Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

@Scarlett555 no my plan was to drop him off with a packed lunch 🙈. I wouldn't expect her to feed him lunch 4 times a week.

What? Is this even real- you're going to use the money she saves you to pay someone to do the exact same thing? Sorry but how could you not have seen how much that's taking the piss! Your favour to her is literally nothing in comparison. I would be texting her before tomorrow telling her how sorry you are, she's probably dreading seeing you!

But you did expect 16 free hours of childcare .

@WorraLiberty After Christmas I was going to use the money I make while she's looking after DS3 to pay for a childminder in January. God, that's sounds horrible reading that

So what would happen during the Christmas holidays or is it a term-time job?

the poor Mum friend, she'll probably avoid you now.

OP, you really must text her this evening. Otherwise she might be lying awake worrying about seeing you in the morning, how she's going to say no without offending you or, worse, saying yes to you against her better judgment and resenting you forever more. Your friendship will be over and any hope of you being able to ask her to help you in a sickness / inset day emergency will be gone.

Do the right thing, text her now.

See I'd be quite happy to do that in exchange for pick ups and and taking to and from clubs especially with a younger one in tow, I'd bite your hand off!

Putting aside the CF request, I don't understand why you aren't already taking her older children with yours on after school pick ups and activities or at least sharing the responsibilities 50/50.

If you are in fact friends and you think this would be of some benefit to her why is not already in place? It sounds like it would be literally no extra work for you?

Tell her tonight, don't let her lie awake worrying. Well done for coming back though.

why do people focus so much on the lunch?

It's the hours 4 days a week for 2months the problem! Surely the friend's time is a lot more valuable, who cares about doubling a toddler's lunch, that costs next to nothing.

Bloody hell. You're being very cheeky. Text her and tell her you just realised how much youre asking of her and apologise.

What a ridiculous ask of someone. How any normal person would even come up with that as a possibility is one thing... but to go ahead and ask someone to do it?! How on earth does a pick up/drop off to hobbies even remotely equate to 16 free hours of childcare I'll never know.

OP, message her and apologise profusely for being ridiculous. Pay someone for childcare in the mornings or look for a job with later starts/flexi time. You cannot ask ridiculous favours of people like that. It's so incredibly rude and CF.

Oh dear, bless you OP, I am sure you had good intentions and got a bit giddy about the possibilities of reciprocal child care. I think you know now this is outrageously CF from you.

Just retract what you said in a very apologetic way. Blame it in on you not thinking clearly.

Gosh, your comment about using the money you saved by getting free childcare from her till Christmas just adds to your cheeky fuckery! Are you serious?! Unless you want to lose this friendship permanently, you’d better do some serious backtracking asap.

Please text her now OP, she's probably feeling crap right now. Don't leave her to stew all night, that's really nasty when you can put a stop to it now. Then apologise again tomorrow when you see her.

I would text her back now as she's prob just getting crosser and crosser or worse if she's an anxious person she may be fretting about 'letting you down'. Apologise and say you didn't think it through properly and have since realised it's too much to ask. Find some proper childcare and I'm sure she'll help you out once in a while if your childcare is ill or closed.

I agree you need to put her out of her misery now.

She might be spending her whole evening working out how to word a refusal.

Unfortunately I do think she’ll avoid you from now on. Such a ridiculous thing to ask.

Not going to echo what everyone else has said it's so obvious.

But on the off chance this is real, I think you need to think of a long term solution for childcare to give your child a bit of stability whilst you work. If you're relying on banking money for a few months to be able to use a childminder in Jan, will you be able to consistently afford this going forward?

If so, why can't you just arrange backup childcare until your first payday? Eg. One month or something rather than a few months?

Do not wait until tomorrow to tell her you've changed you mind - please!

I've had cheeky texts not too far off this one in the past. I did stew over it in outrage for, oh, three seconds before texting back 'Er, no'.

Agree with the rest, yes you are a CF, and “helping out” doesn’t involve 4 mornings a week! And if they are that good a friend you don’t do this by text!!

My friends and I would get so much mileage out of the entertainment factor of your outrageous request if you made it of one of us. Would take us a good few days to get up off the floor from laughing in order to be able to say no! I feel I need to congratulate you for having the balls to even ask her, and hope she Is self confident enough to say no and won’t be one of the many doormat mumsnetters who end up doing this sort of thing for years because they’re too timid to say no.

I thought from your “until Christmas” that you were in a bind until then (eg no childcare spaces anywhere) but might have childcare sorted for the NY, but your revelation that it is a deliberate plan to save yourself some money is what makes it cheeky fuckery to me. Plus you don’t seem to actually know her that well!

@nomeansno1 I very rarely comment on threads... but you, are a total piss taking CF. How dare you treat a friend like that!
‘I’m probably asking too much’ errrr total understatement- you should be embarrassed, but you’re very entitled sounding, so you’re most likely not at all.

Anyway OP, I know you said you would prefer her to just say no if that's how it was but I'm afraid once you've been so cheeky, your preferences don't really get a look in. She has answered you by not responding so it's a no I'd say. Now you have to text apologising for the ridiculous ask.