Falling asleep with newborn

[youcantsitwithusxo]

Posting in here for traffic..
My DD is 4 weeks old. Every night me or DP unintentionally fall asleep with her on our chest. She's quite needy and will tend to fall asleep being held (she likes to be on our chest) and then once she's asleep we transfer her into her crib. However it has become a daily accurance that during this process we will fall asleep with her on our chest. This is terrifying me because of all the things I've heard about SIDS but I can't stress enough that we try so hard to not fall asleep like this but somehow it keeps happening. Most nights I will wake up on the sofa with her on my chest and DP fast asleep on the chair or vice versa with me waking up to find DP asleep with her on his chest. I then go into a panic checking that she's breathing! I've talked to family and friends about this who just say put her in her crib when you're tired but the thing is, I could be feeling fine watching tele holding her and then next thing I'm waking up hours later holding her. It's hard to just put her in her crib when she's not tired because she screams so that's where the holding her and falling asleep ends up happening. I feel like such a bad parent because I know how dangerous this is! It's really scaring me and I dunno what to do.. any advice if you've gone through this? What worked for you? Am I a bad mum for falling asleep with my newborn on me most nights?

Falling asleep on the sofa is a pretty bad idea, especially with such a tiny baby.

If I were you I'd research cosleeping and plan to do it safely. Go from bedsharing to a Next to me style cot, then move further away as baby gets older.

Don't let such a young baby cry it out unless you're really frazzled, it's not great.

You don't want to co-sleep (which is safe when done according to the Safe Sleep 7) yet every single night you fall asleep accidentally? SIDS risk is real. Your baby is 4 weeks old. It is perfectly normal for a 4 week old to only fall asleep in someone's arms. 4 week olds do not fall asleep in cots on their own.

Start co-sleeping safely. You're being very irresponsible by letting this happen every night but then not wanting to do it the safe way (co-sleeping).

Please don’t let a 4 week old cry it out. She was, till recently curled up inside you. You cannot expect her to conform to ‘adult’ sleeping standards. It has to be a gradual process from arm sleeping to co sleeping to sleeping in a Co sleeper cot to their own cot. It might take a few weeks of gently weaning her off arm sleeping and into co sleeping and then an independent crib.

I was doing this too (you are not a bad mum) and realised we had to break the cycle so spent 3/4 days just putting back in next to me crib and I’d cried cuddled then put back again. Prepare yourself for 3/4 days of pain then the baby will hopefully get used to it’s new surroundings.

Try as pp have said about tag teaming - my husband goes to bed late so would stay up till 1am when I went to bed at 9ish and then I would do 1am onwards helped me get a chunk of sleep.

Honestly I understand that you’re both tired but one of you really needs to try and stay awake, so that you can put her safely in her cot. Falling asleep on the sofa or a chair with a baby is one of the main causes of SIDS, it increases the risk by 50%.

Swaddling and co sleeping is fine as long as you follow the official guidance, it’s much safer than falling a sleeping on the sofa/chair. You’ll get conflicting information about this from healthcare professionals however as long as you’re safe and follow the guidance it’s much safer than falling a sleep in the sofa/chair

Swaddling

• If you decide to adopt swaddling, this should be done for each day and night time sleep as part of a regular routine:
• Use thin materials
• Do not swaddle above the shoulders
• Never put a swaddled baby to sleep on their front
• Do not swaddle too tight
• Check the baby’s temperature to ensure they do not get too hot

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/swaddling-slings/

Co-sleeping

• Keep pillows, sheets, blankets away from your baby or any other items that could obstruct your baby’s breathing or cause them to overheat. A high proportion of infants who die as a result of SIDS are found with their head covered by loose bedding.

• Follow all of our other safer sleep advice to reduce the risk of SIDS such as sleeping baby on their back

• Avoid letting pets or other children in the bed

• Make sure baby won’t fall out of bed or get trapped between the mattress and the wall

Don't co sleep

• don’t co sleep if you’re over tired
• don’t co sleep if you or your partner are a smoker
• don’t co sleep if either you or your partner has drunk alcohol or taken drugs (including medications that may make you drowsy)

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I’m a midwife and sadly see far too many cases of SIDS that have happened due to falling asleep holding baby. It really is the most dangerous thing you can do so you need to find a way to stop this happening. Look up safe co-sleeping, this way you can be prepared to sleep with baby but never on your chest. Set regular alarms if that helps, ask the other parent to keep watch, open a window, find what works for you.

Planned co sleeping is safer than baby falling asleep on you while on a couch or chair

I don't necessarily mean co-sleep in bed all night - just while you are cuddling her to sleep. Then you can transfer her. It just means if you wake up with a start 2 hours later she is safer.

You don't want to cosleep? Why?
What you are doing is the riskiest way of sleeping with a baby.

She's very young! Your daughter needs to have you and her dad close to her at the moment (if not on either of your chests for any length of time). Mine used to sleep on my chest at times but I was awake. At night we co- slept and I do think that is the best thing to do.

My main aim in writing this thread was that I wanted people to tell me how dangerous it is to fall asleep with my daughter on me (although I already know it is) i wanted to be reminded of the dangers and to hear others ideas on ways to avoid falling asleep with her on me. Maybe I have made excuses because I suppose just falling asleep like that is an easier option. Reading all of your replies has made me realise even more that I can't allow this to keep on happening. DP fell asleep with her on his chest again this evening and she was asleep on him whilst he slept when I wrote the thread. I stayed awake and watched how his hands went from supporting her to dropping to his sides which scared me as normally I wouldn't notice this because I would usually be asleep. If at any point she wriggled slightly she could of rolled straight off him and the thought of that happening and us both being asleep and not realising terrified me. I've took her from him, got her ready for bed and walked around with her in my arms and she's now asleep in her next to me crib. I'm definitely just going to try my hardest to not get too comfortable until I know she's safe in her crib from now on!!

The biggest risk of falling asleep with baby on you isn’t just the fact they can roll it’s the the fact that once asleep your body slumps and you can restrict a baby’s airway. Just because she doesn’t move a lot in her sleep doesn’t make it any less dangerous.

We have a snuzpod, baby has a safe place to sleep and it’s not full on co-sleeping.

Why are you both falling asleep with the baby? Stand up, move around while holding her. Are the both of you not getting enough rest? Set an alarm for every 5 minutes to vibrate or sound off on your cell phone while holding her.

With the best will in the world you can scare yourself, tell yourself you won’t do it, read horror stories and you will still fall asleep holding her. I’ve had 3 and my ex-DHs brother died from SIDS we were scared to death and it still happened.

The only way to prevent this is safe co-sleeping. The sofa/soft chair is absolutely the worst you could be doing.

Plan safe sleeping now, set your bed up so she is next to you, not your DP, he won’t wake it’s biological. Light sheets, no pillows/soft stuff. Read the safe co-sleeping advice and set it up. Keep trying to get her in her crib but plan for the eventuality you will co-sleep safely if that fails.

I also invested in the Hero Go, a breathing monitor that clips to their nappy.

What about playing a mindless game on your phone while you hold her? I found that tv or reading on my phone would put me to sleep, but I could stay up forever playing candy crush while holding or nursing a newborn. Something about the bright colours and needing just a bit of constant engagement.

Play the game until she's in a deep sleep. Transfer her to the cot and lie down yourself

I have a 3 week old and know how easy it is to do. We are in a routine of swaddling the baby once he's properly asleep, he feels snug and sleeps next to the bed in the bassinet well. You really need to find a way not to fall asleep, as it is a real risk to the baby. Look at swaddling techniques online, make it nice and tight (but you can fit 2 fingers in so not too tight), and keep baby's hands tucked in for a good sleep.

I have a newborn and this happened with DS falling asleep on my DH a couple of times. It terrified me because that scrunched up position looks like the car seat position that's not safe for prolonged periods either. It's not your fault, you're just exhausted, but that doesn't make it safe. I've started putting DS in those baby Gro-bag type sleeping bags (there's some lovely ones in Sainsbury's) and they have really helped our DS get to sleep because he feels snuggled and cosy without needing to be held all the time. There's a range of thicknesses so he doesn't overheat.

I'm definitely just going to try my hardest to not get too comfortable until I know she's safe in her crib from now on!!

That's not enough OP. Read the replies in this thread. You need to STOP this, not 'try your hardest'. Accidental falling asleep with baby is lethal. Plan to properly and safely cosleep. If you can't do that you need to put her down awake and find another way to comfort her, but really cosleeping is the best option. Your baby is four weeks old and wants to be near you.

My main aim in writing this thread was that I wanted people to tell me how dangerous it is to fall asleep with my daughter on me

You already know this and yet you keep doing it, as well as allowing your partner who is a heavy sleeper to do the same! What the hell? This is not OK! My first child had severe reflux and couldn't be put down DH and I had to tag-team like this for half the night each for several months and we both managed to stay awake! If we can do that, surely you can wait for your DD to fall asleep without nodding off every night? DH used to play Minecraft and I would be mumsnetting half the night to stay awake. Staring at my phone helped me, with the screen brightness turned up if necessary. I still do this with DD2 when night feeding (like right now). Don't close your eyes, even for a moment, don't sit in a dark room whilst putting her to sleep.

I can't believe you're all "I know it could kill my baby but oops, it happens every night". I'm writing this honestly worried about your baby. Just imagine, really imagine if the worst happened and the baby died from smothering. You probably don't want to think about that, but you should, because that's what you're risking. You would blame yourself and each other for the rest of your lives. How can you take that risk just because you're tired? We're all bloody tired! Get a fucking grip and take control of the situation. This is important.

I think you need to work out shift sleeps with your DH so you aren't both so exhausted. We put our baby down for naps in a sleepyhesd in the lounge during day for supervised times and bedside cot at night where I could stroke his face, he used to love me stroking his nose with my nose. I'm not sure I understand why you both keep falling asleep at same time are you bf or ff?

I also read on my phone to stay awake. I needed to do this

I used to do this. My baby wouldn't settle unless being held. I didn't want to co sleep either but realised I had to do something so I made my bed safer and relented.
There was no such thing as a snuzpod or side sleeper in those days but now you have so many options.
Us telling you its dangerous isn't going to make your baby miraculously settle or keep you awake.
You need to do what you can to enable your child to be safe and for you and your partner to get some sleep.

This is so dangerous and to be honest, your attitude is bordering on negligent. This isn’t a matter of ‘I’ll try really hard not to’ - you cannot continue to do this. I am also pretty concerned at the idea you would leave a 4 week old to cry it out.
Swaddling, when done safely, is fine. My son enjoyed the swaddle up zippies by Love to sleep. Otherwise, safe, planned co sleeping on a firm surface.

you need to work out shift sleeps with your DH so you aren't both so exhausted.

Agreed. For a little while you need to work shifts, eg you go to bed 7pm-10pm while DH has her (he should be able to stay awake until 10pm right?), then you get up and you’ve had a few hours sleep so you’ll be better able to deal. It doesn’t make any sense for you both to be up and so exhausted that you’re both falling asleep on the sofa.