Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

Yup, your a CF

This is great

Come back OP!

Wild guess that op isn't coming back....

It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

You apologise and tell her to forget you asked!

And don't ask for even a teeny favour from her for years... if at all.

LOL

I would imagine your friend is thinking WTF and working out how she can avoid you!

Eeeek. I really hope this is a reverse for your sake!

If not then I think she meant she can help every now and then if you're in a jam. 16 hours a week though! That's a big fat no!

Some people have given some really good wording to get out of this while saving face.

What's a CF

Sorry but you are asking way too much of her. Also as others have mentioned it would be illegal for you to pay her for anymore than 2 hours of childcare a day unless she is a registered childminder and I cant imagine she would want to do it for free. It's no wonder she hasnt replied because you've put her in a very awkward position. I would message her again and retract what you've asked and hopefully she will feel more able to respond.

It is CF territory. Back out find something else.

Fabulous username

@vilamoura2003 a CF is a cheeky fucker.

Seriously CF country! You’re basically saying will you be my unpaid childminder and In return I will do stuff you haven’t asked for and don’t need!!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh my god! I wouldn't even ask that of my own mum let alone a "mum friend"

Reverse! Just no.

Surely this is a reverse?! At a push, I would ask and pay a best friend for a maximum 1 day a week - you just want a free childminder!

The ‘ask if I need help’ is similar to our friends who emigrated wanting to use us as a free Air B and B, but without cleaning up after themselves. And of course not actually spending any time with us. I’d said ‘you know there’s a bed here if you’re desperate ‘ which they translated as 2 weeks free food and accommodation.

You know people say things to be polite, right?

I thought you were going to say" aibu to ask to pick up OR drop off at nursery" for a week or so!

nomeansno1 why don't you text her again, saying the text was meant for someone else (relative or child minder!) and of course you don't expect free childcare pretty much full time until Christmas....

I am waiting for you're friend to start a thread asking how to respond to your text 🤣🤣

You are a CF. No way can you expect her to commit so much of her own time to looking after your child.

Please, find some formal childcare.

16 hours a week child care and taking him/her to nursery for 8 weeks?! In return for collecting the children, taking them to their hobby then home again?! Drop off and pick ups are relatively easy. Childcare for a 4 year old is hard work. Could you send a follow up text just to say, if you dont fancy it, that's absolutely fine. Please dont worry about it. I would only ask her for favours in an emergency, one offs and do the same in return.

this cannot be real

Does she actually need anyone to take her kids to after school activities. If not, she's not really benefitting. How close a friend is she to you? I don't think I would even ask my best friend for this.

I would imagine when she meant help, she thought a couple of hours now and again if something comes up. You need a childminder if you need that level of childcare.

She probably feels really awkward and is thinking of how to refuse politely.

Seriously that's cringemaking. I'm pretty sure if your friend wanted to do that much childcaring she would become a childcarer and get paid for it.

If this is not a reverse you would be wise to get back in touch with her to cancel your request and apologise or she will rapidly become your ex friend.

Bloody hell of course you're a CF. I'm so embarrassed for you that you even thought this was an OK ask of a "mum friend". I wouldn't even ask my mum to do all that

Reverse

Going against the grain here... I think if she’s at home anyway, it’s one more toddler to deal with. Women should help each other out. You probably can’t afford to pay for that much childcare and she’s in the house all day anyway. Maybe you could offer to pay her a bit of money to help out with snacks but if you can’t afford childcare you can’t afford to pay her that rate! It wouldn’t bother me at all to do this favour for a mum friend. But then I’m against the set up we have in society where women have to work rather then be with their babies if that’s what they want. Women shouldn’t have to pay so much money just so they can work. Work should operate around childcare IMO.