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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby to go on holiday...

218 replies

Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 10:59

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 28/10/2019 17:36

I wouldn't go because I didn't want to leave my children for that length of time when they were young. But only you know how your children will be. Are they used to staying overnight with their grandparents? How they are in the night? Etc

Myimaginaryfamiliarhasfleas · 28/10/2019 20:07

I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to. If you want to, do it.

Winifredgoose · 28/10/2019 20:10

I wouldn't do this. I know lots do, but I genuinely dont believe that it is in the interests of the child.

Piffle11 · 28/10/2019 20:26

Will the GPs realistically be able to cope for that length of time? My DPs looked after my DN (3) for 4 days when DSis and her DH went to NY ... they found it very difficult. MIL and her DH looked after his DGC - 5 and 1 - for a week whilst his DS and DIL at work: so the parents were actually home in the evening and did the nights ... they really underestimated how difficult it was going to be. They were fit, late 60s, but said they couldn’t cope. It’s one thing to say, ‘yes, go for it: the DC will be fine with us’ and the reality of actually doing it. Maybe a test run first? Couple of nights?

TheFaerieQueene · 28/10/2019 20:29

Go and have fun. You parents brought you up, so know how to keep children safe. Have a lovely time.

reginafelangee · 28/10/2019 20:32

I would go.

1 yr old won't remember and 4 yr old will get spoiled rotten by the grandparents.

Enjoy.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 28/10/2019 20:46

OP I posted already to say that I wouldn’t do it but I also wouldn’t judge you as it’s fairly personal - I’m surprised at the comments along the lines of ‘baby won’t remember’ though. I don’t actually make decisions for my kids based on whether or not they’ll remember, I make them based on what seems a good plan now. (A mum friend also once remarked that she’d like to take her stepdaughter skiing, but had decided to wait until she was over x age ‘so that she would remember’ - I didn’t get it in that context either.)

I also think that because of the separation anxiety thing - which really does peak at around 8-11 months - people saying they happily left their 4 month old or whatever aren’t really talking about the same thing. Kids are definitely all different, my DC1 wanted to be held always but didn’t really care that it was me holding him until past 6 months; DC2 clearly preferred me from birth. So I get that they’re all different. OTOH, the studies do show that around 1/3 children do not have a secure attachment, so I’m never entirely confident that these things don’t matter just because lots of people did xyz and say they have ‘fine, happy, well-adjusted’ adult children. I bet my mum would say that about me but I quite obviously have an avoidant attachment pattern.

ColourMeExhausted · 28/10/2019 21:08

I wouldn't. My DC are 4 and 2 and the longest we've left them has been two nights, always UK based. The thought of being away from them for longer makes me uncomfortable although what I wouldn't give for a week of child free sleep! Plus the grandparents aren't willing to do longer than two nights at this stage- totally respect that, both DC are tricky sleepers and quite a handful.

But it does depend on the child I guess and the relationship with the GP.

wouldthatbeworse · 28/10/2019 21:47

Go. Don’t feel guilty. Have a great time. The kids will be well looked after, the younger one won’t even remember. These opportunities don’t come up often.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 28/10/2019 21:49

I wouldn’t. I simply don’t think that it is fair to the grandparents or the children.

justjuggling · 28/10/2019 21:54

I would go and enjoy the break.

spanglydangly · 28/10/2019 22:11

*Plenty of time for that sort of thing in the future

This line gets trotted out to me all the time and honestly it makes me go

How do you know there will be plenty of time? You could drop dead tomorrow, or in a year, or at any time really. “Plenty of time” is honestly one of the weirdest things people say.*

Yeah children could get really sick while you're away, imagine that with a flight to organise.

No I wouldn't do it, but I would judge you for it.

Divebar · 28/10/2019 22:36

So you could drop down dead tomorrow so let’s spend less time with our babies! Hmm

I tell you what gets me... people saying “ I wouldn’t give it a second thought”. I mean go away if you will but a think your child deserves at least a second thought in the matter.

missyoumuch · 28/10/2019 22:48

It’s 6 days. Jesus Christ some of you are absurd. Show me the research that leaving an 8 month old for 6 days will cause attachment issues.

I really feel parenting in the 21st century has gone off the deep end, if people genuinely believe leaving children with relatives for a week will cause lasting damage. These children will not be prepared for the world if they’re so coddled.

TheGoogleMum · 28/10/2019 22:59

I couldn't personally but I have a friend who recently left her 7 month old for a week to go on holiday (although she only had a baby to please her DP and resents losing her freedom)

DeadyBear · 28/10/2019 23:06

I did, but it was in the same country that we live although a good 6 hours away by car. Eldest was 8 and youngest was 1.
Personally I would, I too hate all this oh plenty of time for that. Someone I loved dearly dropped dead recently at a young age, completely out of the blue and it really does change the way you think about these kind of opportunities. Go for it

Autumn2019 · 28/10/2019 23:11

I wouldn't be able to do it.

OneHanded · 28/10/2019 23:11

My paternal aunt went to America with cousins, one my age, one a couple years younger, and uncle and we looked after newborn cousin who was 8 weeks at the time. They were gone a fortnight and everyone was more than fine!

OneHanded · 28/10/2019 23:12

Well maybe not my mother. I mean she LIVES for babies but she was enemies with her SIL to start with!

Summergarden · 28/10/2019 23:12

I couldn’t personally. The longest I’ve ever left mine (eldest is 8) is 2 nights, mostly just 1 night and we’ve only done that a handful of times. 1 or 2 nights away is still plenty of couple time to reconnect.

I’d only want to be a short flight or drive away in case one of the children became ill or injured.

Leaving them much longer I’d feel guilty about both leaving the kids as well as the burden on the grandparents. After all, they’ve had their years of 24/7 child rearing and as everyone says the best part of being a grandparent is being able to hand them back! I’m sure if we were to ask the grandparents they would agree to looking after them for a longer period but it doesn’t seem right to ask. Caring for someone else’s children feels an even bigger responsibility than caring for your own and I’d rather they enjoyed shorter doses of time with their GC without being overly burdened.

Just my personal opinion.

Neolara · 28/10/2019 23:16

12 months is the height of separation anxiety. Unless the grandparents spend a lot of time with your DC's, the chances are both your baby and the grandparents are going to have a pretty miserable time.

Ballygowenwater · 28/10/2019 23:27

I left my 13 month old with my mam to go on a weeks holiday, she lives in my home country so they didn’t see each other regularly before that either, she was grand and had a fantastic week. I’d left her with her other grandma loads of times before that for 2-4 nights as I travel for work. Kids are adaptable. Go, have fun.

Kittenbittenmitten · 28/10/2019 23:29

I breastfed for over two years, by that point I was more than happy for relatives to have DS over night. I'm not sure I could at that age. I really loved spending all the time with him aside from the odd short night out. Now he's a pre-schooler I'd love to go on holiday and leave him with DM! I know he'd be happy and I'd be happy with the break.

It's a personal choice

SingingSands · 28/10/2019 23:41

DH and I had 5 days away in New York when our kids were 4 and 10 months. My parents looked after the kids and loved it. DD loved walking to school with Grandad and showing off her classroom.

I was still breastfeeding so I had to pump and dump for my comfort, was no big deal. DS happily took a bottle whilst I was gone, even though he'd never had one before.

We phoned every night to check on how everyone was getting on. My parents were very capable of looking after the children, knew where our local doctor was, pharmacy etc. My friends introduced themselves in the playground and all said that my parents were doing fine.

It was a wonderful holiday, I'm so glad we did it. The children were safe and happy and we've never regretted it. Smile

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/10/2019 00:48

I wouldn’t either. We both agreed that any trips after we had children would include them. I wouldn’t want to leave them and would feel awful putting my parental responsibility onto someone else to go and have fun. Plus I want them to have the experiences too.