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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving baby to go on holiday...

218 replies

Newbie1999 · 28/10/2019 10:59

More of a WWYD

Opportunity has presented itself for husband and I to have a very cheap City break (Asia - cheap because it will only be my flight we’d need to pay for). However, we have a 4 yo and a 8 month old (will be nearly 1 at the time).

We’re lucky enough to have great parents who we know wouldn’t hesitate to have them for us, but I’m not sure how I’ll feel about leaving the baby so young (it would be 6 nights). However, it will be a long time before the opportunity arises again.

WWYD?!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/10/2019 14:02

The 8 month old might not remember when he's 8 but he'll be aware of it now

potatopotato12 · 28/10/2019 14:04

I couldn't but I would if I could.

StroppyWoman · 28/10/2019 14:07

I'd definitely have a trial run overnight with the grandparents but YES, go and have a wonderful time.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 28/10/2019 14:08

We went away for our honeymoon without DS, and had occasional city breaks away without him, it was fine for us and he enjoyed time with his nan and grandad, particularly as he got older because they lived nearer to his school and he could walk there instead of getting a bus. He doesn't remember us being away when he was little though.

Jeleste · 28/10/2019 14:10

My parents left me with grandparents for their 2 week honeymoon when i was 3 months old. I dont remember it and definitely dont hold it against them.
It all comes down on whether you would feel guilty or not. Because if you do, then you wont enjoy the holiday. You shouldnt feel guilty of course, but sometimes we cant control these feelings.
DH and I went on a trip together and kids (4 and 2) stayed with my parents. They loved it! Younger one didnt even ask about us. The older one asked to call us sometimes to say good night and started asking when we will be back on day 5. Other than that they were completely fine.
Go, enjoy special 1on1 time with your husband! Its really the best thing you can do! DH and i loved the time alone and would do it again in a heartbeat.

ajandjjmum · 28/10/2019 14:14

Drabarni
You said you love your DC too much to leave them - the implication being that those who do leave their DC don't love them enough.

I tried to pull you up on this with a smile, but you responded with snarky comments, suggesting that my DC should be adopted, as I said I don't love them. I can only assume that comprehension was not your strong point at school - I never said that.

My children are in their mid-20s, they love spending time with us as family, and are very aware of how much they are loved - as are we in return. We must have got something right!

My concern with your comment is that other readers are not as (old and) experienced as me, and might take your views to heart. That is rubbish. I would never demean anyone making a choice to go or stay, we all know our DC, our support and how we feel, and should respond accordingly.

Thanks for your support Beveren I did have to spend 6 weeks in hospital prior to DD's birth, and DS was fine, staying with his godparents, who love him dearly. I have gone away with DH on numerous occasions though, and we feel we did the right thing for us as a complete family.

We all do our best, and I think it's nicer if people can be supportive, or maybe just express their different opinions more politely than the odd poster on this thread.

And apologies OP - hope this hasn't made your decision harder. I'd go Grin - but I wouldn't judge anyone who thought otherwise.

Greggers2017 · 28/10/2019 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoSauce · 28/10/2019 14:18

Drabarni we all love our kids, you don’t love yours anymore than I do because you won’t leave them.

dontcallmeduck · 28/10/2019 14:55

Personally I couldn’t. One of the reasons being that I worry about my children needing medical attention and me being in another country, who would consent for them? There’d be no one present with parental responsibility.

areyouafraidofthedark · 28/10/2019 14:57

Get it booked and enjoy yourselves. Kids will love being at the grandparents.

ajandjjmum · 28/10/2019 15:14

Actually, that is a point dontcallmeduck. Before we left the children, we sent letters to school and the GP, confirming who would have parental responsibility in our absence. Was never actually needed, but made me feel better than we had put something in place.

meow1989 · 28/10/2019 15:25

Dh and I had 2 nights away when ds was 12 months i went away for 4 nights when he was 14 months and when hes 18 month we are going away for 4 nights to a different country. Ds is very close with both his sets of grandparents and although I'll worry and miss him I think its good for DH and I to have a few days together.

Can you trial a couple.of nights away in this country to see how you feel?

nespressowoo · 28/10/2019 15:28

I couldn't leave my 3 year old now for that length of time. Not just because I'd miss him, but I couldn't burden GPs with him for that long - despite him being an 'angel' for them 😂

RedRedWhining · 28/10/2019 15:28

I wouldn’t hesitate. But then again I left my 5 week old to go abroad for 2 nights for a concert and have had several holidays without my now school aged ds. He has plenty of holidays too (with me, his gp’s and his ddad). I genuinely wouldn’t give it a second thought, it’s one week. Baby won’t rememeber it and you’ll have the best time!

eternallybaffled · 28/10/2019 15:50

GO! It's not like it's something you are doing regularly! It's a one off, it's a fantastic opportunity cost wise and will be great to just be a couple without nappies, snot, bottles etc etc! If you think you can manage emotionally away from bubba for that length of time, and you know bubba will be content with GPs, just do it!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/10/2019 15:55

I left my 6 year old for 5 nights recently to go away and I won't do it again, I missed him too much. I'm OK with a weekend but not any longer.

I'd probably feel more comfortable leaving a baby as they won't remember! My 6 year old was with his dad but he was still quite upset when I picked him up that I had been gone for so long.

We are all different though! If you are comfortable with it then go ahead, it's a very personal decision!

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 28/10/2019 15:58

No. I absolutely would not. The age of the baby will be about the worst it could be for separation anxiety and causing attachment issues. 6 nights is far too long for a baby of that age to be away from both its patents in my opinion.

MapMyMum · 28/10/2019 16:03

I always think people dont stop to think about the people that are being left to look after the dc. Yes you trust them, but do they actually want to have them for 6 nights? It can be stressful keeping someone elses baby/toddler/child happy and entertained and tiring too. Kids could be happy and you could be happy but if the GPs are just going along with it cos they feel they cant say no or whatever then I dont think you should do it

havingtochangeusernameagain · 28/10/2019 16:15

I don't think we both left our ds until he was 4 (years old). I had to go to the US on a couple of work trips when he was about 2 (so DH was home with him) and when I was away on one of them he was ill. I came back a day early but it was horrible being that far away. He wasn't seriously ill but I was worried.

I think I'd go for 3 nights and stay in Europe.

Even now when ds has school trips we go away but in the UK so if anything happens we can get home or to him quickly.

SpaceDinosaur · 28/10/2019 16:16

Christ no, my boobs would have exploded even with pumping 😂

BeardofZeus · 28/10/2019 16:41

Also I was that child growing up who got to spend weeks here and there with her grandparents whilst mum and dad were somewhere else (I honestly couldn’t tell you then or now if they were on holiday or working, and I’ve never asked) who took me and my cousins/siblings to places on holiday/for trips and it’s something that I really relish reminiscing about.. especialy as now my GPs are in nursing homes/unable to do much beyond their homes and we can talk about what we got up to. Not every child being left with other carers are being abandoned to dysfunction!

PooWillyBumBum · 28/10/2019 16:43

I would go. I'm currently pregnant with number two and already excited for our first trip away without baby Blush.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 28/10/2019 16:45

I wouldn't, DS is usually social, sleeps and eats well and had had no issue with being looked after while I've gone back to work by grandparents or nursery. However he's been ill recently, clingy, upset, high temperature, not sleeping, not eating and just wanting to be held, I wouldn't want him left line that for a week even with family. When they're older they understand that you've gone somewhere but will be back.

Snugglepiggy · 28/10/2019 17:06

I'm a grandparent who looks after our DGC a similar age to yours very regularly ,and the oldest one has stayed overnight many times.But the youngest hasn't yet.Have your parents had the 8 month old overnight regularly yet?
I'm fit, able to cope and love my GC dearly, and would probably feel I had to say yes but I would find it a bit too long to be in charge tbh .And probably I'm just a worrier re flying now having experienced some really long delays.Obviously your parents may be very happy to do it.I would make absolutely sure first.DH and I holidayed without ours when they were considerably older.Personally I couldn't have done it at 8 months as stillbreast feeding.And would have felt too far away in an emergency.

MaryShelley1818 · 28/10/2019 17:27

I personally wouldn’t BUT I think as long as you’re comfortable then absolutely go ahead and have an amazing time! Kids will be absolutely fine.
I left DS at 5mths to go to Spain for 3nts and had a fab time. DS is now 22mths and spends 1nt a week with his Grandma, he loves it. I’m just not quite ready for both me AND his Daddy to both be out of the country together at the same time yet.