Falling asleep with newborn

[youcantsitwithusxo]

Posting in here for traffic..
My DD is 4 weeks old. Every night me or DP unintentionally fall asleep with her on our chest. She's quite needy and will tend to fall asleep being held (she likes to be on our chest) and then once she's asleep we transfer her into her crib. However it has become a daily accurance that during this process we will fall asleep with her on our chest. This is terrifying me because of all the things I've heard about SIDS but I can't stress enough that we try so hard to not fall asleep like this but somehow it keeps happening. Most nights I will wake up on the sofa with her on my chest and DP fast asleep on the chair or vice versa with me waking up to find DP asleep with her on his chest. I then go into a panic checking that she's breathing! I've talked to family and friends about this who just say put her in her crib when you're tired but the thing is, I could be feeling fine watching tele holding her and then next thing I'm waking up hours later holding her. It's hard to just put her in her crib when she's not tired because she screams so that's where the holding her and falling asleep ends up happening. I feel like such a bad parent because I know how dangerous this is! It's really scaring me and I dunno what to do.. any advice if you've gone through this? What worked for you? Am I a bad mum for falling asleep with my newborn on me most nights?

I personally did not do this as I breastfed mine to sleep lying down then put him in the cot, but you would be better following the lullaby trust guidelines.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

If she will fall asleep next to you on a firm flat surface, that's much safer.

SIDS is real. Please, please either co-sleep safely or get her in a crib of some form.

Your not a bad mother at all, it happens but SIDS is horrific.

Not sure what you're asking for really? The only answer is to pop her down when you feel tired or when she's asleep. If you can't do this for some reason, then I'm sure it'll probably be fine but good practice would be to settle her properly

You do need to get into putting her down however hard it is. If you want to co sleep safely then look I to that. A co-sleeping cot is fab.

You've tried this for four weeks now and it isn't working for you so please look for another solution.

Many suggest swaddling.it never worked for me but could be worth a try.

You’re not a bad mum at all, this is really common and until recently was totally ignored by health visitors in their advice. You can ask your HV for advice on safe co sleeping now and you won’t be told off - but falling asleep in a chair is not ideal if you can avoid it (it’s hard when you’re wrecked).

As Hammering said, look up guidelines on safe co sleeping and lie down with your baby in a bed with appropriate bedding. Take an iPad with you and set it up where she can’t see it if you want to watch tv!
I constantly fell asleep in all sorts of places with my eldest, so realised my limits and co slept with second.

Can you set an alarm to go off every 5 mins or so if you're at risk of falling asleep? Or can you tag team so you or DH sleeps for a bit then swap to catch up on sleep?

If you're falling asleep in bed then get out of the bed and settle your baby in a less comfy chair to reduce the risk of sleeping. Please please try something to stop you falling asleep in a chair or on sofa with your baby as the risk of suffocation is real, especially if she were to roll between you and the fabric.

I agree with others that you are not a bad mum. Many people have accidentally fallen or nearly fallen asleep when caring for a newborn. Even though the risk is low (and it is) you are doing this every day.

Someone who speeds in a car has an increased risk of an accident. For a one off speeding offence you would be unlucky to have an accident but if you always speed you are obviously at increased risk.

Can you tag team to recognise better when she passes into.a deep enough sleep to transfer her?
One of you staying awake and keeping an eye. Also consider moving settling her to your room. You could look at a side car crib perhaps, though you sound like you are both heavy sleepers.
I understand it is hard to stay awake with a small warm weight on you when it's late and your sleep is precious but the sofa is a particularly risky place there's the risk of falling as well as suffocating.

Obviously you're trying to figure this out properly.

As an immediate safety/reassurance strategy have you heard of the spoon trick? Hold a spoon or something that works with your floor, if you start to nod off you drop it, it makes a noise and wakes you - then immediately put baby in crib!

See that's the thing, I really don't want to co sleep which is making this even harder. The alarm sounds like a good idea although I dunno if it would keep waking her up when I'm trying to get her to sleep. We've tried the tag teaming but because we're so tired the watcher ends up falling asleep. I've also tried taking her off DP when she's fallen asleep and she has gone into he crib absolutely fine because she's in a deep sleep but sometimes she'll get upset within a few minutes and the cycle repeats itself.. I think the main problem is probably that we've got her so used to being cuddled to sleep but it's so hard not to now that she expects it and cries when you just place her in the crib before she's asleep. It's almost like holding her sedates us!

What about setting your phone alarm to vibrate so it isnt noisy?

As for the ne person watching - can one of you grab an hour or so sleep during the day when the other is awake and up with baby so that they are less tired come bed time?

You've not done anything wrong cuddling her to sleep, shes still tiny and snuggles are lovely and bond forming and good for you too, it's just the bit that comes after then that needs a bit of tweaking.

You don't want to co sleep but your are putting your child at massive risk by what you are doing. Either put your child in the cot and let her cry or safe co sleep and transfer her when you wake up and see she is asleep. Either way don't do what you are doing as you know how dangerous it is.

She tends to stay quite still when she's asleep but I suppose all's it takes is that one time for her to wriggle her way off us. This worries me with DP as he is a heavy sleeper but I am quite a light sleeper and will wake as soon as she stirs.

I’ve done this a fair few times with my DTs, and I always woke in a blind panic fearing the absolute worst. I had a swing chair for the babies in the sitting room and used to put them in that so that I couldn’t fall asleep and hurt them, and for bedtime/nap time I used a euan the dream sheep to settle them to sleep which I’d really recommend, I think they’re great! The other thing I used to do to stay awake is sing, helps to keep my mind active, and I’d not sit in a comfortable position in the theory I couldn’t fall asleep - didn’t always work, at the height of the sleep deprivation I could’ve slept anywhere!

I have also tried to just put her in her cot and let her cry herself to sleep but it is horrible and I feel awful letting her cry for too long and end up picking her up.. In her first few days we were swaddling her and she slept so well! I could put her straight into her crib and she would sleep without cuddles. Then when the midwife came round and I mentioned we were swaddling her she said that I shouldn't swaddle as it is very dangerous and linked to SIDS and so I mentioned it to the HV to get a second opinion on it and she said the same so that obviously scared us and we stopped swaddling her. That's when my DD began being unsettled when putting her straight down and that's why we now cuddle her to sleep..

We have a Ewan the sheep which is on every night but she still likes to be cuddled to sleep before going in the crib

Planned co-sleeping is much safer than unplanned falling asleep on a sofa or chair - that’s very high risk for baby suffocating.
Your baby is very new - google fourth trimester. Much easier to transition away from co-sleeping when a bit older. Co sleeping now will not create sleep problems. Google safe sleep seven.

Try walking her around (either holding or in a sling) till she's asleep if she'll only go to sleep on you at the mo - no chance of falling asleep then obviously - then put her in the crib.

Or if you have a pilates/birthing ball you could sit on that, again no chance of falling asleep.

You could get one of the cribs which attaches to the side of the bed if you don't want to co-sleep.

I didn’t want to bedshare either but it was the only way I could avoid falling asleep with baby in my arms. We agreed that every evening and night feed would happen in bed with all the safe bedsharing measures in place. If I was awake I’d put her in the cot. If I fell asleep, at least she wasn’t in danger.

I found getting myself up and moving for a few minutes before i picked her up helped. Then forcing myself to stay awake by reading on my phone or playing a game, stopped me from falling asleep. Once she was in the deep sleep stage I'd put her back in her cot.

Firstly it's totally normal for a 4-week-old baby to only want to sleep in someone's arms. VERY common. But it's not just SIDS you have to worry about. Babies can and do die from suffocation when the person holding them falls asleep and rolls over or moves or whatever. Often on sofas.

It's really not safe to be doing this. Once in a while, these things happen, but every night? I know it sounds harsh but you need to stop making excuses.

See that's the thing, I really don't want to co sleep which is making this even harder

Why? Isn't that better than what you're currently doing?

Planning to safely co-sleep in a bed is so much safer. Sleeping on a sofa or armchair with baby is incredibly dangerous. Have you tried a dummy?

Also rather than keeping watch, can you take it in turns to get actual sleep? I used to go to bed around 8ish, and DP would stay downstairs with baby until their next feed around 11ish; I would then wake for the one after that a few hours later while he slept. On a good night we would both get around 6 hours of sleep each and avoid reaching the exhausted stage.

You need to stop this ASAP as you're putting baby at risk. It's the hardest thing in the world being so exhausted with a newborn and you have my sympathies, I'm sitting up just now holding my own baby until she's sleepy enough to transfer her to crib. I sit up straight and make sure that my arm is propped under her in such a way that if I were to fall asleep she wouldn't fall, and I use my phone to keep me awake. If I feel I'm getting too tired I will put her into crib or lie down in bed with her safely to get some rest. You don't want to cosleep but you can still lie down with baby to get rest without it becoming a permanent situation.

You know the risks and its important you protect your baby now by stopping the falling asleep with her on chest. It's just not worth the risk.

Swaddling is fine at her age if she'll tolerate it, just make sure that you do it safely (videos online will help) and don't let her overheat.

She's 4 weeks old, if course she's going to want to sleep on you and wake up if she's moved. That's survival instinct!

Just co-sleep safely. You say you don't want to co-sleep but you are already are - in a way that's unsafe.