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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby to go on holiday...

218 replies

Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 10:59

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
Fink · 28/10/2019 13:11

I left my 18 month old for a week with expressed milk. She had completely given up breastfeeding when I got back, not interested anymore.

If I had the chance again, I wouldn't go away for more than 1 night while child was breastfeeding.

Is there any chance you could take the baby with you? That would probably work out better for everyone:
baby is still with you, and too young to need entertaining in a touristy way
older child gets a lovely break with grandparents and time fun with them
you get your break with dh.

The long-haul flight with a baby isn't ideal, but it's better than leaving him/her for 6 nights.

lottieleo · 28/10/2019 13:12

Some of these responses 😂😂
I'd 100% go if I had the childcare. My children love spending time with my family and if they are willing to care for them. Taking a one week holiday without your children doesn't define how much you love them.
Can't abide people who "brag" that they have never spent a night away from their now 20year old DCs

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 28/10/2019 13:14

I wouldn't go because I would have missed my children too much.

If you are happy to leave them then go though, we are all different :)

BillieEilish · 28/10/2019 13:15

Nope, wouldn't go.

LucileDuplessis · 28/10/2019 13:19

I'd go if I were you!

Drabarni · 28/10/2019 13:20

Why was my post deleted, a parent comes on and says they don't love their kids. What do they expect others to say.
Because a person says they love their kids too much to leave them if someone wants to read something else into that, that's their problem and maybe their guilt.

BeardofZeus · 28/10/2019 13:23

I would, but thats because I’m doing this in a few months! Leaving DD with DM and DF for 6 nights. We’re spending a week with them before going to settle her into a routine there. She sees them monthly too due to distance but I am completely content that she will have the best time

NoSauce · 28/10/2019 13:23

Don’t be put off OP by all the posters saying they wouldn’t. They aren’t you and some of them might not have the same support network in place to feel comfortable going.

You are leaving them with loving grandparents not some 16 year old babysitter. They will be fine. I wouldn’t hesitate in going in your position.

RB68 · 28/10/2019 13:27

I would go but I have a large family that had my DD to stay frequently when she was small and she had no problem being with them but obviously she missed us as we had rapturous welcome homes lol. I don't think it does that huge amounts of harm

LolaLollypop · 28/10/2019 13:29

Definitely a personal choice. Also really demands on how your kids are with you not being around. My daughter has always been super confident without me, I would leave her and go on holiday with my other half. However I wouldn't go anywhere longer than a couple of hours flight so I can zoom back if needed. The whole point about getting away is that you have some alone time. It doesn't have to be that far away.

However, we took our daughter to Thailand last year (aged 1), she loved it! Asia is super kid-friendly (depending exactly where you're going but the majority would be fine to take a 4yr old / 1 yr old with you).

KitKat1985 · 28/10/2019 13:31

No I wouldn't sorry. 6 nights will feel like a lifetime to a 4 and 1 year old. And it's a long way away if either of the kids became sick or anything.

missbattenburg · 28/10/2019 13:32

Why was my post deleted, a parent comes on and says they don't love their kids. What do they expect others to say.

Because of the suggestion that adoption is the result of children not being loved enough, when in fact children are adopted for all kinds of complex reasons?

I once dated someone who was adopted and the heartsick fear that maybe he wasn't "loved enough" haunted him as an adult.

Squirrelplay · 28/10/2019 13:34

DH and I left our two year old and 10 month old with my mum for 8 days to go to Canada. My children were very familiar with my mum who looked after them when I worked and was essentially a third parent. I had absolutely no hesitation. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have left them but if you've trust your parents and more importantly if your children trust your parents and they have a close bond then go OP!

We had an absolutely amazing time, it was our only chance for a holiday with just the two of us for a very long time and it was very special and very needed! This was over a year ago and there were no ill effects on our DCs. They had a ball with grandma.

waterwaterwine · 28/10/2019 13:34

If you feel happy leaving them for the holiday then yes absolutely. I would and am planning on leaving my 7 month for a couple of nights.

DarlingNikita · 28/10/2019 13:37

YANBU, if only because of this: We left 4yo once for 4 nights when she was 3, for my husbands 40th bday trip - she was totally fine, she loves spending time with them.

I think they'll get spoiled rotten and they'll love it; you and DH will have a wonderful holiday; GPs will have spent serious quality time with the grandkids. Win-win!

Drabarni · 28/10/2019 13:40

miss
Ditto, so am I, which is why I suggested it.
Anyway, I obviously hit a nerve with the pp, we obviously have to be careful what we say in case random people take offence.

AwkwardFucker · 28/10/2019 13:42

Why was my post deleted, a parent comes on and says they don't love their kids. What do they expect others to say.

Do you have trouble understanding sarcasm or did you actually think AJ was saying she didn’t love her kids? 😂

I actually can’t tell if you’re being serious or not!

Beveren · 28/10/2019 13:44

Has the baby stayed overnight with them before? If not, it would be worth having a practice run. But in general I would say go for it - your parents are obviously perfectly capable.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 28/10/2019 13:44

I couldn't have done it when DS was that young, and probably still couldn't at 3 for that length of time, but I certainly wouldnt judge you for doing it. It's a personal preference. My DS had his first overnight stay at 1 yr and goes and stays round my Mums once a month or so, I'd probably be happy with 2/3 nights but not any more at the moment. Mainly as he is disturbed with sleep at the moment and I wouldn't feel it fair for my mum, plus he's very much a mummy's boy!

Squirrelplay · 28/10/2019 13:46

Keep in mind OP that of course there are genuinely people who wouldn't want to leave their DCs at this age and that's fine. But I imagine there are others posting who are overly anxious parents/ parents with no support network so little understanding of what that's like/ and other parents who are possibly jealous so are being negative. Just a thought!

I still say you should go Smile

FreckledLeopard · 28/10/2019 13:47

I'd go. I left DD with my mother when she was three while I went away to Asia for two weeks. She had a great time, I had a great time (and I then took her travelling with me the following year).

I really wouldn't worry - sounds like children will have a great time with grandparents and will be well looked after, and you'll get time with your husband.

Frankly I've relished the time on my own over the years, whether it be me going away, or DD going and staying at friends or on school trips. A bit of a break from children is most welcome.

Beveren · 28/10/2019 13:50

*@Drabami, before telling aj that she doesn't love her kids, do you think it might have been an idea to read her posts? You would then realise that she left her child overnight because she was in hospital, not because she hates her.

diddl · 28/10/2019 13:51

It doesn't really matter what others would do-or are you thinking more about being judged?

If your parents can easily cope & your kids would be well looked after, the why not?

Pinkblueberry · 28/10/2019 13:52

Sounds like a special opportunity that you don’t get often and it also sounds like you don’t exactly do this on a regular basis. I think it’s completely fine to go and it depends more on how you feel about OP as others said.

missyoumuch · 28/10/2019 13:59

I feel sorry for people who feel they can’t take a break for a few days from their children who are being lovingly cared for by GPs. No wonder so many marriages fall apart as seems it’s popular to completely martyr yourself to DCs, never go on a date with your partner, never take a break without the children.

If the GPs are reliable then go and enjoy. The 8 month old will not remember.

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