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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

335 replies

nomeansno1 · 27/10/2019 13:49

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now Blush

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/10/2019 14:05

Her not responding is a response. She probably doesn't even know what the hell to say to this. Message her now, apologise, and tell her to forget the whole thing.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2019 14:05

She’s probably picking her jaw off the floor. I think you’ve misunderstood her offer to help.

What are you going to do when she says no? Pay someone or not do the job?

Pandainmyporridge · 27/10/2019 14:06

So every day, instead of thinking what to do with her own wee one (who probably naps too) she has to factor your son in, and take him wherever she goes, and worry about him and keeping him safe? I might do it for two days a week, not four, and what you would do in return wouldn't be enough, sorry.
I would send her another message saying "sorry that's far too big an ask, please forget about it". If she is ok with it she can still reply positively but it saves a bit of face for you.

Charm23 · 27/10/2019 14:07

I think you're asking too much from her so yes I'd say you're being a CFer

Drum2018 · 27/10/2019 14:09

I assume you expect to pay her for minding your child. If you didn't make this clear in your text perhaps you could send another text with the rate you will pay her. If you don't expect to pay her then you are a massive CF! Bringing her kids to activities is not enough of a trade off for minding your child 16 hours per week. Her dropping your Ds to nursery would be a trade off for you taking her kids to activities, seeing as you'd be going anyway.

It wasn't cheeky to ask if you plan to pay her the going childminding rate, but she may have no interest in minding other kids whatsoever.

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 27/10/2019 14:10

I’m afraid I agree OP
YABU and definitely in CF territory.
Free childcare for 16 hours a week- in return for you driving her children to their pre arranged activities (which you’re already taking your kids to anyway) and driving them home!

It’s not at all the same level of inconvenience! I imagine she’s feeling very awkward and doesn’t know what to say

usernamerisnotavailable · 27/10/2019 14:10

CF as fuck. sorry.

holidays987 · 27/10/2019 14:10

CF. Definitely. I think you should text her back an apologise. Say you realised after you'd suggested this that it's way too much to ask.

Chupchup · 27/10/2019 14:11

Omg op!!!

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 14:11

So you are asking her to look after your 3 year old child, while she has her own 2 year old...…… for four hours a day, four days a week?

Bloody hell.

Pandainmyporridge · 27/10/2019 14:12

I think it's illegal to pay her if she isn't a registered childminder. Unless she is in your own home - hey why not text her back and tell her to do it in your house?

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 14:12

She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask

To me, this generally means if you're running late on the odd occasion or you have an appointment at the dentist or something.

It wasn't an offer to rearrange her life for you 4 days a week until Christmas...

arethereanyleftatall · 27/10/2019 14:13

Lol. You want her to provide 16 hours a week childcare for a 3 year old, and in return her kids can sit in your car to a place you're going to anyway?!?

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 14:13

I think you need to phone her and apologise before this silence goes on any longer.

I take it you were expecting her to do this for nothing?

Grafittiqueen · 27/10/2019 14:14

I'm gobsmacked you think what you are asking is reasonable!! It's way, way too much.

When she offered help I think she meant to pick up on the odd occasion you were running late. Not hours of childcare every day!!

BillHadersNewWife · 27/10/2019 14:14

Oh dear. Your "return" is FAR less than what you're asking of her.

Looking after someone else's child from 9-1 for no money? Picking up the kids and dropping them at clubs is NOT worth that! Pick ups are easy!

A 4 year old for FOUR hours is not!

Ketomeato · 27/10/2019 14:14

Lol. You want her to provide 16 hours a week childcare for a 3 year old, and in return her kids can sit in your car to a place you're going to anyway?!?

^^This!!!
Omg!

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 14:15

This poor woman already has a toddler in her house. She can't possibly want to look after another toddler (yours) for sixteen hours a week, for nothing.

Come off it, OP.

Sort out some paid childcare for your child.

BillHadersNewWife · 27/10/2019 14:15

Text back and say "Oh it's fine now...I have something sorted! Sorry to have bothered you.x" or similar.

It's a cheeky fucker's request OP and you know it is.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 27/10/2019 14:15

Yabvu and a cf. now you are annoyed she is taking time to think about it and not replying immediately.

Awaywiththepiskies · 27/10/2019 14:15

she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm

You're asking fr 16 hours of childcare every week, and not offering any money? So 16 hours a week work for free??

You are a CF.

Expressedways · 27/10/2019 14:15

Oh no OP I’m cringing for you. Her offer to help almost certainly meant occasional babysitting if you’re in a jam, not providing daily childcare. You need to get proper childcare and pay the going rate for it- either a childminder or full days at nursery. To ask your friend to do this for free was CF territory even with the offer of school/activity pick ups which is so not a fair exchange as it’s zero inconvenience to you since you’d be going anyway. I’d follow up with a text and say sorry and you realise how ridiculous it looks written down so obviously to ignore you. Hopefully it won’t be awkward for long and you can get back to being good friends!

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 27/10/2019 14:16

Definitely CF on your part. Sorry OP.

She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask.

THIs means if you need to borrow a couple of nappies or needed her to take your eldest to after school club the odd time. Not free part time childcare for a preschooler!

CherryBathBomb · 27/10/2019 14:16

Christ on a bike!

I hope this a reverse Confused
You are 10000% being very unreasonable. CF!

multiplemum3 · 27/10/2019 14:17

I would absolutely not watch someones toddler every day just so my kids get picked up from school lol

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