Falling asleep with newborn

[youcantsitwithusxo]

Posting in here for traffic..
My DD is 4 weeks old. Every night me or DP unintentionally fall asleep with her on our chest. She's quite needy and will tend to fall asleep being held (she likes to be on our chest) and then once she's asleep we transfer her into her crib. However it has become a daily accurance that during this process we will fall asleep with her on our chest. This is terrifying me because of all the things I've heard about SIDS but I can't stress enough that we try so hard to not fall asleep like this but somehow it keeps happening. Most nights I will wake up on the sofa with her on my chest and DP fast asleep on the chair or vice versa with me waking up to find DP asleep with her on his chest. I then go into a panic checking that she's breathing! I've talked to family and friends about this who just say put her in her crib when you're tired but the thing is, I could be feeling fine watching tele holding her and then next thing I'm waking up hours later holding her. It's hard to just put her in her crib when she's not tired because she screams so that's where the holding her and falling asleep ends up happening. I feel like such a bad parent because I know how dangerous this is! It's really scaring me and I dunno what to do.. any advice if you've gone through this? What worked for you? Am I a bad mum for falling asleep with my newborn on me most nights?

You still see baby food advertised as from 4 months it’s well evidenced that food before 6 months increase the allergy risk etc.

Not a good example as new evidence is starting to suggest that you should introduce well-known allergens between 4-6 months!

Bag slings, also, I remember that and I remember the campaigning from those in the industry including a very illuminating and scary blog post (no longer online) from a midwife with an oxygen sats monitor who went and did an extremely small scale review of several popular brands and found that babies would get into distress very quickly in them.

Budget level/generic car seats, too. Perform poorly in crash testing (they pass the legal minimums, but fail in more catastrophic crashes/faster tests) and they rebadge them and sell the exact same shell with the same poor testing under a different name with different fabric. When the seats are tested years apart by big consumer operations they find that the same model has been brought out under a different name.

I was against cosleeping but had to in the end. My partner slept in a different bed (and room) and I had baby in the middle of the bed, and one pillow pushed up against the edge of the bed so my head was just on it. I'd sit up and cuddle her, scrolling on my phone if necessary to keep myself awake, and then kind of roll her onto the bed when she was in a deep enough sleep. If she woke up for a night feed I'd either lift my (tight) top up or because it was summer I'd just sleep topless and latch her on. I was showed how to do it all safely by a breastfeeding support worker who i had cried to because I wasn't establishing feeding very well and so I wasn't sleeping at all, the lying on the side feeding allowed me to feed baby and if I fell asleep it didn't affect her and there wasn't the chance of rolling onto her because I was in the safe cosleeping position.
After she started getting less clingy at about 2 months old we transitioned her into a cot with the side off so it was essentially a next to me, I'd still sit up with her and roll her into the cot but because she was sleeping better I wasn't waking as often so I wasn't as tired doing night feeds.
She's now 3.5 months old and in her cot with the sides up about two feet away from the bed.
I fell asleep with her in my arms in hospital and when the midwives came in they gave me and my partner such a bollocking that if I ever did it again he'd come and take her out of my arms (which would wake me up because I wasn't in a deep sleep).
If she's asleep in my arms now and I'm feeling myself drift I move her into the cot and get into bed myself. If it wakes her up at least I'm not in that sleepy state sleeping babies put you in, or if I'm really tired and she's happy enough in the cot after waking up but I'm asleep I can easily still catch 15 minutes of sleep to sort myself out. Probably not what's recommended but I've found as long as she's safe and happy it's okay.

@Celebelly Fair point, not the best example.

We were recommended to swaddle ds, hes 7 months old so hardly ancient info, just to use light breathable swaddles and to avoid woombies as they’re too stretchy. (Hv has one herself and her dc pulls it up with no effort).

When dp comes in go and sleep for an hour or two before bedtime, if he’s too late in could you get a friend or family member to sit with tiny till you sleep for a bit. Vibrating alarms are a good idea too, or something equally as annoying to keep disturbing you.

Anyway it's all veering far off the point that there's not much in the way of unsafer sleep than sleeping with a tiny baby on your chest and so deeply that you aren't really aware of it. That's a disaster waiting to happen.

I’m sorry, haven’t read TFT.

I fell asleep a couple of times breastfeeding when my baby was new born and it terrified me. I would feed him in bed, setting bed up for safe Co-sleeping (lullaby trust advice) so I could asleep, then transfer him to his cor when he was asleep (and when I woke up if I’d fallen to sleep).

Also used to feed him in an uncomfortable arm chair where I wouldn’t fall asleep. If I fed him sat in bed I’d often fall asleep. On one occasion he’d moved from my breast down by my legs and it was terrifying.

@M0reGinPlease I assume you’re not going to apologise for accusing me of “making things up” and “spreading misinformation” then?

@Indella no I'm not. I'm still taking my information from a manufacturer to make an informed decision. Not a retailer, not a message sent to a stranger on the internet, not an article generalising on a wide range of products. Are you going to apologise for accusing me of 'blindly trusting' information I read online when in actual fact you have no idea what or whom I trust or how I make decisions based on my child's safety? Or for spamming the OP's thread by asking me for an apology when you originally posted an unsubstantiated piece of scaremongering information? If you were in possesion of the full facts you could have posted them originally.

Now leave me alone.

The manufacturer has literally confirmed in the message back to me that they are for supervised use only! Feel free to message them yourself and ask.

I commented as in my professional role we have received information from sleepyhead stating they are for supervised sleep only. They also say they are informing purchasers of this. Knowing that I wouldn’t be competent to sit back and say nothing when a tired and distressed mother is being told to use a product in a manner that is unsafe.

You decided to call me a liar in so many words. I provided you the evidence over and over again. You were not happy as the manufacturer themselves did not state this on their website. They literally confirmed the exact statement I am making in their response to me.

If a baby died and I could have prevented that by advising against the use of an unsafe product but didn’t I would never live with myself. How would you feel if a baby died because you had told a new parent they were safe to use unsupervised when every bit of evidence, research and the manufacturer state this isn’t so? Only you know the answer to that but it might be an idea to think before offering safety advice that you are not trained to offer or fully educated to offer in the future.

I’ll leave this thread now. People can see my numerous screenshots and make their own minds up if their baby’s life is worth the risk.

It is so much safer to feed lying down and then if you both fall asleep Its fine, falling asleep with her on you/on the sofa is not safe at all.

I co-slept from 3 weeks. Read up on how to do it safely.

@BertieBotts

Do you have any info re the next to me death? I used a next to me and was planning to with next baby but wasn’t aware of any issues.

I don't think it was a Next to Me; it was a Bednest I think?

And it was a design flaw with the original version which I believe has been corrected (sadly too late for the little girl who died), to do with the side being able to be half up or down

Yes, sorry, it was the Bednest.

www.madeformums.com/news/bednest-nct-stops-selling-bedside-crib-following-death-of-7-week-old-baby/

Thank you

Yabu for calling a 4 week old needy.