Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

Nah that's too much OP.

You intended to pay her handsomely i assume?

Posted too soon.

Too much to ask, I would text her back to say not to worry you've realised it's too much.

16 hours childcare is not equivalent to dropping her kids home from activities. The former should be paid work. The latter would be a favour. You should have suggested some payment too.

I agree you need to text with an out

There’s help, and then there’s that.
Unfair to ask imo.

Depends if you are going to pay her, and you are offering her a job.

Otherwise that’s far to much to ask.

I think its fine to ask, but I think its really important now that you give her an easy way to say no.
I would message again saying that on reflection you can see its quite a big ask, and you completely understand she probably doesnt want to commit to that, but youre just trying to explore options and that you wouldnt be offended if she cant.

Tbh, if you were asking a couple of days a week, i think it would be one thing, but 4 mornings a week is a regular job. You should probably look into a childminder

Sounds like the sort of thing my next door neighbour would do to me. Sort out proper childcare OP, you are a CF

Seriously, you even need to ask?

Seriously, are you always such a manipulative piss-taker??

Ha, people ask me to do this for them, because I’m a childminder and they know it’s my job and they expect to pay me. You seem to be expecting her to do my job but for free! Massive CF! text her back and apologise, tell her not to worry, you’ve now made alternative arrangements. Then phone your nursery and see if they can increase your dc hours to accommodate your working hours and if they can’t help, phone some actual childminders and go and make a couple of visits to find someone who actually wants to look after other peoples dc.

Please don’t tell me that you can’t afford to pay for childcare. I imagine your friend has made many financial sacrifices to enable her to stay at home with her dc, so probably won’t want you to profit out of her circumstances. As for picking up her dc after school each night, part of the reason she doesn’t work is so that she can do this for her children. I reckon she won’t see it as you doing her a favour at all. Picking up your dc from school is actually something some parents enjoy doing, the time after school with their parents is a really important part of the day for many children.

I agree with @BillHadersNewWife suggestion. Text her back asap and tell her you are sorted now so to forget about the request. That way she doesn't have to feel awkward if she bumps into you or she doesn't have to feel guilted into 'helping' you. Then go and find someone who will actually want to mind kids for payment. A school mum used to ask me to mind her kids every so often. I was fed up of being asked so last time she text I didn't reply and a couple of hours later she text to say she was sorted - I was relieved!

Oh dear OP; you've got this so wrong. Contact her and tell her you've realised what you proposed is far too big an ask and you're looking elsewhere/or will pay her.

You don't seem to appreciate what you're asking her to commit too, but if the demand is not bad enough, you're actually asking on with a message?

You could have least have asked her face to face. I think I'd be even more offended by your method of asking than what you're asking.

Oh what planet do you live that you'd even presume to ask this?! Fucking hell! You need to tell her you have something else worked out, apologise for asking such a presumptuous thing and then sort your childcare out. Really? 16 hours of free childcare for a toddler, taking him to nursery, for free?! That is a serious pisstake.

I agree, Gene. In which you, the object of a CFer, simply text back, 'Unfortunately, I'm not available to provide childcare. You'll need to make other arrangements for DS3. All the best, x GoAndFuckYourself

It’s a massive massive ask. But not only that, you asked her in a text. A TEXT!!! You text friends to arrange to meet for coffee or something relatively unimportant. You don’t text to ask for 16 hours free child care.

You really are a CF!

Three year olds are not toddlers, but I still wouldn't want to do this. It's a huge ask, ridiculous really. I'm rather hoping that this is a reverse.

Bumfuzzled, especially when the OP lives opposite!

If this is a reverse op, then just reply any say no thank you, it would be too much of a commitment for me and I wouldn’t want to let you down at all. Also, I’m fine taking my DC to their after school activities.

It’s much too much to ask and definitely CF territory. I once had a mum friend ask me to have her daughter hile she worked. She offered me 50p per hour because, she said, this made it worthwhile for her to work. I’ve never forgotten the CF ery of it. This is similar.
If I were you I would ask her price per hour.

Complete Cheeky Fuckery.
You even mention you would be going to the after school activities anyway.
How embarrassing for you.

How much were you going to pay her?

If she is a good friend text her back and tell her you were in a panic and very sorry to suggest something so greedy.