To think that women going on holiday to places like Tunisia should be warned

[Moomin8]

By holidays reps About these men who are waiters / bar staff / animation workers looking to get money from older (or younger) western women by this 'Bezness' culture?

My friend is 40 and met a Tunisian guy who is 24 - he was working in the Tui hotel resort she was holidaying in. He's just asked her to marry him and she's considering moving her two little dds to Tunisia. Cue photos of diamond encrusted gold engagement ring. She has only spent about 3 separate weeks with him!

She will want to believe he's different I guess. But really, what I hear is that these men are sometimes players of a very long game, will keep up the act for 3 years or more to get what they want (a visa, or money / access to wife's possessions so that he can then afford to go back to Tunisia and pay the dowry for his 'real' wife).

I don't think people are aware of just how these people operate. My friend is a vulnerable person. My heart sank when she announced the engagement 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP you say she is planning to move there. Let me consult my crystal ball... I predict that very soon afterwards HE will want them to live in the UK, so he can get a visa. Funnily enough it always seems to go that way.

Exactly @TildaKauskumholm - usually the guy will start out by asking the woman to live with him and his family to make the situation appear authentic.

The warning would be the same as for men who go to certain lengths to find a wife.

"Warning: if you go out of your way to seek out the worst and most mercenary people you can find, you might succeed"

I think it's naive to not see that men and women really aren't the same in terms of their motivations in relationships or their approach to them and societal expectations are also different.

The reason older men go after younger women is that it's a biological urge and also kudos for them to have a beautiful younger partner. It simply doesn't work the same way in reverse and it's disingenuous to say it does imo. My friend genuinely thinks this man is the love of her life. Women tend to have a desire to settle down. Not always, but generally.

When she started flirting with him, she didnt think he was the love of her life.

Lots of those men do it because it's an easy way to get companionship with and attractive you get woman. Which is exactly what your friend is doing.

Stop painting women as poor unfortunate souls who arent blame for dor their own actions.

Economically, she has the power. She, at the beginning was using that to take advantage of him. Now he is taking advantage of her and conned her into thinking he loves her.

I get you dont want to think of her as a sex tourist. But she is.

The reason older men go after younger women is that it's a biological urge and also kudos for them to have a beautiful younger partner.

And you don't think she has biological urges and isn't flattered by a younger partner?

I think you're doing an awful lot of assuming @Anotherlongdrive

I think you are doing an awful lot of assuming when you dont seem to know much about the issue.

Who would warn her? You? You've done that. Has she paid any attention? Of course not. You cannot prevent people from deluding themselves viz. Brexit. The triumph of hope over reason.

I am part of some online communities that look at UK visas for non EU residents with a British partner. I was surprised to see that most people posting had partners in Tunisia.

I was surprised to see that most people posting had partners in Tunisia.

Hopefully not the same partners.

I get you dont want to think of her as a sex tourist. But she is

This with bells on.

The reason older men go after younger women is that it's a biological urge and also kudos for them to have a beautiful younger partner. It simply doesn't work the same way in reverse and it's disingenuous to say it does imo. My friend genuinely thinks this man is the love of her life. Women tend to have a desire to settle down. Not always, but generally.

You're making sweeping generalisations just so you can excuse your friend's shoddy and idiotic behaviour. Women too have 'biological urges' to be with fit young men and some women also like to parade these men as trophies. And if she's desperate to 'settle down', why doesn't she look for a British man around her own age?

She's the one holding all the cards here. At the end of her holiday, she can step on the plane, go back to her relatively rich home country and never see this bloke again. It's kind of laughable how you are trying to make out as though she deserves pity.

Warnings to women would be patronising and sexist.

Warnings against Tunisian men would be racist.

Is that not obvious?

I get you dont want to think of her as a sex tourist. But she is

Yep.

I'm in the Caribbean and mostly middle-aged women are on the prowl here for young fit men all the time. These predators know their money is what draws young poverty stricken men.

A man prowling for young women in similar circumstances would be rightly scorned. Women shouldn't be given a pass. If they choose to buy a man then let them pay the price in more ways than one

Economically, she has the power

Of course she has; after all he almost certainly wouldn't be bothering if she didn't have any money

I'm not sure I'd call it exploitation of either of them, though - or if it is, there's nothing to stop either backing out. For all the talk about the "poor and desperate", some of them are no such thing by local standards ... in fact some are just plain greedy

Some may be plain greedy.

But most are poor. OP keeps saying her friend is vulnerable but it actually just spinds like she has a history of making poor relationship decision.

I agree they are both taking advantage of each other. And thats the point. It's just that she has developed feelings. If she had shagged him and not developed feeling I bet she would be moving onto another young man on another trip there..
Which is why holiday companies are not going to start wanting to warn women as they will have to point what they are doing is wrong too.

I can't believe people still fall for this shit.

I don't want to generalise (but I will!) don't most of these women fall within a demographic that read a certain type of magazine? This crap is in them all the time. How do they not know this already??

(Grumpy cos I'm on nights and have very little patience...)

There are plenty of horror stories like this and have been for decades.

Surely people know about this kind of thing generally.

Isn't it just being careful in your every day life?!

She doesn’t get to be vulnerable with two young children to look after. She needs to have a word with herself.

If your the type of person to fall for this then your not going to listen to holiday reps or anyone else.

I think you might be the one making assumptions anotherlongdrive Poverty can make people desperate but the men we’re talking about aren’t struggling for survival in the slums of Nairobi: they’re living in a politically and economically stable middle income country and for the most part they seem to have employment which puts them ahead of many of the men in their age group. For the most part they’re not desperate - they just want to move up the global wealth ladder and don’t care too much what they have to do to get there.

I do get what people are saying although I don't think she's a 'sex tourist'. A sex tourist is someone who only goes on holiday for sex. She's been going on holiday for years with her dds and this never happened before. She always goes alone on these holidays just with the children.

The thing is, it's perfectly possible for people to have successful relationships with others of another nationality. But it's much more difficult and less likely to be genuine when the cultures don't mix to the extent that there is in this case. I'm thinking that this is why she doesn't realise. Obviously her children are likely to be the main victims of this is, indeed a scam 😢

actually just spinds like she has a history of making poor relationship decision.

Yes, I don't disagree with this.

She's been going on holiday for years with her dds and this never happened before. She always goes alone on these holidays just with the children.

She was on holiday, as the only adult, with 2 'young' daughters. She met struck up enough of a relationship with this man to become involved and shagged him.

Who was looking after the young daughters?

OP, she went away, to a country you admit you know this happens in. She knows it happens in. She will know that economically very poor people feel driven to do this. She knows her relative wealth makes her more attractive to these men. She tried to use this to her advantage. But ended up with feelings.

With all due respect, she may have done this before but not got emotionally involved. You may just not know. She may not wanted to have admitted she is shagging people she barely knows while in sole charge of her 'young' kids.

She knew what she was doing, but got too involved. They have both tried to take advantage of each other.

It’s a tale as old as time and sadly these women will never listen and never learn.
You can tell her but she’ll ignore you as she enjoys the attention she gets from him.
Nothing more you can do and certainly not the job of the holiday company to earn gullible women not to fall for slimy waiters who just want their money ..