Leaving baby to go on holiday...

[Newbie1999]

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

I'd go. It's much easier to leave a baby who won t know about it than an older child who will feel they are missing out.

@notangelinajolie they are having a family holiday later in the year.

I've done it, OP. My DD was 10 months and I was away for 9 days. She stayed with grandparents, whom were (and still are) very involved with her care.

why on earth not?
sounds great op

Oh ffs, Drabarni. Your first incredibly judgmental comment indicating that only parents who don’t love their children would vacation without them wasn’t great form, and adding, “To each their own,” isn’t some get out of jail free card for sounding like such a twatwaffle (even if you may otherwise be a lovely person in real life). And your follow-up to aj when she tried to defuse it, telling her it’s good that she admits she doesn’t love her children, isn’t nearly as clever as you think it is. At least, I hope that’s you trying to be clever. If you really believe that any parent who vacations without their child doesn’t love them (and based on your first comment, you really might), I despair. There are many different and equally loving ways to parent a child. There are probably an equal number of ways to be a decent human being - judging the hell out of other parents doesn’t contribute to being one, though.

It's up to how you feel, I would, personally. But if you think you'll be pining for home and worrying the whole time then it probably won't be enjoyable or worthwhile. You know they would be safe and being cared for by people they have spent a lot of time around; I don't believe you have to take your children everywhere with you (maybe this makes me a terrible parent).

Just go and have a great time.
It’s 6 days not 6 months.
And I say this as someone who was forced into 50/50 custody of DS.
Now I appreciate my adult time.
Couple time often gets neglected. You & your DH will come back refreshed and appreciate your DCs all the more.
They will have a great time with your parents. WinWin all round

I personally wouldn't but don't judge you at all if you want to go!!

Weird thing to consider when you'd have a 1 year old

Could you take the baby? It's free for under 2s to fly so won't cost any more but obviously limits what you and DH can do.

4 year old will have lovely time with grandparents

As long as the grandparents are genuinely happy to look after the kids then I would definitely go, no question. We live abroad, so our daughter has been staying on and off with various relatives who all wanted 1-1 time with her since she was less than a year old. She never developed attachment issues or separation anxiety. She is now a very well adjusted 11 year old... Sometimes it's a good thing for kids to get used to others looking after them from an early age, it can help them to be more flexible and comfortable with change.

Go for it!

Can’t you build up to it; the odd overnight; then weekend?

Only you can decide. I have a newborn and a two year old and I couldn’t leave either of them even for one night, the idea makes me feel quite emotional to be honest! But SIL is leaving her one year old to go on holiday for three weeks and isn’t at all fussed so I think it is really personal. You will just have to decide for yourself if missing/worrying about the kids will outweigh the fun of the holiday. If no then go for it!

I felt comfortable leaving DD for one night at 12m and I left her for 3 nights at 24m happily but I know she would have found it stressful if I'd left her for any longer, therefore I wouldn't leave a 12m old for a week for a holiday.

At 2.5 she is starting to understand plans and timescales so if I talk about what's happening tomorrow and what's happening the day after then she gets it.

At 12m DD wouldn't have had this understanding so all she knew was that I'd gone. Fine for 24 hours with a good distraction and care from my SIL but I think she would have really struggled if day after day went by without me coming back.

Will also add that I left my 4 month old for 2 nights with her grandma to attend my MIL's funeral in Poland. Obviously wasn't a holiday or by choice, but it was too far to take her at that age for such a short amount of time and under such circumstances. It was connecting flights bth ways and a 2 hour drive once we got there so really not baby friendly! Anyway, she was totally fine. Probably more traumatic for me! So don't let all these 'oh i'd never leave my baby at that age" comments make you feel guilty. As long as you know they are safe and well looked after that's all that matters, it doesn't make you a bad parent x

Thanks to those of you defending my clearly inferior parenting emotions - maybe Drabarni you could put me in touch with a suitable adoption agency?

They'd need to take DC in their mid-20s, who are very clearly unaware of how appalling their parents have been.

Ohh go for it or you may regret not going! It's 6 nights not 6 weeks! Having date nights/short breaks will be great for your relationship. Some people think that should stop when you become parents and then end up spending a few nights without their kids every week because their relationship has drifted apart and they've split.

My parents had loads of child free breaks and no one was traumatised by it! We loved sleepovers at grandparents!!!

It's good to encourage children who are happy to be left with people as well as you being happy to leave them with trusted family. We never know when we may become ill and have to stay in hospital for a while or whatever.

DS is 13 months. He could go to my parents for weeks and would probably be 100% fine as he sees them several times per week (they look after him most of my work days), and he’s a very easy going sociable chap. I would probably struggle with more than a weekend (two nights maybe?) away though. He’s only done one night away and that was 6 months ago but only because we haven’t really had a reason for them to have him really.

I don’t think that leaving your child with loving grandparents for a few days makes you a bad parent by any stretch of the imagination though.

I personally wouldn’t, asking too much of family to do 6 nights IMO.

Not in a million years.

1. I just couldn't.
2. What if something happened?
3. I'd miss them too much
4. Long haul flights for pleasure are a massive unnecessary carbon emission.

Go, your parents brought you up, you trust them with your children, it isn’t a long time and you might never get the chance again. I had to leave our DS when he was 18 months with my parents to sort out our relocation to another country, I was away for 10 days and they all had a lovely time together.

My two are teenagers now and this weekend just gone was the first time they were both away at the same time and it was just my dh and myself, it was really strange, we went for a meal and spent the whole time taking about our children.

I think it depends on how placid your children are and how healthy their grandparents are. Are the grandparents fit, energetic, no health issues and able to cope with little sleep? Are both children used to being left away from home overnight?

One of my DC could have been left with no problems at 11 months or 4 years old, but another of them definitely couldn’t!

I would not feel comfortable- the distance to get home in an emergency would be a major concern.