To think that women going on holiday to places like Tunisia should be warned

[Moomin8]

By holidays reps About these men who are waiters / bar staff / animation workers looking to get money from older (or younger) western women by this 'Bezness' culture?

My friend is 40 and met a Tunisian guy who is 24 - he was working in the Tui hotel resort she was holidaying in. He's just asked her to marry him and she's considering moving her two little dds to Tunisia. Cue photos of diamond encrusted gold engagement ring. She has only spent about 3 separate weeks with him!

She will want to believe he's different I guess. But really, what I hear is that these men are sometimes players of a very long game, will keep up the act for 3 years or more to get what they want (a visa, or money / access to wife's possessions so that he can then afford to go back to Tunisia and pay the dowry for his 'real' wife).

I don't think people are aware of just how these people operate. My friend is a vulnerable person. My heart sank when she announced the engagement 🤦🏻‍♀️

Some women aged 40 look and feel very young and menopause feels a long way off.
I'm amused how wise and unattractive i'm meant to be for being 40!
That said its such a well known scam and getting engaged after a short time is silly and i doubt you'd warn someone. The only possibikity is foreign office has warnings about countries such as risk of violence. Maybe they could add this to that page

Do genuine men exist there who don't have an agenda?

Yes. I hooked up with an utterly charming guy out there about 30 years ago. I know he wanted to sleep with me but it didn't happen but he remained just as charming until the day I left. Of course there are shysters out in these places, same as there are abusive bastards over here. But please don't tar them all with the same brush.

Is the father of the dds involved? The best hope is probably for him to oppose her taking them out of the country - that might make her think twice.

I do think that your friend is also being a sex tourist. She doesn’t think she is, however you just cannot go to another country and not educate yourself. It’s on her and it is scary thinking she will bring the kids there.

She’s exploiting him. And he’s exploiting her.

I cannot believe people are still falling for this age old crap.

Her poor kids.

Very difficult situation but surely everyone knows that if you're a 40 something woman and 24 year old men don't chat you up in the UK that it's very suspicious when they do so abroad. I'd have a straight forward conversation with your friend and outline your concerns for both her and her children. Does she have form for crazy behaviour?

It's very sad that a woman can get to age 40 and be so naive and gulliable, these sorts of scenarios are playing out all the time all over the place. I'm sorry she's vulnerable, is that in a learning difficulties sort of way? otherwise she ought to have developed some more nous.

And yes I worry just as much about vulnerable men. A guy I know who has significant mental health challenges, he’s just met an African woman online, the whole situation is ringing alarm bells (and of course online there’s no proof even that she is who she says she is, never mind genuine). I don’t know what warnings people would listen too though.

YABU to expect tour companies to take any responsibility for this. Your friend is old enough to google this type of thing. Do any of these relationships ever not end in tears? Shirley Valentine does not count

OP you di realise man of these men are vulnerable as well?

Their poverty makes them vulnerable.

Do you think reps should warn women of a certain age, that actually these men are very poor and desperate. If you go down this and keep giving them money you are a punter, paying for sex?

Should reps warn women it's not ok to exploit someones poverty for sex?

Women should be warned that if something seems too good to be true- hot young stud desperate in love- it probably is?

She should have more sense. People like this wont listen to warnings. What have you said to her OP? Surely as her friend you should be brutally honest?

You're being silly. Do you also expect someone who has nothing to do with anything to warn women who stay in the UK that sometimes men can be users? Or is it only foreign men that will try and get something for nothing? Would you extend that warning of 'use some common sense while going about your life' to men who are used for money by women?

If a person is old enough to be travelling abroad alone, then they are old enough to make their own mistakes.

Should we warn older men going to Thailand for example of the same thing? Beware the young gorgeous women? Or no because a) it's their ego and b) exploitation?

I'm going to out myself a bit now but I'm married to a man from a 3rd world country. We met while I worked out there, there is a small age gap between us 3/4 years. I knew there was a risk that he just wanted a Visa, I lost all my friends getting him into the UK as without meeting him everyone decided it was a sham. He's had indefinite leave to remain in the UK for 5 years and we've been married for 12 years. My 'friends' still dont believe he loves me

I never said it was the holiday company's fault. Just that they must know it goes on, and could therefore warn people in the same way they might pick-pockets 🤷🏻‍♀️

think that if women were warned before hand it would put them on their guard

The type of stupid woman who falls for this and is willing to uproot her and her children like this after a few weeks is not going to be the type to listen to any warning. It's not the holiday companies fault that women fall for this.

Should we warn older men going to Thailand for example of the same thing?

No because in any of these situations the man almost always has the upper hand. Not least because they are never the ones with a young family with them who have everything to lose.

At this early stage I'm sure my friend is not paying for a thing. He will be doing all the 'right' things. Until he gets what he wants.

It's hardly on the reps to point these things out. They're not relationship counsellors ( ex rep here )

For what it's worth I think you're right OP. A family friend got taken in and it was just so sad to see an otherwise smart woman lose her senses to a scammer. It is a scam so no harm in priming people to be on the look out. It won't stop it happening but maybe people will be more wary.

There is a love rats documentary on YouTube about a 70 something year o!x woman who was married to a 22 year old Tunisian man. He was totally amazing, great in bed, fantastic at everything but after 2 years wanted a divorce as he kept getting rejected for a UK visa. The woman said it's such a shame as he's so in love with her but just can't stand the distance There e are none as blind as those who don't want to see.

OP make sure your friend has eggs in her UK basket before going out there. I was on holiday in Hammamet this year, fab people, very respectful, but the economic situation there is horrendous and the liquidation of Thomas Cook will make it even worse. It will be a massive shock to her system let alone two small dds. These stories have been in Take a Break every week for the last30 years, I can't see what a holiday rep could add.
I met a elderly German tourist who has a young boyfriend there and travels to see him a few times per year. She said that hotels do not permit Tunisian men to stay in rooms with foreign women so it was impacting on her sex life. The country are trying hard to move away from the stereotypical love rat image and local men working in hotels will lose their job if found in this situation.

@Newhomenewarea I guess yours was one of the rare situations that works out BUT 3-5 years age difference would be acceptable in his culture but not 16 years iyswim.

But this is hardly a secret? You'd have to be a spectacular kind of moron to fall for it.

'Moron' is a bit harsh, there.

She's had a lot of failed relationships in the U.K. I guess she has been swept off her feel in a holiday romance setting.

I suspect this happened to someone I used to know. She went on holiday to Egypt and met a younger chap who was all over her (metaphorically and, I suspect, literally). She came back to the UK and he was love bombing her on FB - literally everything she posted had a response from him about how much he loved her and how she was the light of his life, even if she was posting about the weather.

She posted on social media that she'd married him (to which we were all a bit 'WTF?' as she'd only known him a few months) but I heard on the grapevine a while later that the 'marriage' had broken down and then it transpired that they weren't really married in the first place as it was all done in Egypt and she hadn't fully understood the ceremony.

Sad really, because she wasn't in a good place at the time and I suspect the ego boost of a younger chap after her was just too enticing to ignore.

I think that the reps should warn people.

& I think the Reps' bosses would give them a written warning for compromising any hard selling they might be targeted to achieve, if they were to start negging certain destinations.
So that's not going to happen.

I'm interested though, as to why the OP is specifically anti-Tunisia.
Sometimes mature/older women get hit on by wannabe toyboys.
This happens all over the globe.
Sometimes ... brace yourselves ... it happens in the UK! Yes, young British men, looking to get a paid-for ride out of a wealthier, older British woman!

The solution isn't to expect a commercial organisation, which frankly doesn't give a shit about its customers so long as they keep paying & don't post any bad reviews, to take responsibility for some fairly standard, if unpleasant, human behaviour.
The solution is for women to wise the fuck up.

If a 'love affair' with a younger man feels almost too good to be true ... you can bet your bottom dollar it isn't, & somebody is being used.
If you are dumb enough to meet someone on holiday - anywhere in the world - & imagine that undying love can happen in 2 weeks flat, so long as you keep paying for it, that's hardly the holiday rep's fault is it?