To think that women going on holiday to places like Tunisia should be warned

[Moomin8]

By holidays reps About these men who are waiters / bar staff / animation workers looking to get money from older (or younger) western women by this 'Bezness' culture?

My friend is 40 and met a Tunisian guy who is 24 - he was working in the Tui hotel resort she was holidaying in. He's just asked her to marry him and she's considering moving her two little dds to Tunisia. Cue photos of diamond encrusted gold engagement ring. She has only spent about 3 separate weeks with him!

She will want to believe he's different I guess. But really, what I hear is that these men are sometimes players of a very long game, will keep up the act for 3 years or more to get what they want (a visa, or money / access to wife's possessions so that he can then afford to go back to Tunisia and pay the dowry for his 'real' wife).

I don't think people are aware of just how these people operate. My friend is a vulnerable person. My heart sank when she announced the engagement 🤦🏻‍♀️

I understand your concerns, but yabu, your friend is doing this with her eyes wide open. She is a grown women with children. I'm in my 40's and men in their 20's approach me on a regular basis - very clearly looking for sex. My response is always the same - NO. And for the more persistent idiots I add in the sentence "I've got pants older than you".

Your friend has made her decision, you can be a friend and support her regardless of the outcome (her fiance is a scammer or it's true love), or you can walk away.

I am sure the folk of Tunisia seem perfectly nice as long as they aren't trying to scam a tourist. Do genuine men exist there who don't have an agenda?

Are you for real, @Moomin8, or is this merely a racist wind-up to see who you can get to bite?

Either way, kindly reconsider your statement above & wind your neck in, or FOTTFSOFATFOSM. HTH.

I should add that you could have warned her from here to Christmas and I doubt she'd have heeded it. He told her what she wanted/needed to hear, and I daresay she'd have convinced herself that this was different to all those other women, he was the one etc. etc.

I think the risks of finding partners in Tunisia and other places are really well known and I don't think people would listen if they haven't taken on board the risks already. I don't think anyone sensible would meet someone in their own country and 3 weeks later consider moving in with them and moving DCs let alone another country. They have lost all reason and probably feel flattered - hence even if you beg them not to do it they will. And after all these women are adults and should be responsible for making their own minds up.

They're holiday reps, not teachers on a school trip.

l was once talking to a woman at a mutual friend's party. She was a social worker (so l assumed reasonably intelligent), with two grown up children still living at home. She told me that she'd been on holiday and met a much younger Turkish man, they were engaged, and soon to be married. She was furious that her children weren't happy, and said that they were only bothered about losing their home and inheritance.
To be fair, l can't say l blame them. She seemed totally besotted and didn't understand at all that they were concerned for her, and also that if she married this man, he'd have a claim to her home and her assets.
l never found out what happened, but a few years ago, almost every week, there'd be an article in one of the women's weekly magazines about a very similar situation. One was a woman in her seventies who had been going to marry a 25 year old. He bled her dry financially. lt's astonishing that it's still going on after all this time, you'd think the penny would have dropped by now.

I'm not really sure that the holiday company's duty of care extends to the specifics of this scenario.

My real worry is that someone so plainly clueless was allowed to have children.

but I heard on the grapevine a while later that the 'marriage' had broken down and then it transpired that they weren't really married in the first place as it was all done in Egypt and she hadn't fully understood the ceremony

I have never been to egypt. Even I know this happens and that marriages there can be 'unofficial'.

The woman arrested smuggling tramadol into egypt, for her husband was found d to be not legally married to him. He was legally married to someone else.

This is on our TV quite often. If you are entering, what you think is a legal contract in another country it's your responsibility to find out what's what

What sort of warning would you expect op?
An announcement on the plane after the safety lecture. ". in the unlikely event of the plane landing on water, use this life jacket with a whistle and tube to blow into. By the way, please be careful when you meet a handsome stranger and he vows eternal love for you, be aware that he might not be telling the truth. This is a non smoking flight and we have delicious pre packed sandwiches and over priced drinks for you today. Enjoy your visit to wherever and watch out for those local bad boys."

Thing is, this guy is not even handsome tbh 🙈🙈

Is this merely a racist wind-up to see who you can get to bite?

How is it racist to say that this culture exists? Or are you saying it does not exist?

Tunisian and Turkish men have been doing this for years. Someone at work back in the early 90s, was all exited because she was going to marry her Turkish boyfriend and she was going to move out there and live happily ever after.
She left work and went off to start her new life...
He dumped her when he found out that she wasn't going to marry him and move to the UK.

This happened in my family. I tried to advise caution but was told I was “jealous because I’m going to have a young handsome husband and you are stuck with a boring DH.”

Suffice to say their “relationship” lasted nine months, five of which they were married but living in different countries.

He emptied her bank account, made off with heirloom jewellery and only surfaced five years later to demand £20,000.

Why is your friend "vulnerable"? She's a 40 year old mum. She sounds absurdly naive, but not vulnerable. She should know better. She is twice his age. This is on her.

If anyone is stupid or naive enough to fall for this type of thing a warning will do nothing. And someone who is stupid enough to uproot their young children like that definitely wouldn't listen to a warning.

Everyone knows this type of thing happens, I always think the people who fall for this are the same ones who fall for phishing scams.

I am not anti - Tunisia. At all. But from what I've heard, Hammamet is a hot bed for such things.

It is not racist to be concerned about that and is not the same thing as saying that all Tunisians are scammers.

@P1nkHeartLovesCake Totally agree. There's no cure for stupidity.

How is it racist to say that this culture exists? Or are you saying it does not exist?
It isn't racist to say it exists.
It is racist to presume that it is a cultural norm, it is racist to paint the entire "folk of Tunisia" as "perfectly nice so long as they aren't trying to scam a tourist" & is is the height of racist, ignorant, bigotry to need to enquire, of an entire country, whether it contains any genuine men.

These are your words OP: "I am sure the folk of Tunisia seem perfectly nice as long as they aren't trying to scam a tourist. Do genuine men exist there who don't have an agenda?"

If you are genuinely still posing your question above:
There are over 11 million people living in Tunisia. I think it's safe to assume that somewhere in the region of 11 to 12 million Tunisians are "genuine", i.e. not dedicating their lives to scamming the more idiotic visitors to their country.

What is animation work in this context?

I would think the father of her DC may have a view about her leaving the country with his DC?

I think she's allowed to make her own stupid mistakes and accept the consequences. But she's thinking of taking her 2 DDS with her, who will then be vulnerable to exploitation. That's the real problem.

It is racist to presume that it is a cultural norm

But it apparently is a cultural norm fgs. In certain holiday resorts. Because in Tunisia it is quite simply unthinkable to a man and his family that he would marry a woman 10 plus years his senior and one who already has children by another man! It is not acceptable. And I hear that relationships of that dynamic are almost always a scam.

@nycfrog animation in this context means staff who are hired within a hotel to organise sports, activities and kids clubs for the hotel guests.

she's thinking of taking her 2 DDS with her, who will then be vulnerable to exploitation. That's the real problem.

Of course it is 😢 it's a car crash waiting to happen and there isn't anything I (or anyone else) can do about it.

Jeez, I say let her do what she wants, but she's obviously got her head in the clouds if she thinks uprooting her two DD's lives is a good idea.

Where is the dad in all of this? If I was a man and my ex wanted to move my dc abroad for a man she barely knew, I'd be doing what I could to stop her.