Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

This better not be another bloody reverse.

😬😬😬

It doesn't sound very balanced, tbf

Gotta be a reverse no one is this thick?

You need a childminder!

I also now think this is a reverse.
Text back ' I'm afraid that doesn't work for me. I hope you get it sorted. See you next x.'

Bloody hell I first read it as 9-1 on a Thursday until Christmas and thought wow that's a big ask but now I've reread it and see it's 4 days a week 9-1:30 (by the time she'll realistically be back home) and can't believe you asked her in the first place that is cfery at its finest!

Oh and as a childminder, I'd charge you £100pw plus meals for this

OP I can see your heart is in the right place but I think you are looking at your solution with cloudy vision, as I’d be really stressed if I received that text from all a good friend. It would mean I couldn’t pop to that playgroup I liked, or randomly go to Waitrose and share a teacake with my preschooler, or do a magazine together, or decide to sit on the sofa and watch back to back Numberblocks - all things I miss doing with mine.

Personally I’d change my child’s childcare to a registered nursery with preschool provision, so I had someone who knew what they are doing looking after them with no strings or awkwardness. Also my child would probably prefer it to going to the same house every day (unless they are qualified in providing stimulating activities or going out to groups like childminders).

This is a massive tie for your friend, it’s not just asking her to mind your kids but it’s all the things she wont be able to do now because she has your children.

Can’t be real, surely

Any thoughts on the replies so far, OP?

please be a reverse

Most people sort out what childcare in line with their work e.g. cost vs earnings and timings with shifts etc. They do not assume their neighbour would like to be a free childminder.

Four hours a day, four days a week is BIG ask.

Had a little google and apparently this is illegal anyway as she gets something (although minimal) in return.

Although the l don’t agree with the law, you really are taking advantage of the law didn’t exist...

Definitely a CF but then you knew that really 🤦‍♀️🤔

I think if you were asking for a one off, or even once a week then I wouldn't consider that too much. However, this is, 4 mornings is lots until drop off at 1pm, meaning she won't be home until 1.15pm each day. I do assume you've asked to pay her though?

My CF neighbour first does a Facebook appeal for childcare, when that doesn't work because everyone is well aware of her cheeky fuckery, she texts people she thinks might fall for it. When that doesn't work she knocks on the door and begs. Don't do that OP, leave your neighbour alone and text her an out so she isn't worrying about it. Then look up actual childcare and get it sorted.

You cant ask a neighbour for that level of help unless you are paying them cash, not small unequal favours in return.
I'm not surprised she hasn't replied, do you really need her to tell you to fuck off to your face?

This is pretty much the same as asking her to do a 16 hour week free in the local supermarket.

Would you ever consider asking anyone to do that?

No matter how adorable you think your child is, they are work for other people who need to feed/toilet/entertain/etc... them.

You've asked the lady across the road to do an actual unpaid part time job she never asked to do.

No chance of OP coming back 😂

I'm not surprised she hasn't replied, I would probably text her again saying you were sorry for asking too much of her

Off topic but why do people always say it must be a reverse because no one would be that cheeky? Surely a reverse just means it's not the OP that's been that cheeky, but someone else. The cheekiness has still happened.

OP I can see your heart is in the right place

Oh, FFS, give over! Pisstakers' hearts are always in one place: their own convenience and purse. They don't consider others' commitments and lives because they are that self-absorbed and entitled, hence, they have the brass neck to even ask something like this of someone else.

It shouldn't stress you to receive a fucking text from someone asking something like this when you thought they were a so-called friend, it should piss you off and make you question your own judgement in having considered someone this entitled to be a friend, shortly before you text them back, 'That's not going to work for me. You need to make other childcare arrangements for X. I'm not available for provide childcare.'

"I just want her to help me out in the mornings."

You want her to work for you 4 hours a day, 4 days a week, not just "help you out".

I think it has to be a reverse, too. Nobody would admit to being that cheeky on here.