a small hotel there. Quite a lot of locals popped in for coffee and one particular 20 something man said he loved Tuesdays as it was fucky fucky day aka flights coming in from the UK. He was quite open about wanting to meet a 'rich older woman' from the UK so that he could end up getting a visa.

There are countless stories in the media and online about this, they are hard to miss.

Compared to many many places on earth it is an extremely desirable place to live. Hence all the people risking their lives to come here.

No-one said anything contradictory to this. All that was said was to refrain from using offensive degrading terms to describe other countries. And additionally that the UK indeed has its own ills.

Instead of making the obvious point about this man, delve into other thought provoking questions.

Where they will live? - Is there enough space for her DDs?
Where will her DC go to school?
Her willingness to possibly convert to a different religion?
Can he afford to provide for her and her DC?
Is he willing to move to UK to cause minimum disruption to her DDs?
Can she adjust to not being able to be as independent there? (going out alone/driving)

I find it very disturbing that she wants to drag her children to Tunisia.

(Wonder if they'll even get residence, anyway).

But like any other relationship, some work, some do not. I know someone married over 40 years to someone she met on a beach on holiday. They are grandparents now.

I myself was married to someone I met abroad. Divorced with a grown-up son now. I wouldn't have changed that for the world.

And, reading through threads on MN, there seems to be more than enough cocklodgers in UK!

One of the books I have on my bookshelf is about exactly this.

www.amazon.co.uk/Romance-Road-Jeannette-Belliveau/dp/096523441X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Why is 'third world' offensive? What is correct - developing countries?

The only explanation that I can find online is that the term 'third world' has evolved to mean something different to what it first did in the Cold War era

'As a society, the term “third world country” refers to countries with high mortality rates, especially infant mortality rates. They also have an unstable and inconsistent economy. These are countries that contain massive amounts of poverty and in some cases have fewer natural resources than other nations throughout the world. These countries often have to rely on more industrialized countries to aid them and help stabilize their economy.'

Usually if something is offensive it's because of how it has been used in the past (eg terms relating to apartheid/ terms that were used to denigrate individuals / races etc)

People need to take responsibility for their own stupidity.

Even on here if a poster posts that she’s met a bloke on match.com and he’s the one and they know they want to be together after just three dates they are told to step back and get a bloody grip of themselves.

And let’s be honest here, why would most twenty something men who can have their pick of women on holiday want to fall in love with a woman who is old enough to be their mother? Most men simply aren’t interested in a relationship with such a vastly older women, in fact most younger women wouldn’t be interested in a relationship with a man that much older either.

The problem is that on some very rare occasions these relationships do work out. And so these gullible women look at those examples and think that they too will be that one that is meant to be.

FWIW I know someone who met a man from another country over the internet and travelled over there to see him. They were engaged within days and married the next time she went over there.

Everyone said that he was only with her for a visa. She has some significant health problems, no money as a result and so it could be argued that he could have found someone else if he’d wanted his visa.

But everyone was adamant that was what it was. Said that he’d be off as soon as he got the visa. That was nine years ago and he’s still around, her health has deteriorated, she categorically doesn’t have any money and he’s the one who has worked, paid for his own training etc and is the breadwinner. Visa came through years ago so if he had an agenda he hasn’t shown it after nine years. And he’s actually quite a nice bloke.

But while people like her exist, others will always think that they too could be that one.

It’s not unlike MLM. You invest in something and lure many others into your product. Someone in your chain will make money, but the rest won’t in fact they’ll lose money. But that one person can then be upheld as sales tool.

If a women is that utterly stupid then she deserves it

Not sure her children do though ...