Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

Erm yeah when I say to friends I'm happy to help I mean look after the kid for a couple of hours if they have an appointment kind of thing. Not 16 hours childcare a week!

Jesus.

I'm just laughing at you also having the cheek to send it in a text, not even raising it in a face to face discussion

Wonder how you'd feel if your boss sent you a text asking you to work for free for 16 hours to 'help her out'.

Surely if you are working and you need childcare you pay for it. You don’t ask neighbours.

Huge CFery, you don't ask for that much

Wow

That isn't a bit of helping out though, is it? That is a lot of unpaid work. I would retract your request ASAP saying you hadn't really thought it through and it is far too much to ask of her.

That is way too much, does she even need help with her kids. You're basically doing what you'd do anyway just adding her kids into the mix whereas childcare four mornings a week is massive.

So you're going to pick up her kids at the same time as you pick up yours and take them to their activities (because they are the same as the ones your own kids do), then bring them home (which is opposite yours). So, apart from her actually walking there, you're not really putting yourself out.

She, on the other hand, has to take your DC along with her (one year younger) DC if she wants to go shopping, meet friends, go to a toddler club etc., Feed your child (including snacks as I would think her DC still has mid morning snacks if they're below nursery age). You don't mention paying for any of those activities - so mum and toddler groups are free now? Baby gym, music groups, soft play - all for free now? She'll have to pay double for all of these because she'll have another child in tow.

Just because she's home doesn't mean she doesn't do anything all day.

Then she has to take your child to a nursery she no longer uses as her older children are at school and her youngest, by the sound of it, isn't old enough to go to nursery. And, of course, if she were meeting friends or going to a mid morning toddler group, she'd have to keep an eye on time because YOUR child has to get to nursery. Whereas she wouldn't have to be home for at least another two hours if she just wanted to be there when the eldest get back.

And what happens at Christmas? Why does all of this end in December? Do you suddenly get mornings off?

If you're going back to work it's your responsibility to sort out your child - asking if DC can be looked after for an hour or so because you have a hospital appointment once in a blue moon is helping out. Four days a week with no payment and imposing restrictions on her day is CF x 10!

Definitely too much!! Are you even that close friends??

OP, way too much to ask. Very CF.

"She always said if I needed help I should ask"

Bloody hell.

How could you possibly think that "help" meant half a days childcare four days a week for a couple of months?

Yes you are undoubtedly a cheeky fucker.

My neighbor had ds2 2.5 days a week for 18 months until I changed to only working weekends. She still has him in holidays and when I have appointments etc. She will also have ds3 from next month here and there. She is a childminder and I pay her the full going rate and would never dream of asking anyone including family to provide this level of care for my kids. It’s rude and totally unfair to ever put that burden (and yes it is a burden if it’s not a paid job) on anyone. I don’t even ask friends or family to help much. I would rather pay the childminder. Friends have offered to help but to me helping out means caring for my kids for a doctors appointment that lasts an hour. I cannot believe anyone would ask that. As for your offer off providing after school lifts etc it’s not comparable plus I personally have chosen to be home to pick up my kids from school. I feel it’s important they gave me there.

Of course you are a CF! And there must be something a bit wrong with your filters if you think your request is at all reasonable. Plus the sending of it by text. Good grief!

This is a reverse right?

I can't imagine anyone being so brass necked as to think this was a reasonable or even normal request.

If someone needs 16 hours childcare a week they should pay for it rather than putting friends (or even family imo) in a position to provide it for free.

CF AF

Do you also want her to buy you a horse? 🧐

You should have spoken to her face to face,not text, that’s rude.

@MrsWillGardner hahaha!!!

Yes you're a CF.
I doubt this is a reverse when your at home in the day, plenty of parent's think you are only waiting to mind their DC.
I work nights around DP to be here in the day, this is way to much to expect. Hire child care.

CF

Hi , sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Obviously you did not see the police officers on the news (it was a while ago). They thought that because they were police and obviously have had all security checks that it would be ok to have each others children whilst the other one worked.
Apparently NOT.
You can look after someone else's child for less than two hours as long as they don't pay you. If they pay you, buy you flowers, chocolate or reciprocate then that is CHILDMINDING.
If you childmind without being a registered childminder both you and the parent of the child could get a fine of up to £10k each (if you got caught)
It is a very grey area because kids go to play with friends and maybe have sleepovers but it is worth thinking about. Maybe contact your local council to see what their rules say.

Massive CF.

A childminder would cost £4-£5 per hour and you thought she'd do it for free? Lol She clearly meant one off occasions not be an actual free childminder.

Text her and say that your childcare has been sorted.