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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby to go on holiday...

218 replies

Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 10:59

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
Deadringer · 29/10/2019 00:51

I have done it, no regrets.

AwkwardFucker · 29/10/2019 01:11

Yeah children could get really sick while you're away, imagine that with a flight to organise.

This could be true for anyone/any family member/any age child. You never meant to go anywhere ever again when you become a parent in case they get sick? The flight is still going to be the same amount of time whether it’s a four year old or a fourteen year old.

So you could drop down dead tomorrow so let’s spend less time with our babies

Spend your time however you like, just don’t say weird shit like “plenty of time”. Grin

ExhaustedFlamingo · 29/10/2019 02:23

The judgement on this post is unbelievable.

On one hand, there's accusations being thrown around about not loving your children if you go. On the other, if you don't want to leave a young baby for the best part of a week, you're pathetic and clingy.

As far as I can see, you just need to answer a few basic questions:

  1. Will you be able to relax, unwind and enjoy your holiday without missing/worrying about your young children for six whole days? It's going to feel quite a bit longer than just a weekend away and you're quite the distance from them.

  2. What is your baby like? You say your older child loves going to the grandparents, what about the baby? Is she clingy? Have you left her for extended periods with her grandparents without seeing her ie/a night or two?

  3. How much stress will it cause your parents? Six days is a long time to look after two very young children.

  4. If your child got sick/hurt - and I mean more than a sniffly nose, I'm referencing hospital - how would you cope? Might take a while to organise a flight and then to travel back - would you be a wreck?

I think those are the questions you need to honestly ask yourself. My children both have special needs and panic if I go out, even for a couple of hours so my perspective is totally skewed. To my ears, six days without her parents seems like a long time for a baby that's under a year old. She won't understand what's happening or where you are, and six days will be a very long time without seeing you......but you know your baby. As I said, my experience of parenting is so different I can't really judge what would be normal.

TildaTurnip · 29/10/2019 06:42

No I wouldn’t.

-The separation anxiety is an issue at that age.
-I wouldn’t expect anyone to look after my children for that long, a one year old is not always easy overnight, especially for people used to sleep.
-GPs will feel obliged to say yes (as some have pointed out on this thread) and you’ll never know if they do or don’t.
-I would miss the children.
-For me, a holiday isn’t a reason to leave them for that long.
I feel sorry for people who feel they can’t take a break for a few days from their children who are being lovingly cared for by GPs. No wonder so many marriages fall apart as seems it’s popular to completely martyr yourself to DCs
ODFOD.

ChilledBee · 29/10/2019 06:50

GPs I know are happy to lay down boundaries. Just go. Fuck what most these people on here think. Have you seen half the shit they say? Don't pee when you have a newborn. Make rules for your husband because he's a selfish pig and you need to change him. It's fine to stop having sex with your spouse - they don't need it. These are people destined for miserable marriages, infidelity and if they're lucky, divorce. Go on holiday. Your kids will be fine.

missyoumuch · 29/10/2019 06:58

ChilledBee a lot of women who think that being all over their DCs at the expense of everything else including their health and their relationship with their partner, is the definition of good parenting.

By the reactions here you'd think OP was asking if she should leave her DCs in an orphanage for a week, not with their grandparents.

Whether or not you would do it personally, OP is not being even remotely neglectful or irresponsible and if you see it that way, you need help.

Rachie1973 · 29/10/2019 06:58

I’d go in a heartbeat! My kids were used to being with their grandparents so were secure and showed no anxiety.

I think if you’re happy, and grandparents are happy then go for it xxx

OhTheRoses · 29/10/2019 07:00

Actually I think the issue here is the 4 year old who may well have just settled into school. Then the stamina of the grandparents - I'm nearly 60 and whilst I work full time in a senior role, physically I don't think I could keep up with a baby and 4 year old. Then the baby.

When I read the thread I thought the op meant a short City break according to my definition. 24-48 hours somewhere in Europe with an airtime of 1-2 hours. Nearly a week, long haul is not a short break imo.

I think the op needs to have a quiet think about her priorities.

ChilledBee · 29/10/2019 07:13

My priority is always to be a balanced and stable mother.

I think some people's priorities is to keep up appearances but actually they don't give much of a shit about whether their presence is a positive or not. I mean,who would want to be parented by an exhausted loon who hasn't had a shag for years and uses you as their only source of intimacy and affection since their husband can barely stand them any more?

OhTheRoses · 29/10/2019 07:21

And your post is directed to whom chilledBee. If you vocabulary doesn't extend beyond shit and shag that's sad.

ChilledBee · 29/10/2019 07:24

It was directed at exhausted loons who pack intimacy with their husbands because they are so busy trying to seem like a good mum when actually they're just anxious and lonely.

ChilledBee · 29/10/2019 07:24

Pack=lack. They do and they and pack it though, and their husbands just ignore them.

DonkeyHotty · 29/10/2019 07:30

No I wouldn’t have done it then. I appreciate that everyone has their own ways and I admit I’ve always been on the soppy side when it comes to my dc (looks sideways at 15 year old dd asleep next to me Grin) but I’d have struggled with that.

Also I think it’s a MASSIVE ask of your parents.

Soontobe60 · 29/10/2019 07:32

My dd and her Dh have just been away for 6 nights whilst their ds (13months) was looked after by both sets of grandparents 50/50 in their house. He didn’t miss them at all. His routine didn’t change, they FaceTimed him every day (which he mainly ignored!) and he was very happy. They both missed him a lot, but it didn’t spoil their holiday. They’d do it again if they had the chance.
My advice, have your parents stay at yours so your dc have all their things around them. Go, have fun, and ignore those who try to judge you with their ‘oh dear, I’d NEVER leave my children until they’re 21’ comments.

oneoffname · 29/10/2019 07:33

If you are happy and confident that the arrangements are suitable and that your parents are happy and able to help, then go.

The number of people in here who are judging the parenting capabilities, how much you love your children, and telling you to rethink your priorities, is, imo, ridiculous and uncalled for.
FWIW, when dc1 was 12 weeks old, dh and I were offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to have a week's break, long-haul. My parents offered to have the baby and, after several discussions, we decided to go. I'm sure, that had MN existed at the time I would have been slated as a dreadful, unloving mother. But for us, it was a much needed opportunity to recharge our batteries after what had been the worst year/15 months of our lives up to that point. We had suffered a chain of stressful events and frankly, we were in our knees. We would never have gone looking for the opportunity that arose, but it came along at the right time. Having that break meant we were both better equipped to take care of our dc. And guess what? Dc1 is now in their thirties, was definitely not scarred by their experience and we have a loving relationship.
OP, the only people whose opinions matter, are you and your parents. Make sure the children are accustomed to spending nights with their gps and enjoy your break.

PeaBea · 29/10/2019 11:21

You know they'll be well cared for. You might miss each other - but not all the time. And it's ok if you do.
I'd definitely go. These opportunities are rare. You're a parent but you're also you and a partner too. Do something for you too.

Dreambigger · 29/10/2019 11:34

Go and have fun 😊

Glitterfisher · 29/10/2019 12:12

Oh the martyrs on this thread!

Go for it, they will probably have a lovely time with grandparents. I used to love staying at my GPs when my parents were away, we were really close.

Confusedbeetle · 29/10/2019 12:13

I did it and hated it. Missed my baby all the time

Glitterfisher · 29/10/2019 12:16

I should have added. This will of course only work if you are all happy about it. If the DCs are close to their grandparents, the GPs are totally happy with it then there is no reason it would be an issue. I actually found that the DCs and I missed each other more the older they were, under 6 they were mega excited about staying somewhere else.

Minai · 29/10/2019 13:14

I’d say it really depends on the baby.

I wouldn’t leave mine (10 months) as he is very clingy to me. I went away for one night a few months ago and he wouldn’t drink any milk (he is normally bottle fed so no change) for his dad who he adores. My now 2 year old ds would have been absolutely fine.

I haven’t left them overnight with anyone except their dad yet but we live far from our families and they only see their grandparents every few months. If we were closer and they saw them more often it would probably be easier!

If you baby is happy with grandparents and you will be able to relax and not worry while you are away I’d definitely do it.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 29/10/2019 13:19

Ds2 was 20 months old when me and his dad got married, I left him (and his sibs) with my parents for a week while we went on honeymoon. So if you and your parents are all happy with the plan then they should be fine. But equally I wouldn’t judge you / anyone if you didn’t want to.

popsadaisy · 29/10/2019 13:23

Personally I wouldn't go although I would want to if that makes any sense to anyone else? I know lots of Mum's who would do it but I have severe anxiety and the trip just wouldn't be enjoyable for me. I would love to not have anxiety and be able to do trips like that and leave my LG for a few days with my Mum. I think you need to follow your heart with this one!

Original poster
Newbie1999 · 29/10/2019 13:34

Thanks everyone, appreciated! Will need more time to think it over.

@OhTheRoses, I never said a ‘short’ break, I said a 6 night City break. Excuse me while I go and have a ‘quiet think about my priorities’ Hmm

OP posts:
HidingInTheKitchen · 29/10/2019 17:19

I would and have done - me and my husband went to a wedding in the US for 5 nights before our DD was 2 and then I have had a girls trip for 3 nights and a LOT of one night aways as I was quite determined to upkeep this part of my friendships and I have. You will get those who are completely against it and those that aren't. You can only do what you are comfortable with.

DD's grandparents (both sides) absolutely relish having our DD all to themselves so its a win win (with me constantly wanting videos and pictures of course)