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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby to go on holiday...

218 replies

Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 10:59

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 28/10/2019 11:36

I am another one who wouldn't leave mine. DS has spent 5 nights without me in his life, 1 with my parents and we picked him up at 8am, the other 4 when I was in hospital with DD and he was at home with DH. He is nearly 3.

To us it isn't a holiday without the kids, we miss them when we are at work, we want to spend the little time we have off with them.

Once kids are more like school age, staying at grandparents or cousins is more of a fun adventure so we'll do it then!

MyDcAreMarvel · 28/10/2019 11:36

How do you know there will be plenty of time? You could drop dead tomorrow, or in a year, or at any time really
Well statistically there will be, are you always this morbid? Really odd thinking .

NoSauce · 28/10/2019 11:37

If you’ve got brilliant parents/in-laws then I don’t see why you wouldn’t. If your DC know their GP well and see them frequently, I’d say it was fine.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 28/10/2019 11:38

I travel a lot for work, and started doing so when my daughter was 9 months old, every week or two. I’ve found she’s always totally ok with the first 3 days (It’s me who isn’t!), but if I stretch a trip to 4 then she gets very clingy and weepy upon my return (she’s now 2.5 and 3 days is still our magic number). As a one-off, a longer trip is probably fine, but just know that your return might be challenging for a few days. I don’t know if I would jump at this opportunity but I don’t think you’re crazy to consider it!

ajandjjmum · 28/10/2019 11:44

To those who say 'I would never leave my baby overnight at that age', DD was born when DS was 15 months old.

I was hospitalised for the final six weeks, which meant that DS was literally sent to live with his godparents - fortunately he was used to staying there once each week, so it made the whole drama less traumatic for everyone.

Sometimes it can be helpful for important reasons for DC to not be completely dependent upon their parents.

butterandbread · 28/10/2019 11:44

My partner and I went away (2 hour flight) for 4 nights for our anniversary when our daughter was 8 months old, and we missed her terribly but it was a great trip for us as a couple and she loved spending time with her grandma. She sleeps through and was generally no trouble at all for a baby of that age, so I suppose it depends on the child, but I don’t think you’re unreasonable to consider it!

Magenta83 · 28/10/2019 11:46

I have to travel for work. Last year I went away for a week and took my husband. It was tough for me but my 8 month old didn't really care. He was well looked after by my PIL. I'm not sure I could have done it for a holiday but as he gets older we have left him with my parents for up to 4 days so far. It gets easier. I think it depends completely on how you feel.

Angelil · 28/10/2019 11:46

I would go away, but maybe not so far.
My husband and I went away for a long weekend when our baby was about 4 months old. It was long enough and we stayed within the UK (he was staying there with his British grandparents).
We had originally (before he was born) planned to maybe go to the US as we are bound to school holidays normally (I'm a teacher) and figured this would be our only opportunity to do this at such a good price and quiet time of year. But when it came to it, we felt it was too far to go.

VanillaSmile · 28/10/2019 11:47

It’s definitely a very personal choice. Do you think you’d be able to enjoy yourselves, or would you be worrying about the kids the whole time?

My husband’s cousin left her few month old with her mum for two weeks to go away on her honeymoon and had a lovely time because she fully trusted her Mum with the baby. No judgement, but I absolutely couldn’t. My little one is only a month old though, so I’m still at the stage where it’s hard to leave her with her dad for ten minutes while I shower.

BellatrixLestat · 28/10/2019 11:47

I think it depends on the baby. If there are no separation issues and they are comfortable with your parents, and you're not breastfeeding I can't see an issue.

We left DD with my parents when she was 8 months for 3 nights to attend a music festival. She was fine.

Heartofglass12345 · 28/10/2019 11:48

I don't get the difference between leaving them when they're 8 months old to 8 years old? If there's an emergency you are still however many hours away. It's not very likely to happen thought is it. We left my son with my sister for a week when he was 16 months old and he was fine although he did miss us but he's 6 now and obviously has no idea lol. I would go!

Applesanbananas · 28/10/2019 11:49

Everyone is different. I wouldn't and my son is 3.5. Have the kids ever stayed away from both of you overnight?

Drabarni · 28/10/2019 11:49

I wouldn't leave my kids to go on holiday. It would break my heart, especially a baby. I love them too much.
Each to their own though.

Celebelly · 28/10/2019 11:49

I think it's perfectly fine and actually a good thing to have child-free holidays. But it's whether a) you are comfortable going for that long and b) whether your baby is the kind of baby who can adapt. I think baby temperament matters a lot here.

lalafafa · 28/10/2019 11:50

I’d go.

CJsGoldfish · 28/10/2019 11:50

I would absolutely go.

Eemamc · 28/10/2019 11:53

The baby will be a year old though? I think I would definitely consider going. I think it’s good to have time together as a couple. We went away for 3 days in the summer and left our 18 month old with my parents. She was not at all bothered by our absence. They have her during the day once a week and have had a couple of overnights with them in the past. She is not bothered by us being away as she is so secure with my parents. I know that some of my nieces or nephews probably wouldn’t have coped well with this though. I guess it depends how they are when you’re away. If they are happy, then I would definitely consider it

Amber2019 · 28/10/2019 11:57

Entirely depends on you. Baby will be fine, it's what you can cope with, we went away for 2 nights when he was 1 and 5 nights at 18 months. Definitely good for you and your partner though, I love the moments away because we reconnect and it reminds us of us instead of the daily getting in with things. Our little ones grandparents often take home for a night or 2 though anyway when we are just at home so it's not really different, that's not because we ask, just because they love having him and he loves being with them.

Divebar · 28/10/2019 11:58

No I wouldn’t and it wouldn’t matter how good the care was he/she was receiving in our absence. I’ve had the period in my life where I’ve had child free exotic holidays. Then I had a child and for a period of time things were a lot more low key and centred around her needs and not mine/ ours. As she’s become older then more freedom has returned and my child is able to understand that if I go away I will return. You’ve chosen to have this child and you should wait until they are older to leave them. The exotic locations aren’t going to go anywhere.

Original poster
Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 12:00

Thanks all for replies.

Somewhere closer to home would be great but the destination isn’t up for debate, as my husband needs to be there for work. It’s also a special place for us, as we travelled there a lot pre-children, and got engaged there. It isn’t somewhere we’d ever plan on taking the kids (lots of hustle and bustle, not particularly child friendly). We have another holiday with children booked for later in the year.

Kids see grandparents very often as we live nearby. We left 4yo once for 4 nights when she was 3, for my husbands 40th bday trip - she was totally fine, she loves spending time with them.

My initial thought was that it’s a long time, but in the grand scheme of things, the 4yo will love time with other family and the (will be) 11 month old won’t remember? Just worry that the time will come and I’ll panic!

OP posts:
getyourgrooveback · 28/10/2019 12:01

Yes 100% I would go.

And to the PP who said their sister left their baby and she never got over it.... really?! Hmm

Thiswayorthatway · 28/10/2019 12:02

I would go if I was happy that DC would be happy and well cared for.

fairislecable · 28/10/2019 12:02

I left a 3 yr old and 18 months for a long weekend, a prize we had won.

The D.C. stayed with Granny and when I returned were disappointed to have to come back with me!

Granny had been VERY indulgent whilst I was away, the D.C. felt they had a holiday too.

DrVonPatak · 28/10/2019 12:03

A week is a lot at that age and the baby could develop attachment issues. I wouldn't, but then again, we are all different.

BlouseAndSkirt · 28/10/2019 12:06

I wouldn’t have been able to do it. But plenty do.